It'll take me some time to go through all the questions you asked in the previous blog post, but I know you need help so I've prepared something for you.
It's an exercise I call The 3 Passion Pledges, and it's the first step you must take before you get my upcoming program at 10am (EST), on the 27th of May.
It has helped a number of my close friends improve their relationship by leaps and bounds, and I'm sure it'll do the same for you.
All you have to do is complete 3 simple tasks over the next 3 days. Don't worry, they won't be too hard. I'm not going to ask you to rent an airplane and paint your lover's name across the sky 
So let's get started. Pledge number one is oh-so-easy, but when done right will undoubtedly put a grateful smile on your partner's face...
The Mindfulness Exercise
First, spend 5 minutes thinking about what challenges your partner faces in his or her life.
- Do they have a stressful job?
- Do they have to go through heavy traffic, or a busy commute every day?
- Are they constantly bogged down with house chores?
- Kids?
- Health issues?
Once you've identified these challenges, pick one (preferably the one they seem bothered about most), and talk to them about it.
Don't overcomplicate things. All you have to do is find an appropriate time, when he or she is relaxed, look into your partners eyes (and I mean really look into their eyes) and start the conversation with a simple statement.
A statement like "It must be tiring for you to travel that distance every single day."
Or "The kids sure can be a handful sometimes, eh?"
Trust me. Even if it's a plain statement about a daily occurrence, they'll appreciate the fact that you noticed.
The next step is LISTEN. They will most likely open up about the issue, and this is where empathy comes into play.
Be supportive. Listen to what they're saying, and offer solutions or suggestions whenever possible.
Make sure they realize that you know where they're coming from. If the challenge they're facing stems from a fault of their own, gently offer advice. Nobody likes to be talked down to.
And what do you do if they don't open up about the issue? Just tell them you understand what they're going through, and that you're willing to help them if they need it. At the very least that'll give them some food for thought.
And that's all there is to it! Like I said, this is an essential step to take before you start using my upcoming program, so I sincerely hope you'll give it a try. It's so simple that if you can't commit to this, I can safely say you are NOT committed to having a passionate and intimate relationship.
I'll be back with the next Passion Pledge tomorrow. Let me know how this one went for you in the comments section.
Burt
My name is Burt Goldman. I’m one of those “lucky people” who discovered a secret early in life. For the last 50 years, I have been traveling the world and meeting and studying spiritual masters from every inch of our planet. Now, at the age of 82, I'm ready to share with the world what I have learned. I started this blog to be able to share with you my most valuable teachings and insights I have gained over the past few decades. Here, you'll find plenty of valuable information on meditation, energy healing, spirituality, and my latest revelation, Quantum Jumping. I look forward to connecting with you and I sincerely hope you enjoy being a part of this blog.
Burt We met sometime back years ago and to this day I still feel that your one of the most intelligent men the planet.Yes the tree fold pledg is a great idea for all looking for true happiness.So I say "I take the the three pledgs" Now misses Right please send an E-mail thanks.
I tried to click on the link for the seven free taster lessons but there was no link.
This all seems very good advise and I really do appreciate it. But my husband doesn't talk (no, really, he doesn't... ask him how his day was and all you'll get is 'okay'; ask any more and he walks away from you as if he never heard you), and he's totally closed to trying anything to help our relationship. I've tried everything including seeing several therapists who, after trying to talk to him, have all told me he'll never change. It's almost as if he's just not there. Can adults be autistic? I keep hoping for a breakthrough, but after 26 years, I think I'm the one with the problem. Anyway, I keep reading and taking in the information. Thank you.
I have Post Herpetic Pain from Shingles, How can I find
release from this tortures PAIN ??? It is 7 months now !
Love and -
Thank U EV
Hi Burt
Just to say thank you for sending to me the ENLP I ordered. I have been using it sence I received it I dont notice any change. Is it because of what? I will like to know, thank you
Aloysius
This is something we believe as a couple should be practiced daily.Communication is so important in any great relationship.
It is so important to show those you love that you are there for them. Being open talking and making sure you listen with out interrupting is so important to letting them know your their for them.
I believe you should do this with all your relationships not just your lover.
Thanks Burt reminders are great!!
Miss
My husband and I understand each other so well that we don't mind sharing intimacies with other people. He understands my needs and loves to please me as well as I love to please him even if it means sharing each other with someone else. We have been together for more than 37 years and our love is as strong as the first day...with a twist. Thanks for all the great advice and keep up the good work.
You usually make wonderful or give wonderful advice. I was wondering you give awesome advice that I will give to my parents, but how about my relationships with my brother and parents... my friends... How do I improve those? Do you have any suggestions?
This is really what relationships need. Empathy is something I have been working on for the last few years. I will use this on a conscious level with my partner.
Dear Burt. I am in an off and on relationship with a woman I am so in love with. She feels that she doesn't feel as strongly as I do, so wants to be distant with her feelings. I have told her that it's alright to feel the way she does, but that we have a good relationship until she finds her "true love". She knows that I love her and her distant attitude hurts and I don't know what to do except maybe walk away. Is there something I can do or say to catch her love and save a good relationship?
i just want to say how very kind it is that this man is for taking the time to help everyone in this situation. on behalf of us all i want to say thank you to the american monk and to tell him that the message he sends out here on his website glows with love . i feel loved just reading it!
thank you.
I will try that Burt. However, I think that I will have a hard time of it due to having a husband who pathologically lies about alot of issues to hide his insecurities and one who has cheated on me a couple of times due to his uncontrolable temper tantrums whenever he doesn't get his way all of the time. He will rant until you break out of exhaustion so he can get his way.
I have been leaning towards divorce for some time now and have not done it yet because he works real hard to sabotage me anyway he can. Financially, transportation wise, socially. He knows that I have been straight forward with him and I am not happy and he also knows that he has done wrong.
He works for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office and is also a Sergeant in the Florida Army National Guard Reserves, Echo Forward Support Unit attached to 1st Battalion, 124th Infantry, 53rd Brigade in Miami. He suffers at present from Fight-or-Flight syndrome and PTSD from the Operation Iraqi Freedom War. He went to war from March 5, 2003 to February 28, 2004. Most of the guys in his unit came back hurt.
I can understand all of this and I have been very supportive through involving myself with Family Readiness Support as a Family Support Coordinator and always assisting him with administrative tasks.
What I can't understand and will not tolerate is infidelity, pathological lying, control or manipulation. I just finished Massage Therapy School and I am now preparing myself for the state boards. That still doesn't solve the fact that he now has my car because he purposely allowed his truck to blow out the engine because he wanted my car. His truck is a stick-shift and my car is automatic. After many years of loving manual transmissions and trucks, now he wants to take over my car because he has discovered that he has torn meniscus of the left knee all the way around it. His leg has gotten stiff so he can barely bend it unless he receives massage treatments. The only other way to repair this is of course through surgery and he knows this.
I will try your lessons, however, it will be very hard for me. I am a very forgiving person, however, I have never been the kind of person that allows someone to disrespect my health boundaries, yet he has been successful; Why? because when I have spoken to attorneys and describe everything that I have been through with him, they immediately request $4,500.00 up front, and because of the fact that I don't have transportation, I am not working, so that means that I cannot afford to file yet. I have tried many ways. I have spoken to him about counseling. He states that he is willing, yet he never takes the steps to go out of his own free will. I am the one who always has to make the appointments. I also think that an old head injury together with his fight-or-flight syndrome and his PTSD from the war is causing possible other psychological/neurological problems. He really needs to be evaluated, however, he is scared to do so because of his job and the Florida Army National Guard and what they would think and do to his careers.
Anyway, I will try these last things before calling it quits.
Thank you
Virginia B.
BusyGal4858@yahoo.com
Coral Springs, FL
The first is a no-brainer - it exemplifies the normal interaction pattern here .......the stress is high and the distance will likely be maintained until he has things sorted to his satisfaction re work etc.
Burt,
Up to now, I have agreed with almost everything you have ever shared...however, not this.
I am a well seasoned listener. I feel LISTENING is one of the Greatest Gifts we can give another human being. Truly listen and hear everything they have to share. Few people do this. They are too busy contemplating what they want to share or tell their own "story" feeling that is a form of empathy. I also refuse to empathize with someone who sees themselves as powerless or a victim. I am not going to tell them they are wrong, or attempt to change their point of view, I just will not agree with them and empower what I feel is not true. I do not feel it serves them. I might just say that has not been my own experience in similar situations.
I have a totally different approach, because I have learned ... when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The last thing most people desire is "unwanted advice"! Usually they just greatly appreciate someone who truly listens and affirms what they share, plain and simple, free of interruptions and attempting to "fix" someone. There is nothing "wrong" with them. They are merely sharing their own perspective of their lives.
After I am sure I have listened well, I might ask..."Do you want any suggestions or feedback?" If they say yes, then I am free to offer some and not until I get permission.
I am fully willing to acknowledge how tired someone might be, or how difficult their work might be, or the drive to work and so on. That comes naturally to me. I just am unwilling to try and offer unsolicited advice. Having that as an "agenda" in my point of view, prevents me from truly listening 100%.
Love, Morgine
Hi Burt.,
You do such wonderful things for people. God bless you.
I have a friend whom I share with but he really never
listens to me or at times think's I am just a dumb
blond...Gee I have made it to age 69 and raised a
family years ago...I would really rather work on
myself and get to know me and make my life better for
a change...My friend and I really don't have much in
common...I am a christian and he isn't...But to each
their own...He is my best friend...thanks...Gloria
YOU HAVE THE WRONG GAL. I HAVE BEEN WIDOWED SINCE 1992 AND COULD SAY 1990 AS I HAD TO PLACE HUSBAND IN NURSING HOME IN 1990 WITH ALZHEIMERS. I HAD TWO WONDERFUL MARRIAGES-FIRST FOR 31 YEARS, AND SECOND FOR 11 BEFORE ALZHEIMERS.
I AM ONE OF THE VERY FORTUNATE PEOPLE TO HAVE GREAT IN-LAWS
WITH BOTH MARRIAGES. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS ARE.
I HAVEN'T LOOKED FOR A THIRD MATE OR HAVE I EVEN DATED.
I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF BOOK BUYERS COME SPEND 2 OR 3 DAYS WITH ME AS A STUDENT. I ENJOY THIS and PREPARE MOST MEALS SO CAN WE EAT IN MY HOME AND CAN CONTINUE TO WATCH THE MARKETS
DURING TRADING HOURS.
EVEN THOUGH I WILL BE 88 NEXT MONTH I STILL PREPARE WELL BALANCED MEALS AND CLASS MYSELF AS A SEMI GOURMENT COOK.
I DON'T LIKE EATING ALONE, BUT YOU WILL AGREE THERE IS NO ONE TO FUSS AT OR ANYONE TO BUG YOU.
I HAVE A GREAT FRIENDSHIP WITH ONE OF MY BOOK BUYERS WHO IS UNMARRIED AND 32 YEARS YOUNGER. I VISIT HIM IN THE WINTER MONTHS IN FLORIDA AND HE VISISTS ME IN ILLINOIS IN THE SUMMER.
HE WAS SEVERELY INJURED IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT 20 YEARS AGO AND HAS BEEN UNEMPLOYED SINCE DUE TO SHORT TERM BRAIN DAMAGE.
HIS TELEPHONE CHATS HELP FILL THE VOID LEFT BY THE DEATH OF MY 60 YEAR OLD SON LAST YEAR.
RUTH MILLER
Yep I'm in the same boat as most are no other half,My stress came when I lost my job,Couldn't eat for day's much less think of going out.You might try like I did start working out to take your mind off what as put so much stress into your life or a good book that you can put yourself in it that carries you away from here and you find relaxing moments to just let go.I sometime read the Bible it helps me too.When I was married we use to go campany,And you can stay at a hotel it gives you a feeling of relaxing not being at home can spark and get that old engine running again.But the most part you need tobe more open with each other about your likes and deslikes and what your wanting in bed and in your marriage.This I found out the hard way,You don't have too.
Dear Burt......
Its a smiple and very useful peldege....
Thanks
the person i love is not yet with me......i am sure he will come soon, and that something important is holding him up.I would really like to speak to him sometimes though......
The person I am in love with and I are not presently in a relationship, and see each other rarely due to distance. How could I apply this to an email or letter?? I try to respect private time by not phone calling, but rather texting. I would love to be able to practice (he has beautiful eyes) but may have to wait for my opportunity... any advice would be appreciated.
Okay so what do you do, if you don't have any friends and can't get a date?
I mean, I guess I could talk to my self about some of the stressful things I go trough lol.
I experienced prpblems like PROSTATE ,BUSINESS LOSS, MONEY AND PROPERTY LOSSES , I became very stresfull and i had to get pills .I was fortunate enough to meet a REIKI MAN which i trusted and thank God things came right for me again .Istarted working nightshift for the last 4 years and study as well .my sex life came to a stand still.I feel very sorry for my wife with little courage to start again and with the fear that i might not do well like the good days .note that on my spare time if any I do HEALING , BEEN willing and practising ,so as to help people and finding eventually my new purpose in life .I keep trying BURT thanks for your good advice...marios
Thank you, sometimes I forget to focus on the other person and find time for him when all the craziness of the family is going on. I'll try it and see how he responds.
Hey what about the single people out there??? I would love to find someone but just think I'm not good enough!!!
Hi bert,
interesting point listen! this word in my opion is the key too sucess in all relashionships,husbands,wifes,daughters,sons,friends JUST LISTEN !!(WITHOUT INTERUPTING FOR 5 MIN).
Hi Burt,
My husband and I have agreed to separate on a very agreeable basis and as he is already in another relationship I have no-one at present to do this exercise with. So I thought about it and said well, I do have a relationship with myself and my children so I will apply it to those situations. It will be interesting to see the outcome.
Dear Burt,
This is a wonderful thing that you are doing and I hope people will take heed. However,I do not have a partner presently, and it has been quite some time. If and when I decide that the time is right, that relationship will have to be based on mutual respect as I have always maintained that love really doesn't stand a snowball's chance without respect for each other.
Thank you. And I'll be in touch.
Verette
Yes, looking into someones eyes, being fully present and really listening is a great way to let someone know you care.
Not so sure about giving advice though. It's often said that women in particular like to be fully 'heard' but don't always want the 'Mr Fixit solution' from their man.
This is often true in my experience.
Thank you for opening up an intersting area for discussion.
Heartfully yours,
Dhiraj
Dear Burt thank you for the suggestions of three, I have given them time and thought on how to implement these suggestions into play, I sincerely think that these are great ideas, look forward to make in them happen when the time feels right, the only concern that I have is that I might give the wrong suggestion or advice or have the tables turned on me, giving advice is a large responsibility because you want your partner to know that it's sincere, and that you mean well things buy it for both
I need to talk to my wife about health issues. She is visiting her mother and will be back on 23rd. I'll talk to her and get back to you.
Better and better
Shankar, India
In my imagination I imagine my lover would be very respectful in his sharing of difficulties in his life. He would make it so i wouldn't be overburdened by his problems as well as my own. Of course I would hope I would do the same but as I don't live with my lover I have no experience of this. It seems like this would be a good exercise. Thanks Burt.
Greetings,
Even though my husband and I don't have a physical relationship, we laugh, tell each other "I Love You" everyday. We do things together, but, we each have our own personal friends which is OK with me. We've been together for 13 years and had rough road at first, but we've worked it out, I don't have a problem with this relationship and love him very much. Blessings to all.
Hi Burt: I don't want to get too personal with my questions,however, I generally wonder about people's philosophies when they give advice and help other folks, as you have done so marvelously. I know you are very successul in the areas where you teach other people, so that advice is not only book learned, but you walk the talk as well, apparently. My question is, as far as relationships are concerned and love life, and sex, have you found the success there too? Have you applied it to your marriage, and other love interests, past and present? Sorry if it is too personal.
The emergence of 'Passion' requires many elements. These are a few of them. Feel free to add more..
1. A true sense of security in oneself. Fearless..
2. A large quantity of confidence..in having discipline to play by the constuctive rules..and correct, overcome destructive ones, unless the destructives are designed to create reconstructions.
3. A solid healthy belief system..in promoting constructive relationship interactions..
4. A unshakable trust in you and your connectivities..connections and activities.
5. A deep understanding of action (irritation) from reacting to one's partner ( regarding passion/passionate interactivites)with the focus not base upon what we get or the reassurance from past activities (sex). Sex yesterday does not guranty sex today..
6. A thankful attitude appreciating the consumption of 'time, energy, resources, wisdom' of those we relate intimately (our partners).
7. A willingness to assume promotion or reenergizing our partner's energies and responsible for maintaining our own energies to promote more deeper passion (s).
very good and practically useful .at present it is not arising questions on my side because there is nothing to tap from questions.
I really like the simplicity and logic about this advice. I´ve been married for 16 years now and I know this counsel often works to open up the dialogue in a marriage. Thank you very much Burt!
Hello Burt,
Thank you for the advice. My boyfriend has been bogged down with work issues lately, and I have taken the time to "stop," "listen" and offer advice if need be. It is a great exercise.
Much succcess to you.
Arthieyer
i do not have a partner bjut yes my job is stressful
Hello Burt,
It is power in knowing someone cares about you.
The burdens of life can stop you from enjoying life
Stay connected with each other and talking about your challenges are important.
Thanks for your wisdom Peace
Well Burt your exercise is true I use it many time before 30 years ago and many time after. The problem I have whit that is. I end up being the only one to understand her in returnd she never understand me and what ever decision she take, she all way say!! I know you understand me!! All do I understand it doesn't mean that I agree with her so my life end up a one way street her way. thank you.
Dear Burt,
Your advice is perfect to me, first of all communication ...
I started from some weeks to ask and listen more than in the past. Anyhow not always I am in the right mood to be effective in this respect, because also myself would need sometime somebody available to empathise with me.
Do you know what? I will print your post and will read it again with my wife, to stimulate her to do the same.
Thanks again to take care of these topics
Sincerly, Paolo
Dear Burt, thank you so much for Passion Pledge and Mindfulness Exercise. When I listen to my friends about
their problems I become ill. All theirs problems suddenly fulfill all my body and mind. How I can overcome it? Please, give me good advice.
Love and joy, Ela