42 Comments on “The 3 Passion Pledges — Pledge 1” - Post your own?

William R. Doherty jr. says

Burt We met some­time back years ago and to this day I still feel that your one of the most intel­li­gent men the planet.Yes the tree fold pledg is a great idea for all look­ing for true happiness.So I say “I take the the three pledgs” Now misses Right please send an E-mail thanks.

kathy says

I tried to click on the link for the seven free taster lessons but there was no link.

Caty says

This all seems very good advise and I really do appre­ci­ate it. But my hus­band doesn’t talk (no, really, he doesn’t… ask him how his day was and all you’ll get is ‘okay’; ask any more and he walks away from you as if he never heard you), and he’s totally closed to try­ing any­thing to help our rela­tion­ship. I’ve tried every­thing includ­ing see­ing sev­eral ther­a­pists who, after try­ing to talk to him, have all told me he’ll never change. It’s almost as if he’s just not there. Can adults be autis­tic? I keep hop­ing for a break­through, but after 26 years, I think I’m the one with the prob­lem. Any­way, I keep read­ing and tak­ing in the infor­ma­tion. Thank you.

EV says

I have Post Her­petic Pain from Shin­gles, How can I find
release from this tor­tures PAIN ??? It is 7 months now !
Love and -
Thank U EV

aloysius says

Hi Burt
Just to say thank you for send­ing to me the ENLP I ordered. I have been using it sence I received it I dont notice any change. Is it because of what? I will like to know, thank you
Aloysius

Miss says

This is some­thing we believe as a cou­ple should be prac­ticed daily.Communication is so impor­tant in any great rela­tion­ship.
It is so impor­tant to show those you love that you are there for them. Being open talk­ing and mak­ing sure you lis­ten with out inter­rupt­ing is so impor­tant to let­ting them know your their for them.
I believe you should do this with all your rela­tion­ships not just your lover.
Thanks Burt reminders are great!!
Miss

Glo says

My hus­band and I under­stand each other so well that we don’t mind shar­ing inti­ma­cies with other peo­ple. He under­stands my needs and loves to please me as well as I love to please him even if it means shar­ing each other with some­one else. We have been together for more than 37 years and our love is as strong as the first day…with a twist. Thanks for all the great advice and keep up the good work.

Luna says

You usu­ally make won­der­ful or give won­der­ful advice. I was won­der­ing you give awe­some advice that I will give to my par­ents, but how about my rela­tion­ships with my brother and par­ents… my friends… How do I improve those? Do you have any suggestions?

Cathy says

This is really what rela­tion­ships need. Empa­thy is some­thing I have been work­ing on for the last few years. I will use this on a con­scious level with my partner.

David says

Dear Burt. I am in an off and on rela­tion­ship with a woman I am so in love with. She feels that she doesn’t feel as strongly as I do, so wants to be dis­tant with her feel­ings. I have told her that it’s alright to feel the way she does, but that we have a good rela­tion­ship until she finds her “true love”. She knows that I love her and her dis­tant atti­tude hurts and I don’t know what to do except maybe walk away. Is there some­thing I can do or say to catch her love and save a good relationship?

liz says

i just want to say how very kind it is that this man is for tak­ing the time to help every­one in this sit­u­a­tion. on behalf of us all i want to say thank you to the amer­i­can monk and to tell him that the mes­sage he sends out here on his web­site glows with love . i feel loved just read­ing it!
thank you.

Virginia B says

I will try that Burt. How­ever, I think that I will have a hard time of it due to hav­ing a hus­band who patho­log­i­cally lies about alot of issues to hide his inse­cu­ri­ties and one who has cheated on me a cou­ple of times due to his uncon­tro­lable tem­per tantrums when­ever he doesn’t get his way all of the time. He will rant until you break out of exhaus­tion so he can get his way.

I have been lean­ing towards divorce for some time now and have not done it yet because he works real hard to sab­o­tage me any­way he can. Finan­cially, trans­porta­tion wise, socially. He knows that I have been straight for­ward with him and I am not happy and he also knows that he has done wrong.

He works for the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office and is also a Sergeant in the Florida Army National Guard Reserves, Echo For­ward Sup­port Unit attached to 1st Bat­tal­ion, 124th Infantry, 53rd Brigade in Miami. He suf­fers at present from Fight-or-Flight syn­drome and PTSD from the Oper­a­tion Iraqi Free­dom War. He went to war from March 5, 2003 to Feb­ru­ary 28, 2004. Most of the guys in his unit came back hurt.

I can under­stand all of this and I have been very sup­port­ive through involv­ing myself with Fam­ily Readi­ness Sup­port as a Fam­ily Sup­port Coor­di­na­tor and always assist­ing him with admin­is­tra­tive tasks.

What I can’t under­stand and will not tol­er­ate is infi­delity, patho­log­i­cal lying, con­trol or manip­u­la­tion. I just fin­ished Mas­sage Ther­apy School and I am now prepar­ing myself for the state boards. That still doesn’t solve the fact that he now has my car because he pur­posely allowed his truck to blow out the engine because he wanted my car. His truck is a stick-shift and my car is auto­matic. After many years of lov­ing man­ual trans­mis­sions and trucks, now he wants to take over my car because he has dis­cov­ered that he has torn menis­cus of the left knee all the way around it. His leg has got­ten stiff so he can barely bend it unless he receives mas­sage treat­ments. The only other way to repair this is of course through surgery and he knows this.

I will try your lessons, how­ever, it will be very hard for me. I am a very for­giv­ing per­son, how­ever, I have never been the kind of per­son that allows some­one to dis­re­spect my health bound­aries, yet he has been suc­cess­ful; Why? because when I have spo­ken to attor­neys and describe every­thing that I have been through with him, they imme­di­ately request $4,500.00 up front, and because of the fact that I don’t have trans­porta­tion, I am not work­ing, so that means that I can­not afford to file yet. I have tried many ways. I have spo­ken to him about coun­sel­ing. He states that he is will­ing, yet he never takes the steps to go out of his own free will. I am the one who always has to make the appoint­ments. I also think that an old head injury together with his fight-or-flight syn­drome and his PTSD from the war is caus­ing pos­si­ble other psychological/neurological prob­lems. He really needs to be eval­u­ated, how­ever, he is scared to do so because of his job and the Florida Army National Guard and what they would think and do to his careers.

Any­way, I will try these last things before call­ing it quits.

Thank you

Vir­ginia B.
BusyGal4858@yahoo.com
Coral Springs, FL

annette says

The first is a no-brainer — it exem­pli­fies the nor­mal inter­ac­tion pat­tern here .……the stress is high and the dis­tance will likely be main­tained until he has things sorted to his sat­is­fac­tion re work etc.

Morgine says

Burt,

Up to now, I have agreed with almost every­thing you have ever shared…however, not this.

I am a well sea­soned lis­tener. I feel LISTENING is one of the Great­est Gifts we can give another human being. Truly lis­ten and hear every­thing they have to share. Few peo­ple do this. They are too busy con­tem­plat­ing what they want to share or tell their own “story” feel­ing that is a form of empa­thy. I also refuse to empathize with some­one who sees them­selves as pow­er­less or a vic­tim. I am not going to tell them they are wrong, or attempt to change their point of view, I just will not agree with them and empower what I feel is not true. I do not feel it serves them. I might just say that has not been my own expe­ri­ence in sim­i­lar situations.

I have a totally dif­fer­ent approach, because I have learned … when the stu­dent is ready, the teacher will appear. The last thing most peo­ple desire is “unwanted advice”! Usu­ally they just greatly appre­ci­ate some­one who truly lis­tens and affirms what they share, plain and sim­ple, free of inter­rup­tions and attempt­ing to “fix” some­one. There is noth­ing “wrong” with them. They are merely shar­ing their own per­spec­tive of their lives.

After I am sure I have lis­tened well, I might ask…“Do you want any sug­ges­tions or feed­back?” If they say yes, then I am free to offer some and not until I get permission.

I am fully will­ing to acknowl­edge how tired some­one might be, or how dif­fi­cult their work might be, or the drive to work and so on. That comes nat­u­rally to me. I just am unwill­ing to try and offer unso­licited advice. Hav­ing that as an “agenda” in my point of view, pre­vents me from truly lis­ten­ing 100%.

Love, Morgine

Gloria M. says

Hi Burt.,
You do such won­der­ful things for peo­ple. God bless you.
I have a friend whom I share with but he really never
lis­tens to me or at times think’s I am just a dumb
blond…Gee I have made it to age 69 and raised a
fam­ily years ago…I would really rather work on
myself and get to know me and make my life bet­ter for
a change…My friend and I really don’t have much in
common…I am a chris­t­ian and he isn’t…But to each
their own…He is my best friend…thanks…Gloria

Ruth Miller PhD says

YOU HAVE THE WRONG GAL. I HAVE BEEN WIDOWED SINCE 1992 AND COULD SAY 1990 AS I HAD TO PLACE HUSBAND IN NURSING HOME IN 1990 WITH ALZHEIMERS. I HAD TWO WONDERFUL MARRIAGES-FIRST FOR 31 YEARS, AND SECOND FOR 11 BEFORE ALZHEIMERS.
I AM ONE OF THE VERY FORTUNATE PEOPLE TO HAVE GREAT IN-LAWS
WITH BOTH MARRIAGES. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS ARE.
I HAVEN’T LOOKED FOR A THIRD MATE OR HAVE I EVEN DATED.
I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF BOOK BUYERS COME SPEND 2 OR 3 DAYS WITH ME AS A STUDENT. I ENJOY THIS and PREPARE MOST MEALS SO CAN WE EAT IN MY HOME AND CAN CONTINUE TO WATCH THE MARKETS
DURING TRADING HOURS.
EVEN THOUGH I WILL BE 88 NEXT MONTH I STILL PREPARE WELL BALANCED MEALS AND CLASS MYSELF AS A SEMI GOURMENT COOK.
I DON’T LIKE EATING ALONE, BUT YOU WILL AGREE THERE IS NO ONE TO FUSS AT OR ANYONE TO BUG YOU.
I HAVE A GREAT FRIENDSHIP WITH ONE OF MY BOOK BUYERS WHO IS UNMARRIED AND 32 YEARS YOUNGER. I VISIT HIM IN THE WINTER MONTHS IN FLORIDA AND HE VISISTS ME IN ILLINOIS IN THE SUMMER.
HE WAS SEVERELY INJURED IN AN AUTO ACCIDENT 20 YEARS AGO AND HAS BEEN UNEMPLOYED SINCE DUE TO SHORT TERM BRAIN DAMAGE.
HIS TELEPHONE CHATS HELP FILL THE VOID LEFT BY THE DEATH OF MY 60 YEAR OLD SON LAST YEAR.
RUTH MILLER

Steve says

Yep I’m in the same boat as most are no other half,My stress came when I lost my job,Couldn’t eat for day’s much less think of going out.You might try like I did start work­ing out to take your mind off what as put so much stress into your life or a good book that you can put your­self in it that car­ries you away from here and you find relax­ing moments to just let go.I some­time read the Bible it helps me too.When I was mar­ried we use to go campany,And you can stay at a hotel it gives you a feel­ing of relax­ing not being at home can spark and get that old engine run­ning again.But the most part you need tobe more open with each other about your likes and des­likes and what your want­ing in bed and in your marriage.This I found out the hard way,You don’t have too.

Srujana says

Dear Burt.…..

Its a smi­ple and very use­ful peldege.…

Thanks

amita says

the per­son i love is not yet with me.…..i am sure he will come soon, and that some­thing impor­tant is hold­ing him up.I would really like to speak to him some­times though.…..

Maya says

The per­son I am in love with and I are not presently in a rela­tion­ship, and see each other rarely due to dis­tance. How could I apply this to an email or let­ter?? I try to respect pri­vate time by not phone call­ing, but rather tex­ting. I would love to be able to prac­tice (he has beau­ti­ful eyes) but may have to wait for my oppor­tu­nity… any advice would be appreciated.

William says

Okay so what do you do, if you don’t have any friends and can’t get a date?

I mean, I guess I could talk to my self about some of the stress­ful things I go trough lol.

marios says

I expe­ri­enced prp­blems like PROSTATE ‚BUSINESS LOSS, MONEY AND PROPERTY LOSSES , I became very stres­full and i had to get pills .I was for­tu­nate enough to meet a REIKI MAN which i trusted and thank God things came right for me again .Istarted work­ing night­shift for the last 4 years and study as well .my sex life came to a stand still.I feel very sorry for my wife with lit­tle courage to start again and with the fear that i might not do well like the good days .note that on my spare time if any I do HEALING , BEEN will­ing and prac­tis­ing ‚so as to help peo­ple and find­ing even­tu­ally my new pur­pose in life .I keep try­ing BURT thanks for your good advice…marios

sabra says

Thank you, some­times I for­get to focus on the other per­son and find time for him when all the crazi­ness of the fam­ily is going on. I’ll try it and see how he responds.

the singles~ says

Hey what about the sin­gle peo­ple out there??? I would love to find some­one but just think I’m not good enough!!!

Rose says

Hi bert,

inter­est­ing point lis­ten! this word in my opion is the key too sucess in all relashionships,husbands,wifes,daughters,sons,friends JUST LISTEN !!(WITHOUT INTERUPTING FOR 5 MIN).

Kate says

Hi Burt,

My hus­band and I have agreed to sep­a­rate on a very agree­able basis and as he is already in another rela­tion­ship I have no-one at present to do this exer­cise with. So I thought about it and said well, I do have a rela­tion­ship with myself and my chil­dren so I will apply it to those sit­u­a­tions. It will be inter­est­ing to see the outcome.

Verette says

Dear Burt,

This is a won­der­ful thing that you are doing and I hope peo­ple will take heed. However,I do not have a part­ner presently, and it has been quite some time. If and when I decide that the time is right, that rela­tion­ship will have to be based on mutual respect as I have always main­tained that love really doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance with­out respect for each other.

Thank you. And I’ll be in touch.

Verette

Dhiraj says

Yes, look­ing into some­ones eyes, being fully present and really lis­ten­ing is a great way to let some­one know you care.
Not so sure about giv­ing advice though. It’s often said that women in par­tic­u­lar like to be fully ‘heard’ but don’t always want the ‘Mr Fixit solu­tion’ from their man.
This is often true in my expe­ri­ence.
Thank you for open­ing up an inter­st­ing area for dis­cus­sion.
Heart­fully yours,
Dhiraj

george says

Dear Burt thank you for the sug­ges­tions of three, I have given them time and thought on how to imple­ment these sug­ges­tions into play, I sin­cerely think that these are great ideas, look for­ward to make in them hap­pen when the time feels right, the only con­cern that I have is that I might give the wrong sug­ges­tion or advice or have the tables turned on me, giv­ing advice is a large respon­si­bil­ity because you want your part­ner to know that it’s sin­cere, and that you mean well things buy it for both

Shankar says

I need to talk to my wife about health issues. She is vis­it­ing her mother and will be back on 23rd. I’ll talk to her and get back to you.

Bet­ter and bet­ter
Shankar, India

Leila says

In my imag­i­na­tion I imag­ine my lover would be very respect­ful in his shar­ing of dif­fi­cul­ties in his life. He would make it so i wouldn’t be over­bur­dened by his prob­lems as well as my own. Of course I would hope I would do the same but as I don’t live with my lover I have no expe­ri­ence of this. It seems like this would be a good exer­cise. Thanks Burt.

Christina says

Greet­ings,
Even though my hus­band and I don’t have a phys­i­cal rela­tion­ship, we laugh, tell each other “I Love You” every­day. We do things together, but, we each have our own per­sonal friends which is OK with me. We’ve been together for 13 years and had rough road at first, but we’ve worked it out, I don’t have a prob­lem with this rela­tion­ship and love him very much. Bless­ings to all.

Paulina says

Hi Burt: I don’t want to get too per­sonal with my questions,however, I gen­er­ally won­der about people’s philoso­phies when they give advice and help other folks, as you have done so mar­velously. I know you are very suc­ces­sul in the areas where you teach other peo­ple, so that advice is not only book learned, but you walk the talk as well, appar­ently. My ques­tion is, as far as rela­tion­ships are con­cerned and love life, and sex, have you found the suc­cess there too? Have you applied it to your mar­riage, and other love inter­ests, past and present? Sorry if it is too personal.

thanaw says

The emer­gence of ‘Pas­sion’ requires many ele­ments. These are a few of them. Feel free to add more..
1. A true sense of secu­rity in one­self. Fear­less..
2. A large quan­tity of confidence..in hav­ing dis­ci­pline to play by the con­stuc­tive rules..and cor­rect, over­come destruc­tive ones, unless the destruc­tives are designed to cre­ate recon­struc­tions.
3. A solid healthy belief system..in pro­mot­ing con­struc­tive rela­tion­ship inter­ac­tions..
4. A unshak­able trust in you and your connectivities..connections and activ­i­ties.
5. A deep under­stand­ing of action (irri­ta­tion) from react­ing to one’s part­ner ( regard­ing passion/passionate interactivites)with the focus not base upon what we get or the reas­sur­ance from past activ­i­ties (sex). Sex yes­ter­day does not guranty sex today..
6. A thank­ful atti­tude appre­ci­at­ing the con­sump­tion of ‘time, energy, resources, wis­dom’ of those we relate inti­mately (our part­ners).
7. A will­ing­ness to assume pro­mo­tion or reen­er­giz­ing our partner’s ener­gies and respon­si­ble for main­tain­ing our own ener­gies to pro­mote more deeper pas­sion (s).

gopalkrishnan says

very good and prac­ti­cally use­ful .at present it is not aris­ing ques­tions on my side because there is noth­ing to tap from questions.

Claudia D. says

I really like the sim­plic­ity and logic about this advice. I´ve been mar­ried for 16 years now and I know this coun­sel often works to open up the dia­logue in a mar­riage. Thank you very much Burt!

Arthienyer L. Fraser says

Hello Burt,

Thank you for the advice. My boyfriend has been bogged down with work issues lately, and I have taken the time to “stop,” “lis­ten” and offer advice if need be. It is a great exercise.

Much suc­c­cess to you.
Arthieyer

debra lynch says

i do not have a part­ner bjut yes my job is stressful

Darrick says

Hello Burt,
It is power in know­ing some­one cares about you.
The bur­dens of life can stop you from enjoy­ing life
Stay con­nected with each other and talk­ing about your chal­lenges are impor­tant.
Thanks for your wis­dom Peace

Levis says

Well Burt your exer­cise is true I use it many time before 30 years ago and many time after. The prob­lem I have whit that is. I end up being the only one to under­stand her in returnd she never under­stand me and what ever deci­sion she take, she all way say!! I know you under­stand me!! All do I under­stand it doesn’t mean that I agree with her so my life end up a one way street her way. thank you.

Paolo says

Dear Burt,

Your advice is per­fect to me, first of all com­mu­ni­ca­tion …
I started from some weeks to ask and lis­ten more than in the past. Any­how not always I am in the right mood to be effec­tive in this respect, because also myself would need some­time some­body avail­able to empathise with me.
Do you know what? I will print your post and will read it again with my wife, to stim­u­late her to do the same.

Thanks again to take care of these topics

Sin­cerly, Paolo

Ela from Poland says

Dear Burt, thank you so much for Pas­sion Pledge and Mind­ful­ness Exer­cise. When I lis­ten to my friends about
their prob­lems I become ill. All theirs prob­lems sud­denly ful­fill all my body and mind. How I can over­come it? Please, give me good advice.
Love and joy, Ela

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