After attending a seminar by one of the top personal development gurus in the world, my friend recounted to me this story.
In the middle of the seminar, the guru asked everyone who was either married or in a relationship to stand up.
He then asked them to pick one of three categories they felt their relationship fell into:
Category 1 was those who loved their partners, and enjoyed intimate and passionate sex lives.
Category 2 was those who loved their partners, but were considerably lacking in the intimacy department.
Category 3 was those who were on the verge of breaking up.
The result?
- 10 percent of people picked Category 1.
- 10 percent of people picked Category 3.
- And a whopping 80 percent of people picked Category 2!
I was alarmed to say the least by these results.
If they're at all indicative of everyone else in the world, this means 8 in 10 people out there has a poor sex life.
I don't mean to make you uncomfortable by bringing up this subject, but believe me--you can be as successful, enlightened, happy and healthy as humanly possible, but if you're not enjoying mind-blowing sex with your partner on a regular basis, your life will never be truly fulfilled.
Because relationships are the most important part of anyone's life.
It doesn't matter how old you are or how long you've been together. Intimacy should last a lifetime, whether you're in your 20's, 50's, or even 80's.
And yes, in case you were wondering, I'm doing great in that department.
So now, let me ask you the exact same question that guru did to his audience.
Please answer with total honestly. Your identity will remain anonymous.
You'll be hearing from me soon.
Burt
My name is Burt Goldman. I’m one of those “lucky people” who discovered a secret early in life. For the last 50 years, I have been traveling the world and meeting and studying spiritual masters from every inch of our planet. Now, at the age of 82, I'm ready to share with the world what I have learned. I started this blog to be able to share with you my most valuable teachings and insights I have gained over the past few decades. Here, you'll find plenty of valuable information on meditation, energy healing, spirituality, and my latest revelation, Quantum Jumping. I look forward to connecting with you and I sincerely hope you enjoy being a part of this blog.
I am not sure about the my catogery, I request that I may kindly be prayed for the relation please
I am totally in love with my partner but unfortunately due to work commitments and everyday commitments we hardly see each other more than once or twice a week. Intimacy is something that happens only if planned and is by far not a regular happening, at the most once every couple of months.
Can you help as I feel this is causing a drift in the relationship and do not feel it is normal.
Hey Burt and all,
I'm in my 50's, fit, athletic, sexually vigorous.
After a number of relationships long and short-term over the years, I've chosen to lead a single life for the last 10 plus years. I lead a busy active life and have learned long ago that ( as has been mentioned here earlier) 'like attracts like' or, more to the point 'We are attracted to and by our own level of dysfunction' which is to say that you're not likely to hook up with anyone a whole lot 'healthier' than you are yourself. If we've found a pattern of repeated 'unsatisfactory' ( in whatever way) relationships, we may very reasonably expect our future to reflect our history. When we undertake to grow personally, spiritually etc, thus raising our own 'level of dysfunction' to a healthier place, we may expect our relationships to improve accordingly.
Personally, I do not go to bed 'lonely' each night, nor do I wake up 'lonely' each morning. My sex life is limited (?) to 'friends with benefits'-type relationships as my schedule allows. I've no doubt but that like-minded individuals of both sexes are plentiful for those who 'lack' nothing more than sexual expression. For those feeling a need for a more standard relationship that is whole, joyous, and intimate, be assured that partners of either sex that are suited to your needs are also plentiful...the first step is to ensure that your own 'level of dysfunction' is such that you will be atttracted to and by people who are willing and capable of the level of intimacy that you seek. And so it begins...
I loved the comments from Rick Garzaniti, who posted earlier. He sounds like a kind man with a good sense of humour. Hope he finds happiness, I think he deserves to. As for me, I have been with the same guy who is 10 years younger than I, for over twenty years, but only because we live apart. He is crazy about me, but only when he is in the mood! 2 consecutive days together and we are ready to kill each other! Not much hope for us then? Good Luck to all who posted and Burt, you made me smile with your little revelation of your "sweet life." Thanks Burt, Liz.
Hello Burt, I truly enjoy receiving your emails as well. I sent you a comment regarding the 3 promises to perform first before the next lessons.
With regard to what I wrote, I rate my relationship with my husband in Category 3.
He has had an impotency/sexual/psychological issue for quite some time. When I first met him, I noticed that there was a difference.
He was always shrugging it off to lots of work and stress from being active in the Florida Army National Guard Reserves.
During our time together, we have had some wonderful times, then we had our daughter, then with the change that he made in career from truck driver delivering paper and medical supplies to becoming a Correctional Officer for a Sheriff's Office, his personality started to change. He became controling, manipulative, bossy, hypervigilant and more. During this time, I was working hard to keep my sanity and my healty boundaries in tact. It was very hard. He knew that I was vunerable physicaly after I had our daughter and he took advantage of that and started to find ways to keep me home and from finding a job, yet any time we went to a party, or went to dinner at his family's house, he would brag, "Im the only one working!" He would love to feel powerful by putting me down and controlling and manipulating me. I have been having a hard time to get out of it financially, transportation wise, etc... My children didn't want to go to a shelter, when I finally got a job, it didn't last long because he would start a fight every night before going to bed or when I woke up in the morning before going to work. I was exhausted!!!
Alot of the anger is actually coming from inside him. His own insecurities, his denials about himself, his academic insecurities, codependency on his mother, his obsession with porn, and his constant excuses for not performing well. He is embarassed to get help. So he started to use his anger as an excuse for me not to approach him when his behavior started to change and I suspected him of cheating. He was trying to find out if he still had it in him. So I asked him for a divorce because I was not about to put up with a man who thinks its ok to test the waters to see if it is him or me. He was in denial of the truth!!! I don't know if our marriage could be saved. I am hurting still although I have been trying to forgive,but I am not sure if I should. He has done alot because of his pettiness, insecurities, immaturity, anger, controlling habits and his manipulative ways, lets not forget pathological lying and his codependency especially on his mother, who also loves to keep him this way.
So, tell me what do you think. I definately know that he needs counselling help. He has all of the signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder from the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells!" seriously!!!
He says that he doesn't want to get divorced. Yeah well, that's because he knows that he will lose his job at the Sheriff's office when they find out about his behavior and antics, and the Florida Army National Guard will come down on him hard too. I know that he is afraid because he knows that because of everything that he has done, he will have to pay out alimony permanently and all these years he wanted to keep the marriage together to get the child earns credit on Tax time and stay married long enough so that he wouldn't have to pay child-support.
He states that he loves his daughter, however, he is neglectful when it comes time to her basic needs, food, schooling, tutoring, faith, celebration of her birthdays, etc. He has no real relationship with her because he lowers himself down to her level and acts actually worse than her. She is much more mature than he is. He acts like a child having a temper-tantrum every time he can't control her anymore or make her do what he wants. Well, she is 20 already and has set healthy boundaries.
He is very petty about both my daughter and I socializing too. He is horrible with my daughter every time she wants to date, to the extreme. When I confronted him with his abuse and sabbotaging ways and said "Enough!", that is when he would start his tirades of anger every time he came in from work, before he left for work, when he would leave for National Guard weekend drills and when he would come back from them. He would use that anger as an excuse to cheat on me. When I saw this, I said here are your things, you need to leave. Well he wouldn't leave, he wouldn't sleep on the couch. He is extremely strong willed and stubborn. He knew that he was having sexual problems and used his anger to cheat to see if it was definitely him or not. Before the cheating occurred, we had gone to a Urology Specialist for him to get tested. Well he went for the first visit, the doctor stated that he was impotent, he had injured his main nerve himself because of the way he was taking care of himself, however, the other problem the doctor felt was possibly psychological. How can a man who is in self-denial about alot of issues that doesn't know how to love himself, know how to love someone else, even his own daughter. Our daughter has always been a good daughter, respectful, supportive, always did what we asked, however, when he would ask her to voice her own opinions about a subject, he would get super defensive with her like an immature teenager would.
What do you think, is it worth it?
I am 70 years old and have had spine surgery and breast cancer.I take arimidex for cancer which leaves me dry and with no sexual interest. My husband is 75, has a heart condition and diabetes. He has a low testerone level and takes androgel daily for energy. He has been impotent for several years now. Lately, he is telling me that he is interested in sexual actdivity again, but I do not seem to have any interest. What do you recomment
I don't have a partner and haven't had one so this is hypothetical. But I have always felt repelled by sex. The reasoning that it's natural and everyone does it, doesn't cut it. It's still repellent to me. Now I have no problem with this personally, and can do without happily ever after, especially that I have never wanted children either. But I have a solid guess that my future bondmate, should I have one, won't be too happy about it. I also was never able to understand what's so pleasurable about kissing. Looks to me like the total opposite. And that said, I've never been molested or had any similar unpleasant experiences, also I'm not a teenager anymore. I've just been this way like forever. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, I would be ever so happy to have a boyfriend for a solely platonic relationship, but I suppose that isn't feasible.
My wife told me "Joe, I love you SO MUCH , I can fully accept the fact that you may never be able to work again because of your age (I am in my fifty"s) so lets just get married! I WAS NOT , AND AM STILL WORKING , BUT LOOKING!!!!!!
Two weeks after we were married , she told me that "WHEN YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF ME , I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU ( SEXUALLY)
INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH , I WAS TAKING CARE OF HER AT THAT POINT , FROM THE MONEY I GOT FROM THE SALE OF MY HOUSE!
I PAID HER CREDIT CARDS OFF TWICE , AND PAID FOR A WHOLW LOT MORE!
WHAT DOES ONE DO IN THIS SITUATION?
Who cares. I have my own ups and downs in life and the last thing I need to read about is what percentage of who is happy with whom their with. What a pointless e-mail. Read everyones answer, then ask yourself how do you feel? I feel drained and down. Everyone thinks they have the answer. An answer is a simple thing to come up with for a problem that can take a great deal of time to evolve to of which are all different. Sorry Burt, you can't catagorize my life or pin a stat on me, I don't work in the norm. Is it just me or ??
I am 51 have been seeing my boyfriend for about 18 months on and off he is 48 we have amazing sex and it is because of that we have made an effort to make our relationship work as I have 2 children one of whom still lives at home with me, he is 16. It is hard at times to balance all the things that are happening in your life. I find through having amazing sex it helps open my heart to love him on a deeper level. He has shown me how great sex can be, I've had a lot of sexual partner's before and enjoyed sex with them all, but even I have been blown away at how great it can be when you are having it with some one you can trust 100% and is capable of giving freely and receiving freely. I also have found it makes me a better person when I'm getting my rocks off so to speak. I even look younger when I'm getting that regular loving. even my friends have noticed the difference in me.
Making love is sacred. Birth is a miracle of Jehovah. Ahavah.
Monogamous.
these are all hang ups in life, there is no escape in this kind of reality.
Dearest Burt,
I'm sorry but to be perfectly honest I can not choose just one answer to your Guru's question.I find that at times my relationship with my Significant other falls in all three catagories (and possibly more). Generally we are quite happy and enjoy each other in most aspects of our lives together. Through the ups and downs, good and bad, He and I are still very connected........
Thank-You,
Patricia
My husband is impotent due to diabetes. I'm not going to abandon him due to health issues as I married him in good health or bad. His actions show me that he loves me and takes care of me and I love him. There is more to relationships than sex. I take care of my own needs and am happy for the hugs and kisses we share.
My husband and I met at Ananda Meditation Village. I meditated on him for 6 weeks before he asked me to marry him... he thought it was all his idea, of course. We had never even kissed when we got engaged! Now we have a wonderful sex life 27 years later! We came to this planet to have fun, and my husband and I are on a perpetual second honeymoon! Our marriage is very romantic, even after all these years.
Someone made a comment about celibacy and only a couple of others alluded to it. Nobody ever wants to talk about it, as if there's something wrong to choose to be celibate. Our culture is so over-sexualized.
Don't get me wrong, sex is great and a blessing in the right situation.
But having been celibate (by choice) for the past 15 years, I've never been happier.
Not having to expend so much energy looking for sex, thinking all day about sex, trying to have sex all the time, even in a loving relationship, (been there, done that and can't imagine going there again) gives one a deep sense of peace. I can't even express the peace...
Love and sex are gifts to be appreciated and enjoyed throughout a loving relationship. For those who are married and say they aren't attracted to their spouse, or don't have sex because they don't want to ... what in the world are you thinking? How does your spouse feel about your feelings - or have you been as honest with the person who's made a lifelong commitment to you as you have on an open forum with a bunch of strangers?
Unless one of you is sick, incarcerated, the other person has terrible hygiene - which you probably knew prior to marriage, the other person has a sexually transmitted disease, they are abusive or have perversions you can't tolerate - in which case you'd be better to leave, or it's a prior arrangement to which you both agreed, there doesn't seem to be a realistic or logical reason not to have sex with the person who loves you and made a lifelong committment to you. A healthy marital relationship includes a loving sexual relationship - not "tolerable" sex you put up with because it's been so long you feel you have to. It isn't a complete lack of sex either. It's not right to marry someone and have them find you're not attracted to them after they've married you and made a life long commitment to you! At the very least try to consider what would it do for your sense of self esteem if the situation were reversed? And try to consider what you're doing to the other person!
I hope you realize the person you married can anull the marriage at any point if the marriage isn't consummated, or divorce you if the relationship has been consummated. If there's not a really good reason, not many people will feel too sorry for you! Have you considered the others feelings? It's not just about one person in a marriage.
There are so many things you can do to increase your sex drive, or increase passion. For goodness sake TRY - it works -convince yourself you want to be with the person, be as kind and optimistic as you can possibly be for the other person's sake - if not for anything else, and know eventually you might just find love with that person is, or can be, truly fulfilling! After all, they married you in good faith, reasonably expecting a normal marriage and everything that goes along with it - which includes sex. If all else fails please release them so they can seek a person and relationship they truly deserve!
For those poor women who think there isn't any help for a lousy sex drive; go to your doctor and ask for testosterone gel - it's the #1 request among women who go to their doctor for something other than illness, and doctors are very understanding 99.9% of the time. Or try Maca - which can be found at any health food store - it's an herbal capsule you take 1 - 3 x's per day. It works very well, and if that doesn't work there are other herbs which increase sex drive. For the woman in menopause who's put on 25 pounds ... your husband loves you, and wants to make love to you no matter what. If you haven't told him what's bothering you, he might think you find HIM unattractive!
For women with an illness - there might be a way around what's holding you back. For example ... interstitial cystitis - one of the few legitimate reasons IMO for which a lack of sex is understandable. In case you don't know what it is, and wonder, it's an agonizingly painful bladder disorder, which has caused many a person to take their own lives because the pain is so unrelenting and excrutiating. It is so terrible many women fear sex, but trust me sex won't make it worse - it's the tension you feel about having sex which makes things worse. For the short term, try drinking a couple of tsp of baking SODA in water. It will normalize the bladder acidity, and put the fire out so you can feel better about sex. Talk to your doctor about an anti-anxiety medication - like Xanax. For those with chronic pain, find a doctor who's willing to treat the pain adequately - heck what male doctor wouldn't sympathize with you!? For those with alodynia or painful insertion, order a vibrator online, and see if you can't find working with that helpful in alleviating the pain or fear. (make sure it has both clitoral, as well as vaginal stimulation. For example the kind of vibrator that's call a "rabbit") There's nothing "wrong" or "dirty" about using a vibrator - if you think there is maybe that's the "tip" of your problems surrounding sex. But if you just plain don't wanna - tough! That person committed to you, deserves everything he expected in a marital relationship, and sex is part of a normal, healthy, LOVING relationship. I'm not saying "spread 'em" - that's not my mentality, what I'm saying is, for the sake of the other person you committed to, get the right mindset, get the help you need to make things right if that's what it will take, and have the marriage every normal person desires, looks forward to, and should be able to expect.
BTW, I'm a woman - not a man, in case anyone got this far and wondered. My husband and I have been married over 20 years and have a large family by todays standards. Sex hasn't always been the greatest - or even good for that matter because I have interstitial cystitis and chronic pain. I was sexually abused as a teen, and there are other issues which my husband has been very understanding about. The thing is ... because I love my husband so much I've worked really hard to have the right mindset. I've sought the help I needed in order to love my husband the way he deserves to be loved because I find him to be such a wonderful person. I think though, it goes both ways - if I hadn't tried so hard I wouldn't have succeeded at being the wife my husband deserves, and because I worked to overcome the things that would stop many woman from having sex, I have acheived the things I wanted for both of us, and in turn it's made our marriage MUCH happier. As a bonus our children see what a successful, loving relationship looks like, hear what it sounds like to have parents who truly love each other, and know what it feels like to be in a family where the parents speak lovingly to each other, have respect for one another, and work together for the well being of the marriage and family. As a result our children are well adjusted, have a nice group of friends, feel good about themselves, speak openly with us, and have good relationships and communication with both genders of their peers and adults. They are smart and work hard at school; don't want to disappoint us, they're well liked by teachers, and get good grades. Also it's my opinion that they will grow up to seek the same for themselves, and run the other way from a potentially abusive relationship. You might be laughing and thinking obviously we don't have teen agers, but we have 2, and they're great kids - we enjoy them, and they (usually) enjoy us. They feel good about having friends over, and their friends like us and feel they can talk to us.
Those are just some of the benefits of a loving marital relationship. If there's anything holding you back after hearing it can have the added benefit of well adjusted kids who actually LIKE their parents, then I don't know what would change your mind! Probably nothing.
I'm not making judgements about those with illness, problems of abuse, drinking or drug problems, or anything of the like. But life is just so much happier if you have a happy marriage, and there's a lot you can do to make things go that way if you're both willing to work at it.
Hi Burt,
I have found my soul mate. we love each other unconditionally. everyday is bright and new. true love does not have time for disagreements, just acceptence. we focus on the other not self. Thanks for all your information.
My friend Burt,
I'm a man of 83 and this year will reach the age of 84. My lovely spouse has made her transition at the age of 71 in August 8th, 1999, the same year Jose Silva did his transition to the unlimited dimension. We've had a wonderfull marriage for near 47 years and having 5 lovely childeren, 4 girls and one son. Just as life is without a spiritual element, so is sex life.
At a young age my opinion is that we look at the other sex based on a "biological" performance. You see that she/he is pretty - handsome and attract eachother through a physical look.
The so called "Love" is then based on a "biological" element. But when that changes by the time caused by phycial age and other changes like face that is growing older, attitude and other kinf of performance.....then that biological "Love" will fade away. And as has been done at such a situation, we're looking for a younger looking individual that stimulate our sex life, isn't it?
But when at the very first time "biological love" has been emerged with a "Mental Love" based on spiritual performance, then it'll override that biological love. No matter what happen, you'll feel ONE with eachother and you know deeply that without "Mental Love" there will be the limitation of time and space.
My spouse said before she dies, that we'll be always together, and no space and time will separate us so to say. With our developed minds, we "see" eachother at any time we need, through dreams and also through our spititual eyes. My childern knows that and they also didn't feel seperated through death. LOVE at a spiritual base is intens and has no limits of time and space, if you could understand what I mean.
Many divorces has been based on that "Biological Love" and this has to be educated for the next generation. Thanks to "the Higher Intelligence" to appoint Jose Silva in his endeavour to invent the "New science", named Psychorientology, that could help humanity i reaching a perfect life on the base of "positivity" rather than the contrary. Agree in this category?
Thank you,
Rify.
Hi Burt!
Thank's for keeping the minds STAMULATED A few of us did not fit any of the category above.Celibacy is a gift in a society such as ours,Soulmates? Where ,How,When do we seek?
If we seek, Will we find???
Loveingly
Mae
Boy oh boy!! Burt, You really touch on something that can bring out real dark thinking and strange concepts.
Me, I am just a single person for the last 29 years. I am very lonely now because all my children are on their own.
So, I pray for a real SOULMATE,a trully spiritual and physical companion capable of enjoying all the goodies that God made available for us to enjoy.
I am married since 35 years. I do not look one day over 45. I love
my husband very much but he is cheating on me with men. I have the proof. I cannot imagine my life without him. Sex was never great
with him. I had some insignificant affairs when I though I would divorce him. But I just cannot do it. I overheard him saying that
he was like a young men sexually. When we still had sex, it was never more often than once every 2 or 3 weeks. He said that we did
not need that to love each other. My whole life, I had been deprieve from sex. He says that he could not live without me!!!!!!!!! Please help me. Give me some guidance. I am too young to
live like that.
#2 is my catagory. my husband had proste surgery and hasnot done sex with me for at least 10 years. I am an insulin depentant diebetic with nuerophy so sex is not that important to me either. Married for 44 years. He shows his love by being My soulmate and spoiling me with breakfast every morning.
It took me a long time to finally know what really love is and once you find it you will fall into category # 1 .
I don't know why, but sex has NEVER been a major interest for me, not in high school or in college. When I was stationed in Vietnam, my friends learned I had never been with a woman, so they took me into DaNang on my 23rd birthday and paid a prostitute to "do me". There might be a total of 10 women I've been with since then (I'm 60). I was surprised that, many times while doing it with different girlfriends, the thought would hit me, "What am I doing to this poor girl?" Then, to complicate things even more, along came AIDS and condoms. I certainly don't want AIDS, and whoever said that using a condom is like taking a shower while wearing a raincoat was dead-on. I really cannot feel anything while wearing a condom. Sex is simply not fun for me. When comedian George Burns was asked what sex was like at 90, he replied, "Having sex at 90 is like shooting pool with a rope." So, I'll happily continue to pursue a relationship with my Creator - a relationship that will never die.
Looking amongst my friends, I am one of the few whom live in an awesome relationship with the most beautiful loving caring nurturing man ever... yet we have an open relationship, on every level... no jealously or ownership of another person. We are united by our hearts, and everything else is just extra life experiences... and then we connect again from our heart energy.
Being in this phenomenal relationship with my partner, I also have the pleasure of having lovers on the side... regular lovers, I experience healthy tantric sex, group sex and more. I am lucky that there is nothing I have not experienced sexually. Let me repeat that, nothing I have not experienced sexually.. right there, that is an amazing life experience.
This was not part of my upbringing, I just created this lifestyle completely on my own. It works fabulously for me! And my partner. We have the most amazing, deeply loving and caring relationship of any couple I know.
However you want to look at it, we are here as spiritual beings in a physical body. Why not explore the joys and bliss of being in your BODY. Experience All the sensations and pleasures of being human and of the flesh. Find that internal and external g-spot as often as you can.. why not?
I am in a secure, loving, emotionally mature relationship where all the sharing and caring is exchanged. No jealousy what so ever, each having space to grow, evolve and expand, in any way, creatively, and more. The funny part is...when you have complete and total freedom in your relationship, the bond between you is honest, sincere, no deceit, no jealously, nothing to hide.. the more freedom, the stronger the bond.
There is a deeper connection without any reservations.. awesome!
We have to evolve from the mindset that you could ever own another being, no matter if it is a serious relationship or a marriage of any sorts.. the more freedom you have within that bond, the more secure and wonderful your experience is together...
It all comes down to choice and choosing joy .. living in the moment,... and sharing your choices with your partner.
Now for relationships, I believe long term relationships will always have their ups and downs, it is natural and it is represented in nature. You may have 7 amazing years and one very challenging year... just like flowers, sometimes they have a gorgeous bloom without much effort and sometimes they don't bloom, they go into a gestation period, or may need more nurturing...
Perhaps we just need a little breathing space for our personal growth and then reconnect?
There is another thing that is happening within the shifting of consciousness at this time. All structures are falling down. Everything of the old way of thinking and being is coming undone and making way for the new.
Whatever is not working for your highest and best good will fall apart. If your heart isn't in it... it will not last for long...This is truly a time for breaking free of all that does not serve your heart's desires...It is a time for new structures in all areas of life, business, religion, spirituality, sex, relationships, and the final frontier.. the mind or consciousness. Everything is expanding and when that happens the old falls away to something new.
Welcome it, and move forward with your heart. It will definitely lead you in the right direction. Always choose what is best for you from your heart. You can only benefit yourself as well as others if we all choose from our heart's desires. If you are not living from your heart's desire... let it go. If not now when?
The new relationships will be based on heart connections, not status, or financial, or intellectual match making or pairing... the lasting authentic loving relationships will be joining at the HEART. With pure unconditional love and the sex will be OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!! Because the truth is,... if your WHOLE HEART is in something.. it is always PHENOMENAL. True or true?
Just a thought,
In response to this blog, I'd have to say my sex life is so juicy and fulfilling you would not believe it if I shared it all and my love life is so deeply rooted in joy and bliss, I am deeply blessed.. you too can create an open, loving, juicy sex-fulfilled relationship if you choose. It starts with your heart's desire.
Thank you for being alive on this planet at this time.
Single at present..... I enjoy my single life now. At 59 it is a blessing not to have someone telling me what to do and how to do it... I have been single most of my life and always wanted to have a mate. Now I am enjoying my life. Spending time with my daughter and my grand children...
I've been single for 10 years going on 11 - I'm relationship shy now - scared of commiting or being in love again. It hurt so badly when the last relationship ended. And, I can go back to that relationship should I so choose - but that is scary too.
Dear Burt,
Widowed since 1992. Widowed also in 1976.
I would have to vote caption 1 in both marriages.
It keeps both partners believing that love is a great gift that they offer to each other for a lifetime.
Ruth
Honestly I am in the second category. I have had a love marriage for the last 2 years. Sex life is not at all in the cart. We seem to be drifting away with our other responsibilities.
Learning to love myself brought me into a relationship where after 4 years of marriage we still have a red hot sex life, mutual respect, nurturing, caring, loving AND INDEPENDENCE!
When we are together it is great. When we are apart it is great. We have lived in a studio apartment for more than 18 months now. 9 of those months I was laid off from work and my wife had not been working (she just started a job last week). In such tight quarters, always in each others face...still we love each other, we don't fight, intimacy is high and the sex is hot.
WHY? Because we both have matured. We both have evolved. AND...we agreed to marry after only three hours of talking to each other. We married before we had sex, before any sort of intimacy, we got married in a traditional way...I am American but she is a woman from Kerala South India. I met her while on a holiday there. The story of that is on my website...
http://gr8wisdom.com/a-marriage-made-in-heaven-part-i
THIS IS NOT TO BRAG...but to expose the possibility for YOU! LAW OF ATTRACTION IS AT WORK! Like attracts Like. Unevolved people attract unevolved people. Grow spiritually and you will attract a partner who has also grown spiritually. YOUR RESULTS WILL SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.
Love and Blessings,
Michael Skowronski
Author of Unforgettable: A Love and Spiritual Growth Story
http://UnforgettableBook.com
I've been married for over 30 years. I love my husband very much, but since menopause, sex has become very painful for me. I am searching for a solution, but so far none. Wish I was in the same category for you. Plenty of help advertised for men, but never anything for the woman.
Ecclesiastes 3 : 1-8 says "There is a right time for everything...a time for this, and a time for that,etc...there is a universe law for everything. Learn to identify that law and apply it masterfully and you'll get all the SEX you can enjoy. This means that whatever you want to do THERE IS A PROCESS. THERE IS A RIGHT AND PROPER WAY TO DO THINGS. I'm sure Burt has some techniques up his sleeve to release to you about "item#2". So let's enjoy the process.
I have been married for the past 24 years. Love my husband dearly, but not at all sexually attracted to him. Having sex with my husband would be like committing incest - over the years he has become very much like a brother to me. I don't feel truly fulfilled and realize that something is really missing. But don't know what to do; don't want to cheat on him, don't want to break up with him either Guess one cannot always have everything in life. working on developing spirituality does help.
I've been married for about 30 years. I've been on the verge of leaving for the last couple of years, but lately I'm feeling as though there are lessons to be learned here, and maybe I should just get on with learning them - or maybe I'm just too tired to leave!
My husband is a peace-at-any-price sort of guy - doesn't want to talk through any issues or make any changes, so it feels as though there is nowhere to go with the relationship. He's quite happy to talk about the weather... If I'm honest with myself, I feel very sad, neglected, unloved, abandoned - but no point in dwelling on that! No sex for the last around 5-6 years - without ways of clearing the relationship, I'm not prepared to abuse myself by indulging in sex (tried it once, and it felt terrible!) And he probably isn't prepared to clear up the relationship if there's no sex!
I don't feel I can discuss this with anyone - my husband surely doesn't want to know! And it would seem disloyal to discuss it with others...
I'm looking at what I've created: on some level I must feel that this is what I deserve. To leave would give me the opportunity to re-create the situation in another relationship - and who needs that? I also struggle with the idea that if I take 100% responsibility for my creation - the current state of the "marriage," that leaves him free to take 0% responsibility for it. It feels like too much hard work - it would be much simpler to be on my own!
So I'm working on myself - my self-esteem, taking Bach flower remedies to clear myself, meditating (and lots of other work) - with the intention of changing the situation. I'm choosing to think of my husband as my teacher. The other aspect of it is that I don't yet have a clear mental picture of how I want the relationship to be - certainly don't have any role models that inspire me! Not even sure where to look...
Right now I can't quite see how it's all going to happen, but it does seem to be getting a little better...
I'm sure there are some mind-viruses evident to those wiser than myself - any input would surely be appreciated.
Currently single miss my sex as I was always more energised happy fullfilled focused creative then. On my wish list I wish to meet my soul mate so I may enjoy that intimacy & love once again . Im 60 look 43 exercise daily say my gratitude pray daily thank the universe for its daily blessings. Where is my soulmate ? Burt ,if you meet him send him to Australia ,I am waiting, I love life and what it has to offer. So much nicer sharing ,i miss my cuddles and daily play time.Love your site & all the great information.
Burt! We need you help again. Because I love my sweetheart, but...you got it - need help.
Well Burt:
Do you have an answer for the #2's? We're going on 14 yrs. I got married over 40 for the 1st time, so sex was never a major thing for either of us (at that age). Now that I'm into menopause (and have put on 25lbs) I have very litle desire for sex. My Husband doesn't push the issue at all, however it still makes me feel badly. There is alot of help out there for men's issues, not much for wom. w/no desire. If you've got a solution I'm listening...
DEAR BURT I LOVE EVERY BEING GOD PUT ON THIS UNIVERSE AND ALL UNIVERSES WE ARE ONE AND ALL CONNECTED WITH THE SUPREME IF WE REALIZE THIS GUESS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN PEACE&LOVE SKIP
Dear Burt, For once, you have tapped into the bare truth of the biological life of humans. Apparently, a great significant subject. However, don't you think it is all in the mind? No doubt, the chemical and bio functions happen the way it is designed to happen by our Creator or the Super-intelligence if you prefer. And still, sex is secondary to the true relationships that exist at the mental, spiritual and emotional level that lead to a biological manifestation.
Hi Burt,
If you find your partner enduringly sexy you have found the right person to spend your life with. Especially if your partner agrees.
I have to admit post hit a button with me. I have been married for less than a year. I don't think I have ever been attracted to my husband. Sometimes I can force attraction but not often enough. I don't know how to solve this problem. I love and care for him very deeply. I don't want a divorce. I just want my attraction to match my feelings of love for him.
If there is anything I learned from this. Love doesn't equal sexual attraction. Sexual attraction doesn't equal love.
at the end of a six year relationship because of his married children --a very jealous daughter and son and their families--I have been threatened and tormented by these kids and he wont go against them because they are his family even after his son threatened to put a bullet in my head if I moved in with him--there are alot of sick people out there
I believe that most people believe that after a certain age sex should not be on their list of things to do with or for one another. I believe that this is the key to a meaningful relationship not just physically but emotionally. Sex may not be all there is to a relationship but it is the clue that gives that person the extra strength they need to go on. Love is such a fragile thing and when nurtured and given that extra little touch it makes a difference how a person interacts with others. I am currently single but I recognize that a relationship is build on the physical as well as the emotional and hope to be found or find a partner that can appreciate the beauty of intimacy. Also sex is more than the act itself it involves touching and laughter and just the mere presence of another sometimes this can be just as exciting as the physical act of love is involved. Thank you Burt for allowing others to revisit the bliss of intimacy.
I'm single since my partner and father of my children passed away 9 years ago. I've raised my children from age 14, 12 and 5 years old by myself.
My youngest daughter is still with me - I'm sure there is a partner out there for me and I'm looking forward to meet him.
I've lived in my young days 13 years in Africa - I think I've had and will have the best of everything and looking forward into my future with a positive feeling. Thank's Burt for touching that subject!
hi Burt,
I fall into category one I met my partner nine years ago and we have been living together for about three I met him rather late in life, but I am so glad I waited all this time as he is my soulmate never before have I met someone who is so perfect for me. He is my best friend, my lover and my partner all rolled into one as I am his.
I fall into Cat 2; not because I want to but then, I'm 81 years old. Can you help me?
Frank
If this cite closes off truth, it is not of the higher light. Those you lead hrugh guidance, although your intentions may be well, can result in a bondage unto yourself. But dear Mr. Burt, you hve your liberty too. Gus.
Sexuality is of the beastal portion of man, and is usually based on lust. It is the lower self. Such matters is not of the higher heavens, but of the lower spirits of what men called "darkness." Such sexual tendencies create a bondage upon the corporeal death and keeps those from rising into the higer heavens for 50, 100, even 1000 or more years. It can even cause the spirit to suffer the "true death" by remaining here on earth, like placing candle into a closet and closing the door, thus alloin the earth's darkne to consume all the light and te spirit to cease to be. When men seek the Creator directly, learn to purify themselves and cast off "self" to become a "true human being" such person has no lustful cravings that would bind them after death. They have no worldly wants or needs, because they walk in the spirit world more than on this earthly plane. Problem is, most people seek worldly desires, passions, lusts, and emotions that tie them to this earth because it deals with the carnal portion, not spiritual portion. 'If you are carnal you are bound unto death; if you are spiritual you are bound unto life,' is what most Christian bibles hold. A spiritual person that teaches sexuality deals with the lower realms and the lower spirits, thus the earth, and such will bind those following that advise to this earth after the corporeal death. When individuals learn to open their senses to see the spirit world, and see the bondages of men, such a person does not wish any such thing. Myself, I seek sexlessness through purification so I can 'psychically hear' the Creator's voice. What others do is up to them because every person over 14 has their liberty to choose their own path.
A person who is of a spiritua make-up of the higher realms, even if they marry, only applies sex for purpose of procreating to create a new life. However, most people do not truly understand spiritualism because they believe they are spiritual just because they call on some man. The term means what it states. A spiritual person is a person that opens up hi or her senses to the spiit worlds around him or her. Majority of society havo such understanding and are miled by such terms through religions. However, if people wish to enjoy sexual relations, again, that is up to them. Those that are lacking 'lack' because they have closed their spiritual doorways (called chakras) because of blockages that could relate back several generations from family members or others. Such individuals should locate books on chakras, and possibly someone knowledgeable that can help open the doors. If those lacking in their relationship learns to open their doors their entire relationship would change for the better. Again, I am interested in attuning to my Creator,but I'd be hppy to help anyone who would like the Creator, the I AM, (THROUGH ME) to help them. Enjoy!
1. the hardest is to be honest.excuses and rationalizations are rampant.
2. irritation is the nature of life. it is not if, it is when.
3. the normal response to irritation is to squash them..arousal irritation, romantic irritation, loive irritation..don't tell me love does not irritate. then refer to # 1.
4. all challenges are potential illusions that need to become reality. even the desire to have a 'good sex life'.
5. society has to (re)define rules regarding sex and the sex acts (relationship)and bring them out into the open rather than the play them by ear status quo. meaning (re)-valuation of the value of or for sex at different age group or relationship.
6. all relationship consumes time, energy, resources and wisdom..out of all of them the most important ingredient is 'energy'. lacking or poor level of that will incapacitate us.
7. Burt, how do you improve your level of energy. assuming you have 100% at birth, what is your energy level now ? how would you measure them ? how would you control, increase, tranform them ?
6.
up, down and round about. Relationships go through phases of intensity and then lassitude depending on what is going on in the lives of the partners. Like a dance where there are slow...slow..quick...quick steps. There has to be communication and trust and when one or the other feels a little needy of more contact I have found it best just to talk about my feelings in a non-accusatory but questioning way with my partner. No games just straight talk about why we are not being as intimate as we once were.If there is good will on both sides things usually work out.People get busy, preoccupied and just plain pooped after tough days and intimacy has a tendency to take a back seat to just hitting the sack and passing out.If that is the problem a little reorganization and scheduling of cuddling time, some sweet,sexy talk during the standing up times before bed with suggestive themes and knowing glances helps set the mood and no push and shove expectations or recriminations seems to work out just fine.
What I've found is that going on prescription medications for high blood pressure, Type II diabetes, high triglycerides, has played havoc with what use to be a very satisfactory libido. This is the reason that over the last few years, I've lost weight(about 50 lbs), changed my diet, and recently I've been going on supplements that are suppose to help reduce blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, improve my processing of sugar and get me off of the generic glucophage. I'm still looking to get off of Avodart and Flomax for enlarged prostate. At 64 I am feeling better than I did in my 50s; however, I really want to legitimately be able to get off the prescribed drugs and continue to lose weight and increase my energy. Then hopefully the sex life will once again be back to normal or even better.
Dr. J. Terry Frey
PS ... I have no hesitation to speak with anyone who is honest and open about their humanity, spirituality, mind or body.
I have been married and divorced twice. Also, I have been in a long term relationship for the past ten years with a well rounded man. Our relationship started out very sexual, but over the years it has waned. It is unfortunate that we allow "life," work, etc. to get in the way of just living our life on a daily basis. My boyfriend and I are discussing ways to bring sex back into the relationship because we do care and love each other very much and do not want the relatonship to totally falter.
Burt, I look forward to further communication about this subject.
Peace and Blessings
Arthienyer
Love my parents...but, already broke up...not a choice but that's when I'm at...
my sex life is on the up and up.we can only see each other at the weekend but we're starting to get into a bit of tantric sex which is grand.My dad, who's about 80, is struggling a bit. you know what i mean, so Burt if you're still blasting away, good on you!. no disrespect meant.
My sex life has never been soo great! Ihave been ith the man I'm married to now for 3 years. We don't miss a day without having sex. We have missed 3 days in the past 8 months. I am a firm believer that having daily sex makes you closer and arguments are not as likley to occur. It brings us closer together. I can feel the release of horomones and other things throughout my body. I can tell that when it's missed for a day my mood can be foul easily. It has helped with my depression and over all made me more energetic. And it's exercise too! You can't beat that! Oh, so you have a litte info on me I have a 14 year age difference between my husband.I am 29 and he is 43, so I keep him young.
Sex is no big deal. Its great, don't get me wrong. but it is just entertainment - something to do. I've never seen what love has to do with it. I've been married 34 years and during the late 70's had an "open marriage" that was popular at the time and I saw no difference between sex with my husband or with others. Except perhaps skill level.
Hi Burt
Thanks for the stimulating topic.
A bit of a controversial statement you made at the end there.
How are you defining 'truly fulfilled' and how do you know that what you consider to be fulfilment is the same as what anyone else considers to be fulfilment?
Pete
Burt, you are right because,as you say:relationships are the most importent part of anyone's life and with a poor sex
life with your partner on a regular basis, your life will never be truly fulfilled. I advise to every one to read,
(EVEN IF HE IS AN ATHEIST) about the relationship and the sex life in the first book of Donald Walsh:CONVERSATION WITH GOD.
Arie
Parents demised before getting entangled. No experience. May be on my next birth or when visiting the next parallel universe.
Burt, I must seek your advise on how you keep going satisfactorily at your age. I am a few years younger to you but struggling to catch up. Slow like the tortoise.
I have benn married to my wife for 21 years. We grow each day in our devotion to our relationship as well as in our devotion to our individual personal happiness BECAUSE that is our INTENTION! We were both married before and lived the unenlightened relationship, i.e. focused on everything that doesn't matter and the drama that kind of focus brings. We both broke free of that mundane life energy killing illusion choosing to be alone if need be rather than dying a life long slow death. We each fall off that upward bound path from time to time but we lovingly but firmly remind the other that OUR commitment is to personal and mutual spiritual growth and enlightenment and make the adjustments required to remain on that path. And oh yes, our sex life is fantastic and alive and we are passionately in love, BECAUSE that is our INTENTION.
Dear Burt,
1). the ones in an intimate relationship are very lucky, they have each other. They can share.
2). those in an indifferent relationship without intimcy are still lucky. They have each other they can talk with.
3). those that are breaking up are still very lucky. They still have each other no matter where they are in the world.
You missed the ones who have lost their loved ones through death. We live each and every day with our good memories of the good times, the fun we had , the things we shared, the places we visited, etc. All it takes every day is to say to the other: "I love you." This the last thing we said to each other before going to work in the morning. And we meant it.
I believe the results you got. This is the time for people to wake up before it's too late.
Your study does not surprise me. I am divorced and have vowed to never marry again because I was sooo miserable and it cost me sooo much personally and financially.
I am the happiest I have ever been as a single person again.
I am fortunate that our relationship continues to be based on commitment - we are missing some of the respect I know we would like to have, and our sex lives are non-existent as a couple. Do I feel that we are missing out. BIG TIME! I recently heard about a minister who ordered his parish couples to be sexually intimate with each other every day for a week! Feedback was that having his blessing, as it were, and his encouragement, allowed people to related to each other intimately more than many had for some time. The positive feedback was impressive. I could point to dozens of excuses why my wife and are not intimate - just taking the first step back seems monumental. WHY? Wrong question - HOW do we find our way to intimacy, then?
P.S. To all those who are also suffering or making excuses - bless you! We all want intimacy - we are made that way! Rather than deny it, let's be open to ways to heal and make our lives better! Peace -
Some of us make a choice from among the options available where we were, however many years ago the relationship and the marriage began. If great sex wasn't among the choices, but deep love, responsibility, devotedness and occasional OK sex came with the "package", then that was a choice which could be made and lived with. If the sex has slowly eroded away, but the devotion, deep love, respect and other positive aspects have remained - well, that's another choice, isn't it....
Comes as natural as breathing; I chuckle at the fact that our beliefs can actually stifle this wonderful gift; bringing unnecessary guilt to those who have many restrictions in life. Being almost 60 in life, I have never had health issues with any of my body parts due to lack of use. Burt, I agree with the previous post, You have stirred up a bee's nest this time. All of our issues in life generally occur between our ears, this subject has been so hush-hush, that no wonder people are perplexed as to their conduct with sex. My hats off to the young man who has returned from a tantric 3 day adventure. Something that will be a blessing for the remainder of his life.
Hi Burt well I am married for the passe 29 years I was in a happy mariage for abouth 16 years we have two daugther I all way beleive that childrent were and are great gift of the creator ( God ) so when my marriage fail I still hang in there for my childrent they are beautyfull and great person now this year one is 24 years old they other is 18 years old they both are graduated one from University they other from Colege they are now on there own and they are proud of it so do I, BUT for me and my wife I had anought of it,we are both 48 years old I feel young and want a romantic life, but she feel old and can't wait to retire and move into a elderly people home,actuly she had stop given me sex 10 years ago she often ask the girl if they are going to come and visit her in that home. I can't stand that ideal and it put me into a negative mode for me it is a constant stugle to be possitive.So I do have to make the move either I keep destroying my life or I destroy her life it is confusing for me because when I maried her I was sure that I would love her for the rest of my life but I was wrong so now I am looking into anything that would put me in a constand possitive moon that it is why I am very interesting in your philosofy thank you.
I am single, and I have been enjoying and experiencing a wonderful, passionate relationship with myself. I know what I want in a relationship with partner it would be someone to compliment what I have already.
currently I am single.
My husband and I had a good relationship at frist. We had the same goals in life, with the same desires. Our goals must had shifted. Our goals no longer were the same and we each started heading in diffrent directions. He started to think and ack so diffrently and seem to want something so diffrently in life then what I wanted. I could no longer stay with him and be true to my self.
Looking back. It takes more then just love. It takes communication with the same goals. Just like a business partner. The desire to build and keep the buisness sucessful needs comunication and desire with working together with one aonther with the sames goals in building the business.
In a relationship where the two people are on a spiritual path, sex often naturally becomes less important but still enjoyed when spoontaneously engaged in. I don't agree that 'your life will never be truly fulfilled' if you and your partner are growing together and very intimate but not having as much regular passionate sex as you used to. Intimacy is a relative term. Interesting discussion though...
Hi Burt,
Iam not surprised at all I think the problem is people don't know how to unplug from the system. The mind is not at peace long enough to enable partnerships to enjoy and express there affection in an relaxing natural way. I think people need to uncover there true integrity first, by understanding there thoughts, then they can share the completeness wholly with each other.
Graeme.
I am nearly 63, my wife a couple of years younger; we've been married for 42 years and have three adult children. Thankfully we are still very much in love and the intimacy is great. We obviously do not discuss the issue outside of our marriage, but reading surveys and reports in magazines and other publications, it seems we are way beyond the national average even for people half our age. I don't need to tell you about the production of endorphins and the beneficial effect they have on one's mental and physical wellbeing.
The solution is found in the present moment awareness,living in past/futurer projections always certainly blurs the romance that is meant to be for a lifetime.
Read eckhart tolle book: a new earth......eckhart wonderfully reveals that which causes pain in relationships is the most deepest level,with exercises to be present in the moment.....
One of the hugely missed issue one can investigate,is the level of current health.
Do you tend to be more negative than positive?,check what you eat.
Microbial life forms and bacteria in humans have conciousness,much of the time the voices in the head,is a result of thought creations which these entities create in our minds,these entities cover 80 percent of the human body,and 20 percent is us.
So eating healthy is really incumbant for us,and all the vital life forms in our body to function fully in the most vibrant way
Asgar
Beloved All, I am just back from a three day Tantra training with my partner. Again mind blowing...! Tantra should be standard in college education. Whole lotta love, Premraj.
A relationship takes work. It does not just happen. Both people have to like and love themselves as individuals. Then they have to also be committed to the relationship. Each of us cares about the other. Part of that caring is fulfilling the other's sexual needs. We do this by searching for ways to make the other happy, both in bed and out of bed. When you accomplish the above, you will both be happy. We still are, after 37 years. However, keep in mind that we still continue to work at further improving our relationship. It cannot be passive.
my wife does not touch me she pulls away from me says sex is all i want she is happy with every one else does not make time for us. everything is my fault she is nevery wrong.
Let's face it men and women look at fulfillment,intimacy and sex differently. A woman may be very happy in a marriage where there is a great deal of understanding and caring and sharing but no sex. The man will additionally need a great sexual outlet which may or maynot be emotionally fulfilling.
The problem is most men NEED good sex all the time because it somehow wired with their self esteem, self image and growth. For women on the other hand it is giving the best part of them to enjoy a closeness. Once a closeness is established they may not need to have sex anymore. Men will however need continued assurance.
A marriage therefore over a time may translate to responsibility, a promise to keep or a secure haven - depending on the denials/ deceit we live to keep our lives exciting/boring.
Unless we make an effort to understand how and why SEX dominates our happiness and wellbeing, most of us will complain of stagnating relationships...
Sex... a hot button, interesting how people react to it.
I believe I am a spiritual being having a human experience, I live in a body that has needs and urges. Sex is dirty, it is physical, there are fluids, it is messy, I am an animal, I do not know how to do it? what will people think? what are my conditioned responses to sex and being a sexual being? what did my parents teach and demonstrate to me? All kinds of thoughts on one side of the equation.
I can connect to God through sex, I can connect to another human being through sex, can feel desire, I can be sensual, I can lust, I can explore my body, I can be intimate and expose a part of myself to someone and let them see my true self.
I came to explore life as a human being in a body. True there is no right or wrong in what experiences we choose for ourselves. We can be sexual or celibate or have platonic relationship or maybe we can have all the experiences at different times of our lives.
Nice Angle..;-)
But It's the same thing of asking 'Who is in pain' at the hospital emergency room. No doubt what the responses will be.
We are all in a quest for our own personal development, it takes some degree of crisis to push us to seek for help. Going to a seminar in personal development is an indication that this motivation is there. So It's kind of normal to get 80% unhappy with their relationship.
But what it's the connection between happiness, intimacy and Sex?
Can we really say that good sex is a condition for happiness?
Or That intimacy is a consequence of good sex?
1.For a married man always the other girl looks beautiful then his wife. I do not know why.
2. After having children urge to have sex decreases and life becomes mechanical due to somereason
3. Attributes for a happy married life changes or married man gets trapped due to some reason
An even scarier perspective on this is that it's 90% of people IN A RELATIONSHIP aren't having good sex. And based on this almost 50% aren't in a relationship. Which means as many as 95% of the population aren't having a good, intimate relationship.
Having said that, I'm with Carol in saying that I don't agree with the idea that if I'm not in an intimate relationship I will never be truly fulfilled. I've come to the realization that I'm probably not cut out for a romantic relationship with a woman at this stage of my experience. But as a loving father, loyal friend to many, caring uncle, and dedicated high school teacher my life has never been more fulfilling.
I'm blessed:
my loving wife,
my beautiful place...
Ups and downs for sure,
But it's mainly a question of Choice!
Burt, you just pushed a button
I love my wife but we do not have sex anymore even though we are in our young forty's. There is a lot of tenderness between us but no sexual sharing. I learned in 2006 that she was abused sexually by her step-father when she was 13 and this continued until she left her home when she was 18. She felt ashamed of this even though she was the victim. And me, it is like I associated sex with something bad FOR HER. It is like we do not find the way to have fun in the bed together.
Hi Bert,
Those results are world wide yhey are mind blowing, no wonder there is so much sadness in the world. I must say I am 64 and still going strong and our life is just fantastic we have a great time together in every facet of our relationship, I am so greatful.
cheers
I think that it takes two to tango. Sometimes people marry for the wrong reasons, and then blame the other person when they are not happy within that relationship. I hate to say this but it takes two people wanting to "fix" the relationship if it is not fulfilling. It gets tiring to try to do it on your own if your partner does not want to do anything else, but find fault with you. Being put down is not sexy.
I believe there are as many relationships categories as there are imaginations. For what are we but pure communion with each other and the world. Yet perhaps when we let fear get in the way of expressing our true selves it is hard not to experience the suffering that usually is associated with lying to ourselves through others. It is also possible that we try to hide from this 'shame' which only tends to make matters worse, and waste our true potential, and perhaps keep us from the partner dreams are made of.
I am deeply in love with my partner, and I do know that it is a challenge for me to keep my heart open to her all the time due to my own insecurities. And for a time my head was so far down in the sand that I came to close to risk losing what I already knew I had. But she is worth the experience in life and when sex is involved it is magical all the same.
Happy to share.
P.S. Burt, I loved your discs, they helped pull me from a dark place. Thanks.
I waited a long time for my 'prince' to come along - kissed a lot of frogs whist waiting for him too!
But now I finally know exactly how it feels to love, and be loved.
I wasn't searching, nor was he. He was someone I'd known for over a year on the internet, but had never thought of him in any other way than as a friend.
Then last year he came to my country with another mutual friend - just for a visit to a place he has always enjoyed - and Bingo! Love at first sight!
Something I'd always considered absolute tosh, just something that happened in films and Mills & Boon books!
We have an intimate and passionate relationship, and above all are THE best of friends too - life just can't offer better than that!
As for children! Throughout history we parents have tried to save them from making our mistakes.
I've come to realise they NEED to make them!
We just have to be there for when they may fall.
Sex better than ever thanks. I'm mid fifties my partner not quite thirty. We have a great time. It's so important. You need to give your quality of relating attention. So many people focus on money and work. Relating and enjoying physical pleasure is too important for your health and happiness to take third or fourth place in the list of what you give attention to.
After 35 years both persons in a a serious relationship have changed drastically - probably as many times as a 7 year itch lasts, and when your profession and daily lives are vastly different, it is a continuous struggle to stay close, especially when times are a bit tough. So it needs a lot of work and communicating to be a real couple. Intimate relationships go to sleep in most relationships for a variety of reasons, which is a great pity, but most people put up with it, because it seems to be the overwhelming norm.
Now in our seventies, we are still starry-eyed, fully
focused and in crazy love, even after over forty years of being together. Truly enjoying the world through two sets of eyes and combined hearts, we delight in and take care of ourselves and each other. We love to brag about still being
on our 'honeymoon' (renewed our wedding vows on our 25th
anniversary!), and long ago recognized that our grand
passion was life-affirming for others as well. We are
greatly and truly blessed to have chosen to live this way
'Come hell or high water' our relationship 'rocks'!!! xoxoxo
Wow Burt....looks like you stirred up a bee's nest on this one...I have to say I agree with you though. It has been my personal experience that when we allow intimacy to "be" our relationship and are living unconditional love for ourselves and our partner life is wonderful...and it may or may not end in a wild romp every second of the day. But when we have let the circumstances in life become a focus and the negativity and stress creeps in then the intimacy suffers and that is when we have gotten in trouble. My husband passed away two and a half years ago and someday I will again meet someone who understands this concept and will be even happier than I am now. Being alone can be uplifting...but having someone to share all the wonder with is a bonus. If you are at peace within yourself and living your truth intimacy flows along with that....in my experience anyway....sure can't speak for anyone else. Have a wonderful day folks.....every second is precious.
I truly believe that happiness is wanting what you have and not having what you want. Relationships have to be worked at by both parties not just one. There should be no boss in the relationship it should be partners 50-50.
If people arent having sex:
Its because they settle with what they think they can get
or
They dont have the skills to hook up, along with taking care of themselves to look and feel attractive.
Yeah I know right now I am single, but where I am going is what matters. In my mind I am never single(when I visualize).
Its when my feelings match my desire.
I am currently studying social dynamics, so I plan on being a guru for other men.
I hope all of you out their are keeping this area in check and looking at your self as worthy. I know I am keeping this in check!!!
Sex isn`t everything - many people use sex for relief from tension or to drown their problems. Somewhere I read that there are no relationship problems its the people who have the problems.
Unless we have a good relationship with ourselveswe haven`t a hope in hell of sustaining a good relationship with other people and a good relationship does not haveto include sex as some people consider the mental relationship between themselves and their partner is extremely important, if not more important.
Hey Burt,
" My life will never be truly fulfilled" Well - you'd like me to do what with this information? Needless to say I think "it aint necessarily so" although a relationship adds. xo Carol
i know this...maybe the % of peopele that have a Intimate sex is very small, because why all this mad shoping sickness and adrenalin sports and on, and on...
NO SEX...
BUT no sex like in the porn movies of corse..it does not count!
you know!
But then , prey for the right partner..:))))
Well i know my reason for my answer I was in a long term relationship with a partner we had three children and the stress of bringing up those children in this world we are in nearly drove me to suicide, eventually we broke up and i finished bringing my children up on my own. They are now gone Thank God Believe me i would not recommend to anyone having children after my experience!! Hell is not down below it is here on this earth.
I am married now to a very good woman but my past has truly damped my sex life even though i do love and care deeply for my wife. I have a step daughter with whom i do not agree or see eye to with as she is much the same as my own kids,
Tell her don't do some thing as she will get burned and "guess what" she'll go and do it anyway just to see what it is like. i DON'T KNOW I JUST GIVE UP. To be truthful Burt i can't wait for the day i am finally at peace and away hopefully from this mixed up crazy world.
hi, i love receiving your emails, iv been single for the last 6 years and dont know where im going wrong... i go out all the time but just dont seem to meet any one that is single... i seem to attract fellas that are in relationships... where am i going wrong????????