The Forgiveness Letter 154

All his life, a personal friend of mine has been struggling to cope with his troubled past. One of three siblings, his childhood was riddled with abuse by his irresponsible father, a man who seemed to almost take delight in physically and verbally assaulting his family.

Now in his late 40's, my friend, the youngest of his three siblings, has quite obviously moved out, and escaped the physical clutches of his abusive old man. His problem, though, is that he can't seem to shake off the ghosts of the past - his low self esteem and emotional damage have been causing problems with his health, relationships, and even his career at a construction firm.

But I knew he could be helped. So a few days ago, I called him up and asked him to write a simple letter.

This letter, known as a 'Forgiveness Letter', would heal that stubborn emotional scar for good. It would wash away the sins of the past, and make him a new man. A fresh start, if you will.

After listening to my instructions, he decided to give it a try. Here is what he wrote:

My Friend's Forgiveness Letter

Dear Dad,

You must have had your hands full with me as a kid. Like, remember the time me and Mitch got stuck in a tree while you and mom were out buying groceries? Or the day I got in a fight with that bully in fourth grade? You had to come and pick me up from school. I knew you'd be angry. And at times like those, you had every right to be.

But you were angry pretty often. Even at times you shouldn't have been. Like on those nights you came home drunk, long after mom and the rest of us had cleared the dinner table. You'd ask us where the food was, and you got pretty upset when we told you there wasn't any.

I just want to say that I forgive you for that.

I also remember the times you refused to pay for our school trips. So I sat at home when my classmates went to places like the beach, the theater, the zoo. I'd see you going off to the dog races not long after that, telling us you'd come home with a big winner that night.

I feel no hatred towards you, and I forgive you for that too.

In fact, I bear no ill will for everything you did. The times you laid your hands on us and mom. The times you told us we were worthless.  The times you forgot my birthday.

I forgive you.

I know that deep down you loved us. Despite everything you did, you'd still take us out for hot dogs sometimes. We went fishing. You gave us good advice. Told us to be true to ourselves. I even remember the kisses you gave us before we went to bed.

But nobody's perfect. And I hope that after all we've been through, you've learned just as much as I have. I'm still here for you. Because no matter what's been said and done, you're still my dad.

Yours Truly,

George

*Names changed to protect identities

That, my friends, is a Forgiveness Letter, and it is more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

After writing it, my friend told me he felt a gigantic weight lifting from his shoulders. Almost instantly, he felt better about himself. He's now more optimistic about his job, is starting to see all his old friends and the last I heard, he's thinking about going back into the dating game!

Is it hard to believe that one simple letter could really do so much? Probably. That's why I want you to try it for yourself.

You don't have to be in as much pain as my friend for this letter to work. Maybe you had a small disagreement with a friend. Maybe you've been feuding with an in-law. Maybe you're upset with your boss. It doesn't matter. No matter how big or small the problem is, the Forgiveness Letters will do wonders for you.

How to Write Your Own Forgiveness Letter

So here's how to write your very own Forgiveness Letter. Don't worry, there are only 3 easy steps:

1. Accept Responsibility

Start with accepting responsibility for the relationship with the person you're writing the letter to. Don't victimize yourself, and don't blame the other person for getting you into the situation you're in now.

2. Forgive them for all that they've done

This is the real meat of the letter. This is where you forgive the person for all that they've done. List out everything you forgive them for, if you feel like it. Stay sincere with everything you say, and try not to be sarcastic.

3. Wish them all the best

End your letter on a positive note by wishing them well, and expressing your hope for a better future.

So go ahead and give it a try. If you want, you can post open Forgiveness Letters here in the comments section of my blog. Or if you want to keep it private, just leave a comment letting me know how it worked for you.

I can't wait to hear how forgiveness has released you.

ps. It's advisable not to use the real names of those you will be talking about.

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154 Comments on “The Forgiveness Letter” - Post your own?

C says

Dear Liv,
We were in love and dated for 3 troubled years. I had not been a hundred percent faithful to you nor have I ever believed our relationship would thrive. Also, I failed on accepting you as you are.
I wish we had not hurt each other so badly and I forgive you for all your shortcomings and for lying to manipulate me.
I wish you can move on as I did and that you try to forgive me as I have been trying to forgive you all these years.
I am grateful for all the good moments we had together and for your supporting me whenever I needed.
May God bring you peace and love.
C

morgan says

carlene,

i call you by name because you haven't been a mother for quite some time now. i don't have very many memories that are good ones. i find out you cheated on dad because you had the nerve to call your boyfriend and invite him to what was supposed to be mine and your time together. i forgive you for that. the times you came home after doing drugs and beat me for no reason...i forgive you. when you basically walked out on me and my brothers and left it up to me to take care of them while you were out doing drugs and with only God knows who...i forgive you. the christmas of 2007 when i went to dad's for part of christmas break and you told him he could have me because you didnt want me because I put YOUR life through hell..i forgive you. i forgive you though you haven't been a great mom. a few months ago i asked if you could help me out with going to college and you said you would...i actually thought you may have come around a little bit. i was wrong. instead, all you was worried about was getting the money for yourself. you even threatened to have me put in jail and picked up while i was at work for something i didn't do and would never even think about doing...but i forgive you. i'll be 19 in two months...right now your sitting in jail for only a portion of the things you've done. i hope that someday you'll wake up and realize how much you've hurt me and my brothers. i hope that someday you become the mother you should be. as long as you stay on drugs though, i know it won't happen...but i still forgive you. i hope that someday we can have that mother daughter relationship and you actually want to be part of my life. no matter how much you mess up...im still your daughter and your still my mother. i still love you no matter what. i just wish it was the same for you.

Briz says

Dear mother,

I've debated for much of my life what I was going to do about the hurt that I and my siblings have experienced growing up and what to do about it as a young man. Here I present a letter. I don't know that you will ever receive this letter but I have to write to to retain my own sanity.

I am so hurt. So very hurt. My heart goes out to you and I cannot even tell you that I love you? We cannot connect.

I remember when I came home at 6 years old to a vivid scene of an ambulance after-school. You had attempted to take your own life and left a suicide note to try and call or help. The note said something about the man that had just come into your life. This man continued to live with you and negatively affect your children for the remainder of their childhood. He is still around and he's leeching off of you as I write this.

I remember never having enough. Never being told that I was loved. Constantly battling in my own mind. I knew my father was dead and yet nobody ever talked about it? Not a single conversation about what that meant for myself or Krystal or Kalia or even Ryan. All you did was throw your kid under the bus time and time again. I remember coming home to an empty house for much of my early childhood. What were you doing that was so important?

What about Christmas. Jeff's kids were getting more presents and I was told to clam it up if I ran my mouth about it. This was assuming we got any presents at all because we had numerous times that you didn't deliver any type of christmas. Imagine that, No tree! No presents! No unity!
What about the hidden conflict between Jeff and myself? This man had replaced my dead father. And there he sat. Telling lie after lie. He worked what.... 9 months in 20 years? Ate all of the food at 350 lbs and smoked crack with impunity. You always supported that. Remember the conversations I tried to have with you about him. I've always been treated like an abused child. This continued on into my adulthood and you don't care.

Remember when I was the only person in the house with a job. There I was at 11 years old and 60 lbs. I was waking at 5 am to work a paper route to earn my keep and some independence. You routinely stole the money to go gambling with Jeff and left me I.O.U's that were never repayed. Do you know how that made me feel? You never once said you were proud of me. I had a fucking job and you didn't! What about dads life insurance that you pissed away in less than a year. $40,000 that was supposed to go to raising your kids and starting a new life. Where did that go? Remember that thing I did when we were losing the house? Did you not realize that I needed help and so did Ryan? I was convinced you were crazy. All the while you protect yourself and your petty decisions. We had nothing and you did nothing. You were a walking corpse.

Remember when we lost the house and went to live with my friend? You guilt tripped me into coming back and staying with you. Things were worse than ever then. he did what he wanted and you supported it. Ryan was dying then too. Kalia was already gone and Krystal had married out. Your imcompetence affected many lives. Well I came back out of guilt. And remember what happened. Remember when my depression started. Not one word from you or anybody else. " Oh look at this one, he's just a child... Nothing can be done for him" Is this what you were thinking? Remember how I used to be an avid runner. In fact I was the most dedicated athlete I knew and you came to two meets in 5 years, never cheered, and never once said you were proud of me or expressed any interest in what I was doing? Didn't you know that I have talent? Well guess what that had a big affect on me. I can barely run to this day. You know that I had the ability to run in college. Well I quit. Another thing you didn't notice.

I got really sick my senior year and you did nothing. I slept under a bridge one night and I was treated like some dog coming home or something minus the love and care. Seriously. Never once did you talk about anything that mattered. You were in your own world. Here I am many years later and I cannot function. I've had years of unemployment, addiction, depression, and truly believed that I would die of suicide. Never once had you tried to do anything. You will go on. This I am sure of. You will continue to think that I am unfit for life when I am an extension of you. You will continue to live the lie. Remember you had the stones to leave. Only one of the 4. I am also the sickest.

Remember when I was suicidal and depressed. It took me two years to get up the courage to ask for help. Grandma grunted and you pretended to care. Nobody cared. The fact that I had needs was always a burden. Oh yeah.... I had to go to a doctor out of town and you decided to bring along my step dad and crack addict because he could drive.... This is the man that shit all over my life and my fathers.... You saw nothing wrong with that. The fact is that you will never give me any creedence. You will never acknowledge any wrong. I am a smart person and I vividly remember and I've been piecing it over the years.

I have to forgive you to salvage my own sanity. I have to forgive you for all future wrong-doing. I don't see this working out smoothly. I love you and I care alot about you. I want to see you get your life together and maybe we can reconcile one day. Anything is possible. I also have alot of work to do on myself and This can be my square 1. Thank you and please for the love of god do something. Until we meet again.
-Bret

jenna says

My letter of forgivness

i jenna need to fogive myself before i can forgive the others i need to forgive, i need to forgive myself for not bieng a good house wife, i jenna forgive myself for bieng a spoiled brat. i forgive myself for saying harsh things to get under your skin. and i forgive my self for emotionaly connecting with others.

im taken the strength that i have to forgive myself. and im taken the strength within my heart to forgive you as well, as the mother of our children and ur spouse i forgive u for the lies u have told me, the connection you made, i forgive u for the anger u have showed and i forgive u for ignoring my needs in the past years.

with forgivness i see a family who is going to have more good times. then the bad times

Karen says

Dear Dad,

We just found out that your cancer spread and because of your age and health, treatment is not advisable.

As Christians, we are all blessed to know you now have a personal relationship with the Lord and have accepted Jesus as your savior and that one day, we will all see you again.

We do know that when we do, you will not be the Father we remembered. You will be the man God created you to be, the Father we should have known.

We take comfort in that Dad, for we will finally get to hug you and not feel that strange feeling anymore.

We are writing you this letter because it will be important to know that before you died, we shared our feelings with you, and maybe it will offer you some sort of peace as you live out the rest of your time here in earth.

Dad.. We forgive you for the unspeakable actions you inflicted on us girls. We really do Dad forgive you. Your actions of sexual abuse caused us girls to suffer in great depths, beyond what words can convey here in this letter to you.

Because of your abuse, we lost a Father who we could have ran to and felt secure in his arms. To feel that pure love a father has for his daughters. We lost our innocence and gained guilt, shame, rejection, ugliness, self worth, anger and bitterness. These feelings we’ve gained, have followed us all throughout our lives. They affected who we could have become and robbed us of what we could have enjoyed.

Your Daughters have waited for years for you to make it right, and I am not sure you really can do that, but at least to recognize the damage you caused, to admit and validate our feelings and to seek our forgiveness would have maybe help in our healing process.

We are not holding out hope that this day will come, not here on earth anyway, but one day it will. Your Daughters will all stand before you in Heaven. We all will be different. The wounds will all be gone, the pain and fear, the guilt, the shame, all gone. And we, your Daughters stand before you, as the Daughters God blessed you with, looking at the Father we should have had. We all will stand there face to face and for the first time hold one another in the purest way, the way a Father is meant to hold his baby girls.

I know this letter will bring you pain, but at the same time, I pray it will comfort you, knowing we have forgiven you..

Our prayer is that before you go home to be with the Lord, you can make it right with us…

We love you Dad, and we forgive you..

Your Daughters, Kathleen, Donna, Karen and Sandra

amy says

When we first found out we were having a child you must have been almost as shocked as me. You already had two kids and may not have even been planning to have more then WHAM we get a big shock. I never once took that into consideration. I also never took into consideration that I was a spoiled rotten little bitch when we first got together so I know at times I probably made you angry. For those times I completely understand your anger and frustration, after all I was just a child playing “House.”
I remember the time that you were joking with me in the car and I reached over and slapped your arm in a playful manner, I also remember your response. There was that time that we took the kids to K-Mart and it was late so I decided to feed them while we were there. Quite vividly do I recall the ass kicking I got that night simply because I chose to feed the kids there and not else where. Evil, there is no other way to put it, pure evil but I forgive you for that.
The door completely ripped off the frame, the frame in pieces and there you are calling me a stupid, worthless, little bitch because you kicked the door in. Our kids right there, I was protecting them from a completely high on cocaine dad but I was the stupid one. A memory that our son reminded me of just the other day. I forgive you Mike, I really forgive you for this.
The times you refused to help me with our children. I begged you for help and you kick me to the ground at 7 ½ months pregnant, you almost took both our lives that day. All the times you held a knife to my throat. All the times I walked into the house for you to scream and yell at me, that I was a slut, worthless, a bitch and the list goes on and on. At times it was so bad and I felt so worthless that I actually wanted to die. So many times I had that pistol in my hands and wanted to pull the trigger because my heart was broken, my head was broken and you were now going after my will. I forgive you, I forgive you for all of it.
For my infidelity, for my thinking that it was ok to act out towards you, for allowing the children to see and watch as you tore me down piece by piece, I forgive me. For not calling for help because I thought it would be better without you, I forgive me. I am letting the anger, hate, and hurt feelings go and along with it I am letting you go and have peace know that I forgive you.
For a long time I have had such a hatred in my heart for you. I know that somewhere inside you did indeed love me and adored our children. I know it killed you when our son was taken and the doctor believed his premature birth played a part in it, I know from experience that the guilt must have taken your soul right out of you. Our beautiful 4 year old son gone in an instant.Your suffering both mentally and physically must have made you a very angry and hurt person. How difficult that must have been for you to live with. I am so sorry for the pain you must have suffered no one deserves that, not even you.
I do remember the good times as well. Like the way you would tell me you loved me, the way your eyes smiled at me. I remember going to LSU football games or baseball games, watching our children with sports, I remember all of it and yes, I am beyond thankful. The time you got me a huge cookie cake decorated with fish and whales for my birthday. Yes there were some really good times in there too. The bottom line is this, yes you hurt me actually you beyond hurt me but you also gave me so much. Remember I used to tell you, “Well at least we make some really cute kids!” Everything that we have done to eachother but I can still tell you that I love you, I will always love you and I know you love me.
You were my husband, the father of my children and after all of this I hope we can both agree that it is time for the hate to end. The hate stops now. I will cherish the good times and know that we all make mistakes when I think of the bad because lets face it, we all make mistakes and we all deserve forgiveness.
I love you and more importantly I FORGIVE YOU!

amy says

Not much makes me cry anymore but this did. My husband of 13 years passed away about 18 months ago and I am trying but I just can't let it go. He took my son, my beautiful son did not get to grow up because his daddy did not like my turning off a video game. I was 7 months pregnant and the beatings just got to the point I thought it was normal. I took it so the kids did not have to. I have been trying to forgive but hatred is all I feel. I am going to try this over and over if I have to, until I get it right.

cindy says

My Dear Sister Stephanie,
I must apolgize for the hurt that I caused you. I take blame for my words and actions, things were said and done out of rejection and hurt .Hopefully one day we can move past this all. But I must stop punishing myself, as Im not living life as I should . I made a mistake some bad decisons, none of which I can take back. It was not our fault for the situation of us not growing up together, but from the moment I met you , I saw me.I dont expect you to forgive me, but I MUST forgive myself. I have learned from the mistakes, and realize it may to late, but when you say a line has been crossed in the sand, I say lines in the sand were meant to be washed away,I hope one day soon the water washes the line away.Because no matter what your my sister , who I love and miss. I Love you forever no matter what <3

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Lia says

Ant,

I keep trying to convince myself that I am fine, and that I've moved on and healed from the emotional scars of our relationship. But the truth is I haven't, and I really hadn't forgiven you like I thought I did. Everything started out fine until you became a jealous obsessive wreck. You began asking intrusive questions about past partners, and then when you didn't believe my answers, you began having your friends spy on me. You called me names like idiot, "town bike", and even questioned my sincerity when I said you were my first. You accused me of lacking passion when I didn't get intimate with you when really it was just the fact that I felt like an emotional wreck and disconnected. The thought of intimacy with you disgusted me and to this day, I still struggle with those memories of doing it just because I thought if I showed you how I felt physically, then you wouldn't question my sincerity. I felt defiled and disgusted with myself and am working towards rebuilding that part of me back to health.

Your cursed at me, damaged my property, and you were emotionally, psychologically, and verbally abusive. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells with you. That any moment, I had to watch what guy I talked to because you would misconstrue it. You said it was because you loved me so much, but now, I realize it was insecurity. I blamed myself for it, feeling like if I had just been honest or open, that it wouldn't have been this way. But now I realize, it wasn't me, and no one deserves to be treated this way regardless of what they do.

As hard as it is for me to do, three years after the fact, I forgive you.

I forgive you for the name calling, the property damage, the emotional, psychological and verbal abuse, the manipulation, the aggravation and the pain that you caused. I understand that some of it stemmed from your own childhood abuse. You didn't deserve that abuse, and I didn't deserve your abuse.

And as I forgive you, I must also forgive myself for being so hard on myself all of these years. The dynamics of relationships and abuse are complex, but for so long, I was so hard on myself for staying through such a bad time in my life. I realize I did it because I cared and felt that I could somehow try to save you. However, I realize that in my attempts to "save you", I lost myself.

Sometimes, I still cringe at the thoughts of our situation, but I feel blessed to be where I am now, and hope that you are in a good place as well. Only time and prayer will completely heal me, but I feel this is a good start to lifting this burden off of my chest and healing. I wish you the best.

Lia

Katherine says

I can't tell you how amazing I feel. For three years I have been trying to let go and forgive my ex husband for abandoning me and our child, I have begged God, I have cried, but I was never able to fully let go. I just sent my letter and I feel like I'm so light I could fly. I really meant every word,and I had no idea that I could do that. Thank you.

TRN says

Dear Pain, this note is for you, as when I read your posting, I was convicted to respond specifically to YOU. I hope you see this posting and that it helps you (and any other folks experiencing similar situation).

Like you, I went through battles of hurt, pain and anger with similar abuse. I went through the after affects since then and experienced the same as you in the inability to express forgiveness. I am here to tell you, you can do it. Go in a room, close the door, and lay on the floor. Give it all to God. Tell Him He knows how you felt and still feel because of these things that happened, because He was there with you. GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. SURRENDER it ALL to HIM. RELEASE it to HIM. Say, Lord, I give all of this hurt and pain to You. Help me forgive this person (persons) and help me encourage their forgiveness so that they see His love too. Allow God to work in you to heal your pain. Allow Him to replace that pain with his unconditional, everlasting LOVE. Then you will be able to write your forgiveness letter(s).

DO NOT be sorry for being born. You were not responsible for what happened to you – but you are responsible to lean on, trust and rely on God and Christ. He is waiting for you to come to Him so he can heal you and help you!!

God Bless You, sweetheart! I hope and pray this helps you and that you find comfort and strength and healing in Jesus.

Joyce says

I think I like the Sojourn one best. I'm not too into abstract, but that kind of LOOKS like Palin, the colors bring her out. She may mean well, but that's about all I can say nice about her so I won't say any more.

Aside from meditation, I am a massage therapist and I like getting massage but I like giving it almost as much. In order to give a good massage the therapist must be relaxed themselves or the client will feel it. So, being relaxed and in flow is an essential, which is why I love it so much.

I also relax when playing with my dog in the backyard. No worries that you may look like a silly idiot--the dog could care less!

I try to stay as relaxed as possible throughout the day. Practicing being in the now and self hypnosis work well.

I honor you, Burt. Blessings.

David says

Burt

I have written 3 letters to my parents one to my mother who has passed away and one to my father. I shared the letter of my mother with my spirital teacher and she suggested that i make a little shrine with a a bunch of flowers and a caddle. I did this for about a week with the window open, then went to her grave and repeated it, in the end i burnt the letter. I then drove off to my brothers place for a holiday with much pain that had releaved me.

The second was to my father, i left it with him, a week later he turns up at my place for 20 minutes we speak about the letter for 10 minutes and he applogies for what he did not know was having an effect on me when i was a teenager and life (i am now 42 yrs old). I now see my father in a different light and myself.

I have written a 3rd letter now relating to a relationship i had 20 yrs ago the person will never see it and i will burn this one as well in a few days.

I have come back to this site as i am going to write a letter to myself for forgivness. I have been told this will do tremendous things to my soul, so if it can do 1/2 of what has already happen I will be further to finding more happeness and serinity. Also I appreciate the internet, as it is here i learn more from what my spirital teacher suggests.

God Bless, and thank you

david

Forex Marketiva says

This is an interesting article. Thanks for sharing.

Pain says

As a Christian I would like to forgive and I want to write the letter but I find that all the trying and crying just grips my throat and head with more pain and my body warns me, this man was horrible and evil. I just can't forgive him. What is that I am responsible for exactly? The sexual abuse or the beatings? Should I say I'm so sorry that I was born? I know you didn't want kids you just married my mom to get you citizenship.

Gilbert Oliver says

I have read most of the forgivness letters and they are very moving (feelings wise) This is a wonderfull idea, the first letter in my opinion was the best of all. Personally I have to write one myself to a love one. Would not be able to post it, as is very personal. But will let you know of the results. Thank you for your help.

Pamela Murawski says

Mom,

I accept full responsiblity for our relationship. I do not blame you anymore.

I forgive you for not loving me in the past, critisizing me, ignoring me, shoving me away, treating me like a child when I was an adult, always saying you are changing I think finally, pinching me, hitting me, abusing me, listening to others and talking to others when spending time with me, not caring what I have to say, favoring others in the family, talking behind my back, calling my oldest daughter to find out how I am and not calling me, back stabbing me, gossiping about me, slandering me, taking me to doctors when I was not sick, making me afraid of my dad, yelling at me, threatening me, saying you would put me away in a crazy bin, plotting against me, trying to take my energy, trying to take my place and hating me, and for never being the mom I needed to love me.

I forgive you for all of it.

Love,

Pamela

Allen Lowe says

I can\'t wait til he goes on tour again!!!! Im definitely in there!!! I hope they takin a break. They need time away from each other.

Cervical Cancer Symptoms says

Thanks for responding and Happy Valentines, also.%d%aNo, I have not seen a doc about the gallbladder issue. Having a secondary bacterial infection was a concern. But, since I am self-emloyed and have no health insurance, having that investigated has been put off. Since my symptoms were not incapacitating, my approach has been to attack any potential infection with natural remedies and have seen improvement. I suppose the possibility of lymphoma just scares me more. But in my research, I haven't been able to track down symptoms specifically for cancer invading lymph nodes from the cervix.

Sue says

Linda,
I can relate to your situation with your mother my mother was also narcissistic and she would malipulate by using guilt. It took me awhile but I stood up to her and told her that she was not going to make me feel guilty because I had no reason to. She has passed on and it may be awlful to say but I don't miss her. She was never one to offer support or a person I could talk to because she always brought the subject back to her. She was never wrong and if you challenged her she would blow up big time. It's not easy living with a know it all.
My son is the same way, I must have really done something bad in a past life to have to live with two narcissistic people. I'm not so sure about my husband but he alway feels he is right about everything too, but he doesn't act as bad as my mother did or my son. But my son and husband have really gone at it a few times neither one willing to concede to the other.
By the way they act I am the dumbest person that ever lived. But I know better, it doesn't do any good to try to discuss anything with them because it's impossible to have a rational conversation.
Besides that I am going to do the letter because I don't believe in holding in anger towards anyone, after all I am the only one being hurt by it.

Sue

Julie says

This is a letter of forgiveness to my Step Dad and myself.
Dear Dad I am struggling so hard to be able to forgive you fully for all the things you said and did to me since I was a child. I just dont seem to be able to get rid of the memories from the age of 2 and now I am 50!!!
that is a long time to hold on to so much hurtful stuff, but I realise now that the only one it is hurting is me!! all those years of vervbal and sexual abuse from the age of 2yrs to 21yrs then you died thats 19 years of being terrorised and it doesnt go away that easy.I so badly need to erase all those years and this year I am going to move on, I need to for me.I just want you to know that I dont hate you I never have done I hope you are reading this from the other side of the world you are in now. I often think that if you were alive now you would be locked up for many years for what you did to me and our family. I used to feel so guilty But I have nothing to be guilty about I was only a child YOU were the ADULT.The only thing that kept me sane for years was is the thought that you must have been sick to abuse me like that I was only a baby when you started and I was so afraid of you.For years I could never understand why Mam never did anthing about it,But now I realise that she just wasnt strong enough to stand up to you she was terrified of you too and just hadnt the guts to kick you out of our lives, Mam was a good woman and I love her so much, and now she has passed on too and I miss her so much, before she went she was terrified of meeting you on the otherside I'm just sorry I didnt know what I know now, I could have put her mind at rest.But I know she is happy now.And I have made a promise to myself that I will never ever have fear in my life like that again. But you know what DAD!! "I FORGIVE YOU" I also forgive Mam for not being stronger, and most of all I forgive myself for letting you put us through that back then. I am a stronger person now and I am able to stand up for myself But its taken me 50 years to be stronger Thats a hell of a long time.I fogive you and I truly hope you can forgive yourself and I wish you the very best.Its time for me to move on and get on with my life and live it as I want to live it myself.So I am letting the past go,and I am going to live in the now. And just because I forgive you It doesn't mean what you did was ok because it wasnt!!!! because it affected me for 48years and I am not going to let it affect me anymore.I also Forgive myself for feeling guilty when there was no need for me to be guilty.I forgive my uncle Mickie and Dickie for abusing me when I was very small.Dickie I was only 3yrs old when you molested me But I forgive you. Mickie I was only 10yrs old when you molested me and I forgive you too I also forgive myself for letting you do this to me. And Mr Doran my school teacher I forgive you for having your hands all over me.I forgive myself If I ever hurt anyone in my life It would not be intentional.and I realise now that so many people have been through so much more than me but all these things have made us grow stronger and made us better and loving people. I also forgive myself for beating myself up over all this for all these years and for not loving the person I am, and for thinking that I was not good enough. I am finally learning to love who I am and learning to change the bits I dont like about myself so that I can be a better person and give the love I feel inside me to others freely.Everybody needs to be loved and I am no different I am very much loved and I deserve to be loved the same as everyone else. When I started to write this letter it was the first time I ever started to feel angry, But maybe I needed that to release, Then as I got further and further the anger was completly gone and I feel at peace with myself for the first time ever I finally think I have achieved letting go of the past so now I can move on.

Burt thank you so much!!! I have many of your programmes but havnt listened to them much yet, I have been searching for something to help me to release the past and now I have found it!! I feel so happy. I did listen to the liberty programme and I will keep listening to it over and over to make sure I have finally moved on.

Love to you Burt xx
and Thank you I am so grateful to you
and to all these fantastic people on your blog for helping me realise there are people out there that have been through tough times too.
Love to you all Julie.xx

Carla says

Dear Yves,

I know you think I hate you, but that is far from the truth. The truth is that I can no longer live with your lies, deceit and abuse. I truly wanted our marriage to work. I truly gave it my all, but you are simply not capable of a relationship. Not with me, not with anyone. I know that I am not perfect and I know that on occasion I must have frustrated you, but you were angry an awful lot, more than I deserved. I was so desperate for you to love me, and I tried really hard. I kept thinking that if I could fix things, I just had to be more perfect and figure out how to please you, but it never worked, you were so angry, so full of hatred and I was always walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set you off. I realize now that happiness comes from within and that it’s not something that I can ever give to another if they don’t first carry love and peace in their heart. I realized that I don’t have enough for both of us, that it takes the work of two to make a relationship work and that you never ever valued our relationship enough to work on it. I didn’t abandon you, it was you who left me years ago, I have simply come to a point in my life where I have accepted it and am ready to move on.

Yves, I forgive you for all the times that you lied to me. I forgive you for all the affairs you had. I forgive you for the harassment I endured from your girlfriends, for all the times they called and then hung up when I answered, many times after midnight. I forgive you for years of verbal abuse. You will probably never know how hard that was on me. You will never know how you damaged my self esteem and made me unproductive. I am only just starting to heal now. I forgive you for all the times you called me useless and stupid. I forgive you for the times you said my breasts weren't big enough, that I didn't kiss like one of your lovers, that I was too fat, too skinny, didn't make enough money. I forgive you for the physical abuse. I forgive you for threatening to kill me. I forgive you for banging my head against concrete. I forgive you for pulling my hair so hard that I had a headache for a week. I forgive you for pulling an entire closet and shelving down on top of me. I forgive you for breaking down my door. I forgive you for the trauma you inflicted on me and the damage that it’s done to my health. I forgive you for the fact that I am now suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome because of your abuse. I am sorry that I had to call the police. I feel horrible that I had to get a no contact order in place to feel safe, and I am sorry for the stress that action has caused you. However, I hope that you understand that I needed to take action to feel safe again, that it is not right that the person who vowed to love me most is the person whom I fear the most. I am sorry for the times that I wronged you. I am sorry for feeling anger at you. At the same time, you were making me become a person that I didn't like or respect. You treated me with disrespect and because your behavior was so deplorable, I could no longer respect you either. You did all these acts without my permission, encouragement or consent. Those things were not my fault and even though it is difficult, I will get through it. I am a good person who is worthy of being treated well and deserving of love. To become the person I once was, full of joy and happiness, I had to cut such negativity out of my life. You were that negativity. I am sorry if cutting you out of my life has hurt you. I hope that one day you will understand that to save my own life that I had to walk away from you. I wish you the best in life. I hope that you can learn something from your experiences and someday move on to have a fulfilling life. I wish you peace and hope that someday you can find happiness without inflicting pain on others. Truly, I wish you well. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me. Farewell.

Carla

Caroline says

Hi Burt,

Thank you for this suggestion. I put this off for so long, and only just looked up this page again to give it a go.

Writing it helped, taking a weight off of my chest.

I will e-mail it to myself to remind me, so I can read it again if I start feeling negative about the person again.

Thank you once more.

Kenny says

high Burt,happy thanks giving christmas and almost-new-year thank you for one,all of the meditation u have givin us(especially the free ones!) it is true that such a small thing can cause a big impact

if u remove the smallest card on the bottom of the tower of cards the tower stil falls.

i have a question that one i hope u will find and read and 2 answer

well, i have been having trouble making vivid images in my mind,i can make a picture,a good one but i have to focus on nothing but that picture,and its hard for me to sustain it,i can create very reaistic pictures but it takes a while and somtimes it goes away....can u help?

ironically i finally decided to ask u after the meditation where u ask questions to your different personallitys, and well i did, i was told to not think of it as many different sections,but one picture,focus on one thing and just add stuff to it.but it is difficult for me,maybe i need practice.

and is it supposed to fell like a conversation with them because it feel s to me like me just thinking it up in the back of my head.

by the way an example of my picture problems is when i was creating the table and me sitting with the other five mees there one,i couldnt get them all detailed,two i was having trouble getting a picture of my face..it would keep on looking like my cousins or a freind of mines.

thanks for all of the help,hope u continue to get better and better

also sorry for asking a question on this little area,i dont know where im supposed to ask questions except here

once again thanks

Daisy Lee says

Hi Bert, my past is very full of very deep abuse issues. I have forgiven most of them. I agree a small letter will help lift the rest of the issues of forgiveness of others. However, fortunately or unfortunately, I was born with a heart that knew how to love unconditionally and to forgive. What I didn't know was how to set boundaries to stop the abuse. Your story did trigger me to recall one person that I have not forgiven fully. That would be me. Me - for allowing. Me - for learning how to have the strength to keep standing back up and forgiving again and again. I have forgiven them. I am still angry, very angry with me. So I guess I'll apply your advice to that. Thanks Bert. from Daisy and the Angels.

Audrey says

Thank you Burt for your blog & guidance!

Dear Dad,
Being a young father with 3 kids was challenging and stressful. Although Mom worked too, you felt pressure to provide all that you could financially to ensure a good life for us. It is a lot of responsibility & sacrifice to be a parent. In return you expected obedience & respect. The stress you felt was not only financial, but also your relationship with Mom. You both thought that you should stay together & having kids would strengthen your relationship. Instead it tested your relationship & the two of you constantly.
Your frustration & anger were scary. Use of violence to discipline children is something you experienced growing up. You did not know there were non-violent, more nurturing, positive ways to discipline us. You did not learn how to express/communicate your frustration, disappointment, anger, fear, loneliness or confusion. You had no one to confide in & nobody to give you guidance. I’m sorry that you went through those challenging times. I forgive you for the way you treated me. You did your best.
I can understand the reasons why you treated me the way you did as your first born. You thought that by being strict about rules, proper behavior, & high expectations in school would guide me to be more successful than you were. I forgive you for not knowing how to show me love or affection. You grew up in a non-affectionate household. Your parents were of another culture. The only time your parents touched you was when you were sick or needed a spanking. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands was only done in infancy & then no more. I understand that despite not having been hugged, cuddled, or my hand held that I was loved.
I feel no hatred towards you for anything that happened to me, I feel compassion & deep sadness for what you experienced.
I bear no ill will for everything you did. You treated me like a boy, like there was no difference between me & boys. That helped me in my education, athletics, & professional life. You didn’t know how to deal with girls. You just did your best. Sex was never mentioned in our home, it was taboo & yet you always had playboy & penthouse magazines. This showed me that there was a difference between men, women, & sexy-beautiful women. You weren’t able to show me that you & Mom had a loving, respectful, & sexual relationship because you did not have one. I interpreted sex to be love. You didn’t love Mom like you loved these women. You were unhappy with your marriage & with several things in your life which lead to your negative thoughts, words, & actions. I forgive you for that.
I see that you & Mom did not have a good marriage or relationship together, but it does not mean that I have to follow in your footsteps. You thought by making me focus on top grades, getting into a good college, & having a good career would prepare me for adult life & indirectly protect me from having an unhealthy relationship with a man. You may have subconsciously thought that if my baby girl is independent, she will not need a man to take care of her & she will be safe from this discontentment & unhappiness. I know you had the best intensions in mind. I forgive you & I love you so much.
I know that you loved us. Despite everything you did, you’d take us on wonderful trips camping, to foreign countries, buy us what we wanted, & give us presents & money for holidays & birthdays. You gave us good advice.
Nobody is perfect. I hope that you have found peace within & have forgiven yourself. We are living in the present & doing our best with our precious lives. I love you Dad.
Yours Truly,
Audrey

Susan d'Ambrumenil says

To Susan, and all my inner selves:

Please forgive me for all the times I didn't listen to you and took what you said for granted.
Please forgive me for not sharing your pain when Natalie crossed over. I was very much in my own pain.
Please forgive me for not being there when you were afraid. I felt I had to cope on my own, forgetting that you needed to know that I was there for you.
Please forgive me for all the times you needed a hug and to be told that I love you, especially when we didn't get it from Mum and Dad. I give you a hug now and I do love you.
Please forgive me for not remembering to tell you what great jobs you did at school or at work. You were great. You went the distance and succeeded every time, despite what "Others" said about you or when "they" tried to put you down. You are GREAT!
Please forgive me for taking "life" so seriously and forgetting to laugh with you at myself.
You are strong; you are patient; you are compassionate; you are great; you are TRUTH; and above all you are LOVED.
Please forgive me for telling you that more often. I love you Susan, I love you. Thank you for always being there for me, as I will be there for you.

Angela says

Here is a quote...

Life is an adventure in forgiveness ~ Norman Cousins

Angela says

Burt,
Thanks so much for this gift!!! I have written forgiveness letters in the past, although they were not as powerful as this technique.
I have started to write a letter twice to the same person using this technique, and I am so surprised to discovered how much I play in the responsibility of the situation. WOW! This is an amazing tool. I am thankful that you shared it with us on your blog.
Many blessing to you,
Angela

Viki says

Dear Parents, being a parents is not an easy task but i know you have a great responsibility to give your children a better education or learning to write or read so that your children would be an illetrate. We are 9 siblings in the family but i am the only one who finished a simple course in college. I have 3 bothers who are illerate doesnt know how to read and write... that i blame to my mother because as a mother she must be the first teacher to teach her children. I know you get married at your very young age. So i forgive you mother. I love you mom for bringing me life in this world. And to my father who passed away 35 years ago Yes I forgive you too. And I do pray that you are now happy in God's Kingdom.

To my brother who is been wise... i know you are very angry with me because among in the family you never thought that i could able to talk to you straight forward the things you've done to the family. Yes you and your wife been so unfair to my borthers and sisters...you treat yourself as if you are GOD. Please learn to vow down and ask forgiveness too. You are still my brother bestfriend and i want to forgive you and wish you good health and someday i am praying to have a family reunion.

To my friend you why I hated you so much you took advantage on me... your love for me is forbidden you obsess of something that is yackkkkkkks you know that anyway. And the last time you sent me an sms you know that i can not forgive you because of the bad things you have done to me. But i want to forgive you i want to face life with a smile and I wish you the same.

To those who have accounts on me please pay debts i was already financially broke. I hate lies and great pretender... don't use your kids as your allibies not to pay your debts dont use anyone be honest. Life is too short and we live only once in these world. I want to forgive you all. Money is just a money it can be earned but integrity is not... respect and trust are more than Diamond that shines forever.

To the man I have loved. You ignored me many times. You don't treat me special. I dont feel the love in you, you are so opposite to everything i wanted to a man. You are not sweet but you wanted me to be... I hate you but i want to forgive you. I know i am not perfect i have so many shortcommings in life. I want to forgive myself for everything the things i have failed to do and for not being good to everyone. I want to share the goodness in this world. I want to have a forgiving and a loving heart. GOD BLESS US ALL!

SandyB says

Hi Burt,

I wrote a very short forgiveness letter (not sent, just written) to my adult step daughter to whom I have not spoken in 2 years. That was on the day you sent out the first email on the subject, Nov. 13. Yesterday, Nov. 19, I received via email an apology from her. Does this forgiveness stuff work or what?

I have to admit, I wrote the letter only to clear my blockages. I was not expecting nor hoping nor (dare I admit) wanting to hear from her; I just wanted to get past my own issues. Oy vey, be careful with this - before you know it, you'll need the next level. I was SO not ready to hear from her. Looks like I need to write another letter.

Apparently, forgiveness is contagious...

Hazel says

Hello Burt,

I was totally touch for the insights about forgiveness that you've shared for us. Though I admit it might not be the first and the second forgiveness letter that I made but still it touches my heart and I have no doubt about the effects of it specially on me and to the person concerned. Making me aware that it could do wonders to those involved most particularly when I know that the person concerned had torn me apart. I'd started writing the letter shortly after I'd read your insights in your blog but didn't quite finish it right then until the next two days for the raw pain in me starts to come out again that I have to calm and ease myself once more. Just couldn't imagine how the person that I've loved so much ha'd torn my heart apart and still so stubborn. But you're right "Forgiveness" is the key and somehow the best way to achieve liberation for all the pain and resentment that I am holding. I hope my message for him touches his heart also and that in the name of love everything will work out for the best.

With sincere gratitude,

Hazel
Toronto

Pam Furno says

Does anyone know how they would deal with this? My son and I watched our husband/father have surgery due to pain when he was placed on Percocet and was having trouble breathing (asthma) and received four courses of a steroid and spent $170,000 on equipment for his business and then went for surgery. He had the first surgery which failed due to the high courses of steroids and his bones literally dissolved according to the surgeon and he redid the surgery. He was placed on a ventilator and transferred 1 1/2 hours away from home and we visited him for seven months when he was finally
able to come home. His eight brothers and sisters never came to visit him in the Rehab and he felt abandoned.
On July 30, 2008 he gave up the fight at home and my
son and I struggle just to survive every day. At the
funeral his family came and I gave the eulogy
specifically speaking about the necessity of forgiveness
because I could not possibly begin to feel there guilt (?) and emotions. Well, it has been four months now and we (my son and I) have not heard a word from anyone. This has been very difficult because I am left to look into my son's eyes and see his sorrow and frustration.
Of course, everything is mirrored; he sees my frustration and I see his; a vicious cycle. Well, I know that we have to let this go because we ultimately do not control the intentions of others. There is no good ending here as much as we would like one but I do
believe in forgiveness; if we don't have forgiveness what do we have? Thank you again for allowing me air my
thoughts. God Bless. Pam

james says

Hi Dad I know it is a long time since we spoke or saw each other but I have decided to write this letter of forgiveness to you and also to me, my sisters and brothers.
I forive you for all the times you were not there in my life as we were growing up. I understand from the bottom of my heart that that was the only way you knew. I forgive you for the beatings that you gave Mum and even though she is not with us now I feel that she is suporting me and encouraging me to write this letter. I knw she is watching over us as we face the rest of our lives.
I am gratefull for Mum for having the courage to leave you behind and set us on a different path, even today her words are still reverbrating in my head that you are my father and so we should get to know you as a person even though you did threten to kill her if she ased for child support.
I forgive myself for acting like you and drinking most of my money as I got it, must be a genetic link that we share as it was and still is drink that keeps you from us.
I have so much more to forgive and it will take me a few letters to forive and put them down in writing sending all the bad feelings I have had away.
For now this is the start of my journy into forgiveness I wish you the best where ever you are and I am gratefull that you are my dad as I would not be here now but for you. thank you and God bless you. bye for now james

sanjeev kaushal says

Dear Dad,

You must have had your hands full with me as a kid. Like, remember the time me and rajeev got stuck in an argument over the umbrella and left it in the park and you beat me up. Or the day I got in a fight with that bully in fourth grade and broke his nose? You had to beat me in front of his parents.I knew you’d be angry. And at times like those,
But you were angry pretty often. Even at times you shouldn’t have been. Like on those nights you forced us to eat what we disliked most.I had to swallow those beetroots with water.

I just want to say that I forgive you for that.

I also remember the times you refused to pay for our school trips. So I sat at home when my classmates went to places like the beach, the theater, the zoo. I’d see you going off to the parties with your collegues and you took rajeev along.You'd buy every body in the family what they wished for but for me you brought nothing.I was your enemey always like a foster son whom you sought every small mistake to punish.You hated me when you punished me because i would never cry and would never say sorry to you or say that the iron chain hurt.You hated me more when for days i would not talk or reply to what you said and ignore you completely as if you did not existed.You hated my guts even more when you abused mom and tried to hit her and i stopped your hands.I resented every word you spoke against me and mom and the abuses you loved to shower me with.You would listen to every lie that my enemies talked about and spread false rumours about me and insult me in front of them.You infact relished to help my enemies against me and put obstacles in my path because you were jealous of my talents and my qualities which i had from birth.I feel no hatred towards you, and I forgive you for that too.

In fact, I bear no ill will for everything you did. The times you laid your hands on us and mom.The times you told us we were worthless,it was a everyday occurance. The times you forgot my birthday infact you never remmebered it and never ever brought me any presents.

I forgive you.

I know that deep down you loved us. Despite everything you did, you’d still take us out for picnics sometimes. You gave us good advice. Told us to be true to ourselves. I even remember the kisses you gave us sometimes when you were in ahappy mood.
But nobody’s perfect. And I hope that after all we’ve been through, you’ve learned just as much as I have. I’m still here for you. Because no matter what’s been said and done, you’re still my dad.

Yours Truly,

Sanjeev kaushal

Mahendra K.Shah says

Respected Sri Burt Goldmanji
Thanks for the forgive & forget therapy published by u on the net & in Jainism religions it is the basic essence of life & e'1 r taught to do it daily 2 times daily called by PRATIKRAMAN & surely for the details once in a year on Paryushan Parva day.
It works in our present life & also for reaching MOKSHA by helping in future bhavas also
SO now as the chapter is opened let me ask for forgiving me as i hv n't yet bought any of yr devices & i think u might hv felt or hurt by it so pl forgive me & also for my inner thinking tht allof u ppl r just to earn the money r going on publishing some CDs or MP3 etc but now for tht thinking of mine also i would like u to forget us & from my side i too forget u all if my inner feelings r hurt some times due to this mails
MKS Guntur India

Kari seppänen says

i forgive my life beginner's...

mikael says

I forgive my self for being self centered scared when my family had new visitor for fear of them stealing my addiction being cared for by my mother. I forgive my self for worrying about what others think and trying to be normal my whole life. I forgive my self for trying to be good by not having everything born rich with. I forgive my self for being afraid to get into power in my life. I forgive my self of being bad to girl in 7thgrade strangling her breath and her forgiving me but i not. I forgive my self now and i choose to be good. I forgive my self for being scared lonely and making others feel terrible as kid. I forgive my self for being born wrong and having no place in the society. I forgive my self for not choosing all opportunities iam given. I forgive my self feeling guilt to liv in my manhattan dream apartment or rich dream life. I forgive my self for asking the universe for alot. I forgive my self for that i was born and dont live . i forgive my self for strangling my life. i forgive my self for strangling people around me with my low emotional depressive thoughts. i forgive my self for lying to my wholeness. i forgive my self for never really loving me. i forgive my self for not being able to be alone with my self. i forgive my self for fearing my self. i forgive self for not feeling good if iam not right. i forgive my self for not letting others be right about my life.

mikael says

my purpose is to awake renaissance earth harmony giving souls and build with them their dream companies, i forgive my self for waying and not exactly beng able to pinpoint my life pourpose, yes it is, it is here to awake renaissance soul and build with them and for them dream companies that flourish their missions to bring harmony on this planet, that is my gift, i forgive my self for not being hundred percent yet. i forgive my self for typing here many times more untill i awake and live all this in my harmony

mikael says

i forgive my self for now knowing my purpose and not have given my self it earlier in my ife to build companies awake souls for and with renaissance souls

mikael says

jag fölåter mig själv för att ha avundsjuka och inte känt mig tilltäckligligt i mitt liv. jag fölåter mig själv för jag nu inte har olycka för jag nu accepterar älskar mig själv för den jag och inte har tid med avundsjuka, jag förlåter mig för att jag ger mig själv den här gåvan, jag fölåter för jag slutar vara offer för dyslexi, för andras syn som hur jag borde vara som dyslketiker och jag förlåter själv för attjag hädanefter visar och accepterar mina svagheter inför alla som vill håna mig och älskar mig själv andå, tack

mikael says

och jag förlåter mig själv för att vara så här intelligent

mikael says

jag fölåter mig själv för allt hinder jag skapat för mig själv. Jag förlåter mig själv för att jag naturligt med min talang nu väljer mitt liv att hädan efter bästämma min förmögenhet harmoni och attrahera all förmögenhet jag i min talagn älskar fullända min själ med, jag attraherar och hanterar med min naturliga talang multimiljoner i månaden på att göra mitt livs älsklings mission
och jag förlåter mig själv för att vara så här begåvad

mikael says

i forgiving my self for not having given my self joy on a daily basis for all i attract and am and for not giving others the joy and blessing of their success. I forgive my self for believing that there is not enough for me. I forgive my self for believing that there is evidence and that is the truth that there is not enough for every one. I forgive my self for putting so many success down because of my self limiting believes. I forgive my self for not having given my self this self forgiveness earlier. And iam grateful for my self and every ones success and i wish every one that greatest success and i forgive my self for believing in this from now on into my real daily experience. Than You ALL BLESSINGS OF MY LIFE

mikael says

i forgive my self for feeling fear helping abused women or other areas than renaissance souls if that enters my life path. I forgive my self for blocking my life path. I forgive my self for now being free and choosing my destiny on what feels great in my heart, i forgive my self now feeling my soul with love on daily basis every day of my lie and taking the blame and shame for doing untill i wake up fully. Thank You for giving me this self awareness and love for my self. I wish you all the best in all parts of all human beings that awakes in you now. I wish this earth to be a greatfull place of aware geniuses naturals making a difference from whithin the power of their self awareness. Thank You all the life and ieas that are to be found and thank you giving them within. Love

mikael says

i forgive my self for having lived my life as god was in book controlling to not shine, I forgive my self for having believed this about god and i forgive self having belived that one person knows better my connection to god thatn me, I forgive my self for having giving my self this irresponsiblity to feeling guilty to choose my own destiny. I forgive my self for now choosing my destiny and being free shining self with all attraction i can handle.Thank You Love thank guidance and all things that challenged me to reach this part point of my life. Thank You god for being in me. I love you and i forgive my self wholly.

mikael says

i forgive my self for awakening renaissance souls creating enterprises with them they can make a living on and living this life daily with a blessed family who loves me no matter what and gratitude for all small things in my life with all fortunes i am naturally in harmony with to feel have be do be my abundance expereince in my life

mikael says

i forgive my self to be my free inner voice daily and the life i have in my soul to give and receive

mikael says

i forgive my self to be my free inner voice

mikael says

i forgive my self to be my inner voice

mikael says

I FORGIVE MY SELF FOR NOT MAKING THIS RENAISSANCE SOUL ONLY AND FOR NOT FEELLING GUILTY TO HELP OTHER SOUL.
Thank You, GOD, I FORGIVE MY SELF FOR BELIEIVNG IT GOD AND LEETING GO TO GOD TO BE MY GUIDE. i forgive my self for doing this withou religion or leader other than my innver voice

mikael says

Thank You I LOVE THIS

mikael says

i forgive my self for seeing my truth as awakening in soul ans doing it into wonderful projects i love for earth to see . I forgive my self for having this blessing and living my purpose so fully i wanna pinch my self and see if iam real

mikael says

i forgive my self for to fully belieivn in this soul a awake risk taker thing for me. I forgive my elf for eating addiction and hearing addiction every i choose my path. I forgive my self for choosing my path and feeling good about it. i forgive my self for now in being the leader of my life. i forgive my self for leading life the way i love no matter opionions. I forgive my self for being grateful for all this into reality

mikael says

I forgive my self for doing all this exercises and making my truth. I forgive my self for taking all the space here..I forgive my self not having done this exercise daily in my life and lived this way i dream to be that i allready am and deny. Thank You for all my life. Thank You for all my struggles. Thank you for my fear to be burned at stake for what i belief. I forgive my self for being burned at stake to share my message with the world. I forgive my self to being so wake that any stake can control my life. I forgive my self for believing that some one else than me decides when i die. I forgive my self for indentifying my soul as a weak hopeless thing and my self as my body not able to control my life. I forgive my self for believing that i dont deserve abudance and that the world is a seperated pour place when no evidence that the news have shown me this. I forgive my self for letting leaders decided my life and views. I forgive my self for creating caner in my breast. I forgive my self not healing it. I forgive my self for now writing audio books from my soul and making abundane from it whiel its to easy and bad because others have to struggle to fortune i forgive my self for doing this now. I forgive my self for being free for sharing my self gifts and having my bonus abundance. I forgive my life and the core of my sorrow of for believing i am jealous being me, iam jealous flowing in my life, i am a ego if my life is briliant. I forgive my self to choose my life as brlliance. I choose my life as natural brilliance now and i forgive all pain i cause for my family and my self for being doing having my brilliance. I live my brlliance now famous without fear all over the world on youtube an every where i feel for and i forgive my self for the fears of being hit down because of my viwes. i FORGVIE MY SELF BEING A SOUL SURRENEDER A VECHICLE OF HELPING AWAKE RENAISANSE SOULS AND DOING THEIR PROJECTS TO ACHIEVEMENT OF A DAILY BASIS. i FORGIVE MY SELF FOR HAVING THIS BLESSED LIFE. i forgive my self for putting my self in danger for having this blessed life. I forgive my life for being true to my self risktaker. Thank You.

mikael says

I forgive my self for denying all helping all sorts of soul iam inspired with guilt to only help dyslexics and leave them behind. I forgive my self to easily make self a fortune. I forgive self to be a giver fullfilled and look with a glowing heart and see pain in others while i live my dream. I forgvie my self for not denying my self and being free. I forgive my self for being free and challenging my family to receive a painful life because i am free. I forgive my self no jeopardise my families safety because i take on the world. i forgive my self to be the very speaker my dad hates. I forgive my self for succeeding being the speaker that natural helps soul florish without struggle with a natural flow to wealth. I forgive my self for playing feeling that way while i design companies with huge teams that support projects for the souls i help to impact the the world and life their life path. I forgive my self for having this wonderful life and feeling so good daily with all the fortunes in my mind and heart iam attractive to an having them as real tangible reality as a bunus in my life. I forgive my self for all the pain of having all this. all the guilt and anger create in others for being fre. Thank You

mikael says

i forgive my self for making my dad decide my life. i forgive my self for being a speaker help weak unawakened souls awake. i forgive my self for lying to my self. i forgive my self for putting my self down just to not fit my dream . I forgive my self belieiving it is evil of me of making tons of money on making weak people flourish their soul. I forgive my self of making money easily doing the thing i am born to do . I forgive my self of daily doing the thing i born to do into a struggle. I forgive my self for making addicted relationships be my truth of reali friends. I forgive my self for not having the guts to cut my addicted guilt to my family

mikael says

Mom i forgive you for making events that i made my self addicted to. Dad i forgive you for not believing in me your whole life as wishing training me to be someone iam not. I forgive you for your fears of self acceptance and society acceptance of having a son that is normal to society. I forgive my self for not claiming accepting that i am not normal in the way you want me to. Forgive my self for never maybe every being able to please to view i have you have of me. I forgive my self that i will never please my mom being the way iam in the view of a smaill kid i have for you i must be. I forgive my self that i may never be loved by you mom and dad for the being i am . i forgive my self for letting you be my life. I forgive my self for ignoring my self. I forgive my elf for seeing my self down and less valuable that my friends who can kiss wit their mouth and do easilty way of society work and succeed that life. I forgive my self for the guilt of not being able to do this. I forgive all my mom friends for putting down my dreams in my view of you. I forgive my self for denying my truth. I forgive my self for making all spiritual leaders more valuable of knowing me than me. I forgive my self for having fear for any one. I forgive my self for painting the picture that elit forces control my life. I forgive my sto not be an dhwole divided soul in my heart. I forgive my self for not being a tru core being energy slef that is feee alive happy joy smiling daily on every thing i love my self. i forgive my elf to feel guilt tlo be happy. I forgive my self to feel to be alive. I forgive my self to feel guilt smiling at the buss in fear of making them feel misserable and jealous. i forgive my self whole for denying my self daily to help others denying them self feel good. i forgive my self for making self this sorrow and worry and aciety and rule to just be accepted.

mikael says

Dear relatives and family i forgive you for challenging my soul wish. i forgive my self for not having stood up for my self infront of you and lived empty they wishes i thought you liked me with. I forgive my self for all the pain and sorrow i caused my self to be the one you wanted me to be in my my mind. I forgive my self for choosing my empty closed down small path . I forgive my self putting my self down being pushed bullied in middle school. Forgive my self for being in my own world not understanding and feeling the natural talking my family did during our dinners. I forgive my self for questioning the world and not fully embracing its natural small things daily. I forgive my self for attracting my self to doing a mission and ignoring it during my whole life time in front my success achievement view on my family and relatives. I forgive my self for not sticking out in being my self and going for my life the way i dream. I forgive my self for ignoring the value of me with strangers and family relatives and girls. I forgive my self for trying to be someone iam not, and trying to be the things i know. I forgive my self for not seeing my self as valuable. I forgive my self for ignoring my history value and story as gift for others inspiration. I forgive my self for seeing my real value as less than any one else. I forgive my self for dying inside to be addicted to my family and relative. I forgive my self for not making my addications on me. I forgive my self for not saying hey iam me and i love me and being that grateful for my self infront of family and relatives. I forgives my self for seeing that my love value is based on what i get from my family friends and relatives. I forgive my self for not hugging being gratefl for every small thing i achieve. I forgive my sel ffor loosing that value of just being me. I forgive my self for the guilt of natural attracting my dream life when my family and relatives dont. I forgive my self for being seen as egoistic selfish because i live my dream and challenge the limited self view in others family society and relatives. i forgive my self for writing the easy to my success, for doing the easy talents of my born abilites daily and naturally having a abundant life. I forgive my self for not allowing me to be daily while i decided my dream life. i forgive my self for not accepting the wealth i dream about in my soul. I forgive my self for being jealous at rich people just because iam denying my riches. I feel grateful for my life, that way i was put here the challengs i have and the sorrows i gave my self to wake up. I forgive my self for underscoring my value to the elite controler of my life and i forgive my self for imagining that someone can controll me inside when i control every part of me because i belief in it. I forgive my self to belief in being no value and having no control on my daily prosperous life in my dream assignment. i forgive my self for seeing my self less then the elite control guilt in my head. i forgive my self for living my lie that i am limited. i forgive my self for creating my limited life daily because of fear for being free. i forgive my self for tring being guided by elite and not doing my life. i forgive my self for believing that i am dying because society thinks so. I forgive my self believing my whole life iam meet and have no value. i forgive my self for belieivng that my soul is bad terrible thing that destroys lives. i forgive my self for believing that i have no power. i forgive my self for beleiving that power is only bad and can only be used for daily evil. i forgive my self for not counting on my self. i forgive my self for counting my self on some outside thing in every action i take and making them most valuable. I forgive my self for surrendering to a fear based life. I forgive my self for believing that every in the universe is energy but iam not. I forgive my self for being manipulated that the whole universe is energy but iam no in it, and that i some how believed that was evidenced and iam seperated from the universe and that all this was the truth when no science or evidence proofed me this was true. i forgive my self for being so fales. so annoyed and so stupdid to see all this shit as reality. i forgive my self for making my self feel as a born misstake because of my disability. I forgive my self for feeling as a failure because society say so. I forgive my self for trying to die just to be not me in the world. i forgive my self for denying the very core of my soul daily and making every ones opinion more important than the core of my self. i forgive my self for setting my limits and inventing i have them. i forgive my self for lying about all my self success of all the things i must do to please people who even dont like the core of my soul. I forgive my self for denying my self on a daily struggle journey going round in circles having no love for my self and dreaming illuisional dreams to fit society they way iam not. I forgive my self for all this. I forgive my self for that i now dont take charge in the life i have to give. I forgive my self now that i hate succeeding in speaking making millions because it is my soul flowing gift easy to do natural life skill. I forgive my self for living the big life the big life and that i naturally attract the major leaders of the world spontaneously in person very oftehn as soons as i am in flow,i forgive my self for denying this gift to give. i forgive my self for freely being a millionaire billionaire doer and i frogive my self for not allowing my self to fly firstclass creating companies with my talents easily 5 days a week. i forgive my self for not giving my self the life i feel in my heart i deserve. i forgive my self for making life and intution an lillusion and making my soul someting not important. Thank You this was very freeing.

Painting Liberty: Liberating One’s Self through Forgiveness | The American Monk says

[...] Uncategorized I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has participated in the Forgiveness Letter writing excercise, and all of you who [...]

jyothi says

hi iam jyothi...i want forgiveness fronm my father...he is a great person..but he is very busy person..so even though i love him soo much i use to compare with others n i misunderstood soo much..i really lost so many things during that misunderstanding...n i might hust my sis..coz she is hurting the whole family...now iam not talking with her..coz she is not at all understanding the family n real affection...thats all.

Janalee says

To PAB,my former husband & father of my two grown children:

It has been 31 years since we got married. How I loved the beginning of our relationship. You taught me the ways of the world, the ways of the flesh, and the ways of a colorful intelligent person. Unfortunatly, we butt heads too often because we both have strong personality types. I learned so much from you.

I also learned how much it hurts when someone you love yells and snaps and says mean things. I'd never been brought up that way. I knew you were a "dry drunk" or a ACA Adult Child of an Alcoholic, but it wasn't until my early thirties did I start to read about it. You were a ragaholic. I suffered. I am sorry that you had to grow up feeling an emotional absence from your father while your mother worked odd hours. You have many good qualities. And I am thankful for our two children who bring so much delight and joy and meaning into my life. I'm glad we have remained friends through the years and that you and your 3rd wife took me and our daughter out to eat the last time you came through town.

I forgive you for only seeing your children a few times every year when they were growing up and not taking full responsibility for your parental and financial role. I think I did an outstanding job considering the stress I was under. I had to refinance my house several times just to keep up a normal middle class routine while they were growing up. I forgive you for spending more money on your three step kids (who mostly turned out to be ungrateful and problemmatic) than you did with your own children. I couldn't help but resent your ability to save for retirement while I had to sacrifice saving for my own because I put everything I could make into raising GAB & JMB. I am practising the art of letting go. I'm not perfect yet, but I do know you did the best you could or you would have done more. Your engineer mind works in rigid ways. I forgive you for squashing my joyful spirit and calling me names in front of my friends and coworkers.

I even forgive you for the psychological abuse you put me through without so much as saying you were sorry. You just finished yelling at me and I flinched once carrying a Christmas tree into our CA home & my sister noticed it. She almost cried for me. My own mother, who is very religious, was the one who said the words,"You are an abused wife and I wouldn't blame you if you left him." Gosh, did that get my attention. The final straw though, was your regular dose of yelling at me in front of the kids or shouting at them for typical behaviors from a toddler and a four-year old. I forgive you for causing our son to pee on the carpet because he didn't have any other outlet for being yelled at unfairly. He even stuck up for me (at age four) once when you yelled at me for buying the wrong type of ice cream. "Don't yell at Mommy, she's being nice...she brought home ice cream for us." I became so depressed, I didn't recgonize my own personality. I forgive you for all these and a thousand more incidents in between. I forgive you for yelling at me the day we brought our baby girl out of the hospital when you drove me home or when you said, "You're the one who wanted kids so make GAB be quiet." I recall breast feeding JMB one afternoon & you wanted something done and in a loud demanding voice called down to me from upstairs. When I responded that I was in the middle of breasting feeding, you actually said, "It's always something" like I'm trying to avoid your request on purpose.

You have no self-awareness of how you behaviors affect others negatively. You shout, say you're sorry, and move on. It's the rest of the world who have to "suck it up" and go along with your program. Your way or the highway. I forgive you for not respecting my wishes and not honoring me as a person. I guess you just didn't have the self-esteem to be a tolerant type. I forgive myself for allowing this to happen because I thought I had to stay in a marriage that was emotionally painful to endure. I forgive myself for tearing up the family unit because there was no affection, no respect, and no happiness for quite some time. At leastI left you when the kids were two and four, so they appreciate growing up in a less rigid, more free-spirited home. They thank me for that even now that they are 23 & 20 years old.

In short, I forgive your past mistakes because I'm sure I made many myself. Nobody is perfect, so I've learned and grown and healed from it all. So, ironically, thanks for being you.
Janalee

Frankie says

Burt,
I wrote my letter privately to my father, from whom I was estranged for the last 20 years of his life. I will probably have to write more letters to him as time passes because of the stuff that keeps surfacing that I had repressed. The pain is always fresh when it happens, but I have come to realize that I am the one who benefits by forgiving him. Resentment and pain are too heavy a load for me to carry, and I will need to relinquish that burden more than once. Hardest of all will be the letter I write to myself, forgiving myself for sheltering behind denial when I was too weak to do anything else. It was the best I could do at the time. I forgive me and love me for the courage it took to hang on.

NW says

Dear GG
Initially,I was very happy to meet you at such a seemingly opportune moment for both of us.I soon realised that you had no respect for my professional or artistict input; you put me down and made others believe I was your secretary.My creative ideas were stolen by you and I was given no credit. You lied about me to others and to me personally. I was poorly paid and worked long hours. You took all the credit for my ideas. You humiliated me and made my life miserable.I decided to leave and you offered my job to your friend. You left the job offer letter in the photocopier for me to find and I could see the improved benefits for your friend.You took your friend out to dinner at an expensive restaurant to celebrate, then billed the dinner to a client account.Your friend was so incompetent that within a few weeks your business was nearly destroyed and you begged me to return.I thought that we would have a new relationship from this point onwards, but it was not to be. Several clients fired you and you tried to blame me. You then tried to give my job to your secretary and wanted me to do her clerical work.You told me the clients hated me and I had to leave the office each time there was a meeting.You were devious and calculating and then hired a new bookkeeper at some extortionate rate whilst telling me you could not afford to pay me. I waited two or three months for payment whilst you were paying this other person three times my salary.I was informed by email by this person, that as from two months ago, I would not be paid and that this was a directive from you. Sadly, you did not care to tell me this in person and I left immediately. We never spoke again. You have been dishonest,cowardly manipulating and frankly stupid!! The next person you replaced me with was incompetent and had to be dismissed after a few weeks.I am so sad about the turn of events. I do love you and miss you and forgive you for you know not what what you do.I choose to remember the good times we had, the laughter, adventure, travel and fun.I wish you every success for the future and am really so sorry it ended this way.
Much Love
NW

margarita says

Thank you to all you wonderful people who have the love and the courage to forgive even in your pain. I love you.

Margarita

rajan68 says

I ask all human beings and living things whom i have verbally or mentally swore and abused them to forgive me, particularly my parents, grandparent who are no more. I also ask my kids to forgive me if i have not shown affection to you which i have tried my level best.
I resolve to avoid these in future.

rajan68 says

I ask particularly to my wife to forgive me. Being born without sisters or brothers and sent to a boarding school i became lonely and love to be alone. Hence this induced in me sex lust and cravings which finally ended in my having homo-sex with 3 guys initially and then after our marriage went to 2 prostitutes and homo-sex also with 5 guys and now 40 years my life gone and being punished by supreme whoever it is to suffer from wry neck and cervical spondylitis.

Marcy says

Once upon a time there was a king and a queen. They lived in a far off place and thought they were very happy - until one day a visitor from the past appeared at the castle door. The visitor asked to see the king and was ushered through the vast hallways to his library. The king happened to be alone that day as his queen had gone hunting, and as soon as the oak door to his library opened and he saw who the visitor was, he fell into his chair as though struck with a blow. 'So, you are pleased to see me', said the visitor. 'It has been many years and I am pleased to see I haven't changed as much as I thought - although you, it seems, have aged considerably.' The king, who had been silent throughout this speech, slowly raised himself to his full height. 'I know well who you are,' he said, 'it wouldn't matter how many years had passed or how long your beard had grown - I would know you still.' He paused and passed a hand over his brow. 'You are my nemesis. The only one who knows the dark secret that lies deep in my darkest dungeons. You have come to exact revenge for the wrong done to you in your youth...when we both were young.' The king said these last words with a dying fall and waited for reply. After a few moments the visitor took down his hood and showed himself for the first time. 'It is true. It is I, your brother whom you forsook in his hour of need. I have returned to see what has become of you and to ask of you one thing that it is within your powers to grant.' 'If only I was ignorant of your request, then I would not hesitate to accede. I know though that you want me to release our sister held beneath this castle from her childhood days to this. You wish for me to reinstate her to her rightful place as counselor to myself and my wife. For her judgement to hold sway over the powerful and for her being to serve as a reminder that they too are but fallible beings prone to whim.' The visitor drew closer to the king and looked deeply into his eyes, ' you are my brother', he said quietly, 'I have always looked up to you as my superior. Not because you are cleverer than I, nor because you are blessed by your position of birth. No, I look up to you because you are a better man than I.' The king was taken aback by these words and returned the knowing gaze of the other. He looked to see if he had heard correctly and if his brother was sincere in his declaration. What he saw in the azure eyes was nothing more or less than contrition and in that seeing his heart melted and he took his brother to him with tearful gratitude.
Since that day the castle in the forest has been a joyful place. The king and queen no longer think that they are happy in their lives and their knowledge is shared by the king's brother and sister. The four royal and blessed comrades keep counsel for each other and many evenings are spent by the castle fires in happy talk and festive dancing.
There remains only one tale to tell and that is the story of the beautiful queen who remained faithful and devoted to her king for the rest of her happy days.

Maria Bastas says

I wrote a really long letter of forgiveness mainly to the men in my life and myself. Starting from my father to my ex partners and then onto myself. I don t know if it got submitted or was erroneously deleted. That is a shame but I did actually write it and that was indeed cleansing for me. To allow me to move onto to better and greater experiences, especially in my desire to unite with a loving male partner whom I trust and commit to.

Maria Bastas says

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nidhal says

Dear Parent,
I knew that time u have the rihgt 4 evrything and to be anger. and u were ungry for some stuation.But i wana say forgive me.
Mom, u r angry for seeing me having my friends.And that time i feel no hate toward u.
I forgive u for that too.
I rember when the private school and how u tried soo hard for that.i wanna thank u and forgive u for done this to me.
Mom & dad i also rember when u argu for some reasons that i ddnt understand that time. I feel no hated towards you, and I forgive you bothe for that too

dad,I forgive you for and i wana thank u for evrythind and i realy missed u.
mom,I hope that after all we’ve been through, you’ve learned just as much as I have. I’m still here to help u and take care of u. Because no matter what’s been said and done, you’re still my MOM and i love u.
Notice: dear Burt (keep it confidential

Yours Truly,

nidhal

anithakiron says

DearBurt goldman,
I am really moved by your frequent advises to people of various backgrounds.I want to try this tip of forgiveness letter.I thank you you sincerely for showing me a way to get cleared of mistakes in mu past life either by me or people close to my life.
sincerely ,
A.Anithakiron

Marcy says

Some days I feel as though i need to forgive everyone for things they did or didn't do - but only in the last few years. Before that I didn't. Except for a few maybe. Now though I feel that lots of people have done me wrong in those years - when I needed understanding. It seems now that everything's almost back to normal, that they didn't do me wrong really. They just didn't know how I felt. Even though I thought I had expressed to them exactly what the problem was and how I felt about it, they somehow couldn't understand the depth and breadth of what I was feeling and so couldn't comfort me or tell me it was OK because it would all be alright in the end. Wow - how I needed them to tell me that.
They made up for it though. Even though at the time they didn't make up for it, later they did. They over made up for it if you see what I mean - in a good way.
I just get days when I forget the making up bit and remember the bad bit - today's a bit like that. But I have to say that day's like today aren't so bad as they used to be. they just make me a bit down and grumpy to everyone or I tell my son to hurry up and do his home work when I wouldn't normally. Then it's me who needs forgiving! I try to explain it to him - sorry for being a bit grumpy today. I might even make an excuse, like I'm feeling a bit ill.

Tracey Adams says

Wow, that got long. So sorry about that! Feel free to remove it for length, I won't be offended.

Tracey Adams says

A forgiveness letter on a complex issue:

To all of you that this concerns:

All those years ago, I made a decision that I deeply regret. I made it with the best of intentions, and I believed and accepted statements that didn't ring true to me. I allowed my low self-esteem to get me into the position where the wrong decision was easy-- even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done, or that I think any human can do.

To those who told me how wonderful adoption is, and how much better off my son would be without me, I forgive you. I know now that you "knew not what you did." I know now that you really believed what you told me. You really were convinced that it would be best for my son to grow up without his mother, and for me to lose my son forever.

To those who used Christianity to twist and distort the truth, so that I would feel ashamed if I wanted to keep the child that God had sent to me... I forgive you.

To those of you who told me that children of single mothers are statistically more likely to go to prison than those raised in two-parent homes; yet who never told me that adopted persons are statistically more likely to go to prison than are children raised by their own (even single) mothers... I forgive you.

You didn't knowingly lie to me, after all. You were given a lie by the child trafficking (adoption) industry, who makes 1.8 billion dollars a year selling children. How could you have known that you were being just as exploited as I and my son were?

To the child trafficking industry who profits off of the agony of mothers who lose their children, and the deep, agonizing pain and hurt adoptees feel as they grow up separated from their roots... I forgive you. You have lost your way, and your lust for money has overcome your compassion, a great loss for you.

To the mother I first chose to raise my son in my stead, I forgive you for dumping him back into my arms out of your own fear, leaving me to flounder as I tried to recover from this action. I know that you had waited so long for the chance, and now feared terribly the results if it didn't work out, if I should have changed my mind after you fell in love. In some ways, my own loss helps me understand your decision.

To Gl, I forgive you for promising to assist me in raising your grandson- my son, and then bringing about a situation where I feared leaving him with you, so felt I couldn't look for work until I could find a way to get him safe care as I did so.

To Ga, I forgive you for refusing to give me the money E was sending to me, that would have enabled me to keep my son. I forgive you for thinking you knew what was best for everyone, and for telling yourself that this person you didn't even know wasn't fit to be a mother. I forgive you for never bothering to know me, or to even ask what was going on. I forgive you for putting yourself in a position of power and authority in order to accomplish your goal of forcing everyone to the solution you had deemed best.

To E, I forgive you for leaving us, and not bothering to ensure that the person who was your only connection to us was trustworthy and was really doing what you asked. I forgive you for only calling them, and never calling me. I forgive you for only asking me to keep my son and make a life with you because your mother told you that you should, and with only dislike for me in your heart.

I forgive myself for the choice to help someone which got me kicked out of the place I had found to live. I forgive myself for not finding a better solution than going with Cr to GA and thus finding myself in a compound from which I could not escape.

I forgive you, A and L, for taking my son under false pretenses and going forth with an adoption that you knew was wrong and being done under duress. I forgive you for thinking that you were better for my son than I was, and I forgive you for your inability to realize that I was a person-- a MOTHER who was losing her deeply beloved CHILD. I forgive you for ignoring the countless times I said I didn't want to give him up and taking him anyway. I forgive you for caring only about your own desire to adopt a boy child, and not about me or my son.

I forgive myself for walking away on the final, last, fateful day when I saw him for the last time; rather than grabbing him and escaping with him, taking us both to freedom. I forgive myself for not knowing that he would obviously be best off with his mother. I forgive myself for believing the lies, and for not having the strength to stand up to all the opposition. I forgive myself for fearing the corrupt courts and the police who supported this farce of a "volunary" adoption.

I forgive everyone who continues, to this day, to look me in the face and tell me that adoption is wonderful, good, and necessary. I forgive their willful ignorance. I forgive them for not knowing the soul-devouring AGONY of loss and grief and terrific, unspeakable pain that mothers who have lost their children to adoption feel. I forgive them for having no clue how deeply painful adoption is for everyone except adoptive parents and the child trafficking industry.

I forgive them for believing what they are told about adoption instead of actually listening to those who have experienced it and live every day with the terrible scars. I forgive all the adoptees who toe the party line and say how wonderful it is, how grateful they are to have been taken from their mothers through coercion and extortion of said mothers.

I forgive those who actively seek ways to coerce "reluctant" mothers into giving up their children. I forgive them for using these mothers' love against them, as a tool to get them to give their children up. I know that these people honestly believe that being raised by wealthy people is more important, and better, than being raised by a poor family... your own family. They've been lying so long that they've convinced even themselves.

I forgive myself for believing the lies. I forgive myself for the many years that I stoicly repeated the lies, then went home and wept at every holiday, every birthday, and every thought of the precious son I lost. I forgive myself for 15 long, agonizing, soul-destroying years of separation from the most beautiful thing that had happened to me.

I forgive myself for so many years of tears, of loss, of feeling less-than the adopters. I forgive myself for believing the same lies as everyone else. I forgive myself for not knowing better. For not doing better. For listening to others over my own heart, which begged and begged me to keep the son I so dearly loved and would make even this ultimate sacrifice for.

I forgive myself for letting them take advantage of my naivety. I forgive myself for letting my past dictate to me that I should let my son go "for his own good." I forgive myself for not seeign what a wonderful mother I really am and was.

I forgive myself for screwing up so badly, I forgive myself for the pain that was so horrible I tried repeatedly to die to escape it. I forgive myself for these years of torturing myself with memories of what I have lost and will never, ever have again.

I forgive myself for believing the adopters' lies. I forgive myself for choosing liars and predators. If I had known their true nature, I would never have chosen them, I know that now. I forgive myself for not knowing better.

I forgive myself for so completely believing a religion that so thoroughly destroyed my self-esteem that I was so vulnerable to this attack. I forgive my parents for raising me as Christian so that I could be so easily exploited. I forgive myself for believing in a god that thought I was broken and who wanted to punish me. I forgive myself for accepting the coercion used upon me through the Solomon & baby story to get me to give up my son if I REALLY loved him and was a REAL mother.

I forgive myself for not realizing that, just as I had hurt all my life because of my own adoption and the loss of my own family and motehr... so would my son also hurt from the loss. I forgive myself for all the things I didn't know then, that I do know now... and I choose to stop telling myself that I should have known. I didn't know, and so I did my very best, out of genuine love.

I forgive the lonely, desperate, vulnerable 21 year old girl that I was. As I look back on her, sitting there at the foot of a war monument, wanting more than anything in the world to die and stop the pain... instead of anger, instead of recriminations... I choose to send her love and the deepest compassion. I choose to embrace her and let her cry her tears and pain out. I choose, instead of telling her that she should have been stronger, to tell her that she is so strong and wonderful for having done her best, and for trying so very, very hard to do the right thing.

And I wish for many young mothers to know the truth. I wish for my son to know how much he is loved. I wish for his adopters to come to understand, in a gentle way, how high the price of their happiness was, and thus to appreciate it far more deeply. I wish for them to use that knowledge to help my son. I wish for them to use it to help their other adopted child.

May awareness spread. May the adoption industry become about children who NEED homes, instead of about homes who want children. May adoption become a truly altruistic industry, and profiting from it die away forever. May families be together, even the single mother families. May children know their mothers, may they be held by them in the darkness of night when they cry, instead of a stranger. May mothers be allowed to keep their beloved children, aided in the endeavor, forgiven for perhaps not being prepared before they got pregnant.

May families everywhere be united, may children who genuinely need homes find parents who genuinely desire a child, in the most symbiotic way. May adoptive parents be more truly and properly taught about the joys- and tragedies- of adoption. May there be more understanding and awareness on everyone's part towards one another.

May those who genuinely wish to help children find a way that doesn't inadvertently bring deep pain to mothers and children who are best off together. May truth and honesty prevail. May understanding and awareness spread to all people about both sides of the reality of adoption, so that the underlying social pressure is gone from anyone considering this loss.

May doors be opened, may windows be cleared. May we bless and protect the sanctity of families.

Sincerely,
Me

Ligia Julia says

I forgive every one who hurt me intentionaly and not intentionaly. I also forgive myself if I ever hurt any one, as i have no intention to hurt anuone. i rather give love that hurt.
Somone sand to me this beautiful words of wisdom:
"Do Not Give Up!!!!!

One day I decided to quit......
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality....I wanted to quit my life....
I went to the woods to have last talk to GOD.
"God", I asked "can you give one reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me....
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes, I replied.
"Wen I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green cover the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo.
In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo. He said.
In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.
I would not quit. He said. Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... but just sixth months later the bamboo rose to over 1 meter tall. It had spend the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
"I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle"He said.
He asked me,"Did you know, my child, that all the time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots to survive."
" I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Do not compare yourself to others", He said.
"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful"
"Your time will come" God said to me. "You will rise high".
How high should I rise? I asked Him. "How high the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
As high as it can? I questioned. "Yes". He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."
I left the forest and came back home.
I hope that we see that God never give up on us.
Never, Never, Never give up!!!.
Do not tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!!....
Heavens door open this morning, God asked me... My CHILD...

what can I do for you?" and I said,

"Daddy please protect and bless the one reading this message".

God smiled and answered .. request granted .............

God Bless you all, and protect you in the name of Jesus Christ!!
Amen."

Carolyn says

The most painful love affair I had in my life, with my broken heart, taught me the following: "You have to own it, to see/hear/think it"... We came from somewhat different backgrounds - very much the same family - but very different childhoods. I'm an only, and was never spoiled - I had to "work" for my "dreams" - he was the "baby" and extraordinarily spoiled!!! I've since learned that everyone comes into your life to teach you who YOU are... I forgive myself, I forgive him - I still, and always will love him (hate is love turned on itself!)

K.A. Thomas says

Forgivness from a Faithfull Husband

I have been married for the last 14 years. I had been struggling to live with dignity and integrity. I had been working all through the years from the dawn to late at 10 PM doing my regular jobs and part time jobs and insurance agencies. I am blessed with two beloved sons now they are aged 13 and 12 years. I loved my wife beyond everything but neglected her in words that was not deliberate. During this struggle I also took care to upgrade my academic qualifications.

But when I found that my wife was having extra martial affairs I almost devastated and lost all lust for life. She indirectly remorsed for her unfaithful attitude but still she is not confessing that she was unfaithful. Since I am a man of integrity and honesty I prefer to live upon principles and a firm believer in God.

On 11 the of this month she left me for this reason but divorce is a least chance, I do hope we will reunit very soon.

By God grace now I sleep with my eleder son one side and younger son other side and above all the mighty God taking care of us all throughout the day and night. I often broke down infront my sons when I send them to school in the morning but our mighty God strengthens me and I do hope God will not do anything wrong to a pure hearted man who lives for a purpose.

I wake up at 4 00 O clock in the morning prepare breakfast, lunch and snack for my sons and leave that on the table for them to eat when they come from school. I see that God has purpose out of this.

I forgive my wife through this letter and resolve whatever happens to me I will leave them to God for judgement. I now some vested interested due to jealousy deliverately tried to destablise a good family.

I thanks Mr. Burt Goldman for this website to give me a chance to open my heart.

I thank all the people who read my forgiveness letter and advice them to be strict,vigilant and be honest in you family life as only once we make a family and it should without any black spot.

With all the best and regards to the readers and Mr. Burt Goldman team.
K. A. Thomas
India

Michelle says

TO ANYBODY I EVER HURT IN THIS OR PREVIOUS LIVES,

PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND I WILL TREAT ANYBODY THAT CROSSES MY WAY WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT.

Michelle says

DEAR LUCKY,

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR ABANDONNING YOU BUT I HAD TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON INTO MY LIFE TO TAKE CARE OF A CAT AT THAT TIME. I THINK ABOUT YOU MANY TIMES AND I REALLY FEEL BAD FOR ABANDONNING YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING THE WONDERFUL CAT YOU WERE. I LOVE YOU.

Michelle says

DEAR URIEL AND YAEL,

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT HAVING BEEN ALWAYS A PERFECT MOM FOR YOU. YOU ARE MY DEAREST TREASURES AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.

Michelle says

DEAR MICHELLE,
THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS STRONG AND WONDERFUL BEING I HAVE BEEN IGNORING FOR SO MANY YEARS...FORGIVE ME FOR NOT BEING AWARE I WAS LIVING WITH SUCH A WISE AND LOVING PERSON. I AM STARTING TO LOVE AND TO ACCEPT YOU JUST LIKE YOU ARE. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Michelle says

DEAR PATRICK,

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE SICK AND FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING YOU. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID FOR ME. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

Michelle says

DEAR FREDERIQUE,

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU DID FOR ME. I WANT YOU TO FORGIVE ME FOR ANYTHING I EVER DID AGAINST YOU IN THIS LIFE OR PREVIOUS LIVES. I LOVE YOU.
YOUR SISTER

Michelle says

DEAR RAFI,

THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU, PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Michelle says

DEAR MOM,

I KNOW THAT I HAVE NOT ALWAYS BEEN THE DAUGHTER THAT YOU WANTED ME TO BE BUT I AM WRITING YOU THIS LETTER TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
I WOULD LIKE YOU TO FORGIVE ME FOR TELLING DAD THE SECRET ABOUT MY SISTER NOT BEING HIS CHILD, BUT THIS SECRET THAT I WAS KEEPING INSIDE OF ME SINCE THE AGE OF 14 HAS REALLY HURTING ME.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HURT AT THE WAY YOU SHOWED LOVE TO MY SISTER BUT ALWAYS PUTTING ME DOWN AND REJECTING ME BUT I FORGIVE YOU AND I UNDERSTAND IT WAS JUST A WAY TO PROTECT HER AND TO HIDE YOUR GUILT FEELING. I ALSO FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT OPENING THE DOOR OF YOUR HOUSE WHEN I CAME BACK FROM ISRAEL AND THAT YOU KNEW I HAD NO PLACE TO GO. IT REALLY MADE ME A STRONGER AND MORE COMPASSIONATE PERSON. IT ALSO TAUGHT ME NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. IT ALSO GAVE ME AN AMOUNT OF FAITH THAT NOT TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE.I HAVE THE PROOF THAT WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, EVERYTHING IS FOR THE GOOD, AND THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME. I ALSO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE WAY YOU HELPED ME WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE GROWING UP. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THOSE KIDS. I ONLY WANT TO ASK YOU TO PLEASE ANSWER THE PHONE AND ACCEPT TO SEE ME. IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS I DID NOT SEE YOU AND I WOULD LIKE TO HUG YOU, TO ASK FORGIVENESS FROM YOU BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING WRONG IN A PREVIOUS LIFE. I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU.

Lillian says

Dear Burt

My forgiveness letter is written to myself. For me it is always so easy to forgive another but more difficult to forgive myself. Right now I vow to forgive myself for past transgressions. I also vow to love myself since I believe that God is within.

Thanks for all you do Burt. You are a God Send to Man kind

Lillian - San Jacinto CA

loni says

Dear family; I have have put it upon myself to write to you all this day in hope that by forgiving you I in turn will also feel forgiveness for myself. Not only from me,. But from you also. Mom and Dad.. Forgive me for not being able to trust you enough to tell you things I should have. Such as... Being molested by Grandad for two years. I was only seven when this started. You seemed to hold Grandad in such High esteem, I could not break your hearts. I put you first. And although, Dad my heart ached to tell youI was so afraid of you. Especially when you drank. I remember you saying, That girls were not as good as boys. I most of the time felt this way. Even up to adulthood.I know that you raised me to be subservient to men. And I do understand the ways in which you were raised. Forgive me for having little faith. But you would have sent me away. I felt guilty enough. Mom; Forgive me for not trusting you with this and other issues that plagued my life. I could not trust you with alot of my secrets.Because you would tell others.Or go on a yelling rampage and scare everyone. Forgive me mom. I now realise that you were this due to the pressure on your brain from you anuryisms. When you became so ill from them and accured brain damage I had lost my mom forever. Then Dad; when you stroked,I had lost you too. I looked after you both until you passed on. Forgive me for some days I had little patience for you. Trying to work and raise my kids. Taking you to therapies, doctors and looking after your lives for eighteen years at times would take its toles on me and my family. Now my sister and three brothers. Forgive me for not wanting to involve myself in your lives after our parents moved on. Sister;forgive me me for not being ther for you when you developed cancer. I forgive you for not being there for me thru mom and dads illnesses although I would have appreciated time off once in a while. Forgive my selfishness. I realise you had your own issues with our parents also. Brothers. Forgive me for changing as you say I did from sweet to cranky. I had a large weight on my shoulders with no help because everyone thought that I was the easiest to dump it on. Forgive my naiveness. I forgive you for treating mom, dad and myself like we didnt matter most days.Now; Aunts and Uncles, Forgive me for not paying respects to you at family functions. Or not keeping up with you thru the years. I have been angry with you all for not helping your brother or sister;[my parents], at their difficult times. I could have used a few kind words after they left.Even today. Now myself. Loni; I am one of the most responsible people I know. Although life has been more sour than sweet I have always managed to get thru it at the end of the day with a kind word or gesture to someone in need. I forgive myself for the years of guilt.For feeling as tho I were never good enough. For feeling bad and dirty.For not saying things I should have. For not changing what I could have. For being someone for everyone else and not for myself. I forgive me.Nuff-said

Tricia says

I forgive, the men who sexually abused me and realized the awareness that is brought into my life. I forgive my ex-husband for not understanding how to cope with his issues and realize this forced me to once again address my fears and trust issues. I forgive but I am also in gratitude for I am stronger and more compassionate, because of all these events that have happen in my life. Thank you Burt for giving me a place to express myself.

margarita says

Yes, forgiveness is the foundation for everything we came to be in this world. For me there is one power in me that helps me to soften all the hurts and it can penetrate throough all the layers that I and we forget about over the years. When I look up and see the One who took all our hurts and although he was frightened accepted them but then did not become a 'victim'. He said "Father forgive them they do not know what they are doing". He opened his arms and surrendered them all to the One who is the Source of Love and in that moment he was able to pass on that power to each of us. So when I need to forgive I call on the name of the Source (called Father by some), the Son and the Breath or the Spirit to enable me to forgive and let go because usually 'they do not know what they are doing' and often neither do I.So in this moment let us all pause and receive that generous power even if it takes time to soften our hurts and flow through us to touch those living or dead and ourselves too who may need our forgiveness. Burt, thank you for reminding us of this. You are a bright gem.

Margarita

Kathy says

Dear Burt,
I know this is a good idea but don't know how to get there. Lived in terror all my life and when I let that guard down I am engulfed in anger and rage. I would have sworn to you that I am not angry until last weekend. I started leter to my brother because I am the least angry with him. I am not sure I can survive the anger with my parents, ex-husband, or self. I have big holes in my memory. Diagnosed Major Depression and PTSD. Meds help me function day to day. Therapy helping too.
Sincerely,
Kathy

Alwy says

Hello, Burt
I once read a poem in among many of my father memos. the poem is in my african language (Swahili - very common here). the message is that the strongest of the strong heart is the person who forgives, for the heart is harder than diamond or any stone. My father past away when i was eight years, and he (my father) had children from his previous marrige who are essentially our elder brothers and sisters. When we (I and my real brothers) were growing up, my mother used to tell us that our half brothers and sisters have taken all that our father left. They have forged things like Will, title deeds and so on. Later in my life i came to learn what my mama was saying were just lies or to put it in a respectful way she was just imagining things. My mama is still alive with all her five sences are in good working order.
Am a afraid to confront her and tell her she misled us as kids by feeding us wrong information, causing a drift between us and our half elder brothers and sisters, making us growing up with anger and think about nothing in life but seeking vengence. I am afraid that i will annoy her, embarace her, create a drift, develope a sence of mistrust or she may feel belittled, but i have always want to tell, how i have wasted my life because of her teaching.My Life passed by unnoticed. The only thing in my mind and the only life i was living in was a distant future, .ie i have finished my studies and i am out there seeking vengance and recover what is rightfully mine and my sibling.
Mr. Burt I love my mama so much and i am afraid to write her a letter of forgiving.She may feel revealed, put her in an awkwad postion and unpleasant feelings. She is all i got. I always think i should just keep quite and let her live the rest of her life peacefully with all the support i can give to make her life most comfortable and worth living. May be this way (by supporting her life needs) would be the best way of writting my forgiving letter to my mama.

Kathy says

Dear Burt,

Radha says

to a...
You may have had a tough time working with me. you did a lot to see me through...
But
Do you see that I also had my set of constraints and ordeals and I always tried my best to never let down the people with me?
Still...some words said thoughtlessly have been exchanged... No I wouldnt go into the history of this and that and who started what...
"You are crying for what you did"
what did I do? To always pray and do and say things that no one should be hurt and in the process carry a lot of load myself?
Today, I want to shed all that load. and to do that, I forgive those harsh words...
People are always good I believe... there are unpleasant situations at times. Let us hope there are no more and we have nice good times ahead.
With best wishes
R

Patricia A.C. Eppenbrock says

"Forgiveness Letter to Myself"

My Dearest Patricia,

I forgive you for holding on to the belief that you were somehow responsable for your own abandonment at the age of two. For the belief that you were not meant to recieve love even after a beautiful family brought you in to their lives, gave you a name and unselfishly opened their home and hearts to you.
I forgive you for having the capacity to see the good in others but not yourself. For caring and giving your love, patience and strengths to those who deserve it but not to yourself.
I forgive you for the battles that you felt you had to fight alone.
I forgive you for the fear that has caused you to build a wall so strong so high that even the tiniest shard of light won't dare to shine through.
I forgive you for glancing at your reflection then turning away refusing to see.
But most of all Patricia, I forgive you for Denying your own inner truth.

LOVE,
Patricia

jaaz says

this goes to barbara, my biological mother
i forgive you for the things you did to me. even though i thought those things had hampered my growth i now realize that had it not been for all of those terrible things i would not be the person i am today, and for that i send you thanks. i also realize that even though i forgive you i do not have to be with you. by letting you go and all the things i thought i had missed out on, i am able to live my life in peace, love and compassion. these things i learned because of my experiences with you. i wish you well.

Thomas A. Hilton, Jr. says

I believe that our early childhood experiences live with us through adulthood and you've just showed me a powerful example. You've also showed me the way to cancel out those negative experiences from working in our future. I'm teaching young parents the powers of positive encouragement words and experiences in our children can do wonders. I'll pass this information onto everyone in my facebook and through my non-profit organization http://www.praisingyourchidl.com

Thanks,
Thomas A. Hilton, Jr.

Gina says

I did the "let your mom and dad shrink to fit into your heart" compassion meditation when I was 13. That was all the forgiveness I ever had to practice for understanding. If you listen to your parents or whoever you feel the need to forgive persons concerns and complaints, and truly experience their validity points, you are relieved from creating their relationships and go on to build yours.

http://www.emofree.com for more issues and true healing

best tap while you read your own forgiveness letter.

Bobby Brown says

I brought this into my life, I must before becoming physical thought that looking like my father will be good, but that didn't go well with mom. I know mom you just took your anger on me, I forgive you, I will forget beign kicked out when I was 10 years old and being compared to my brother and being told I wasn't as good looking as he is, he is good looking, he still is. So, I forgive them the regrets on my success, and that I didn't settle for less. Now, that I am very ill, and they left me alone, and I don't see them because I can't help them, I do miss them. I am not of help to them; they could help me even with just a kind word, but it's all ok. I will come out of this, someway, somehow, my health will come back to me. I forgive the girls who say they loved me when they just wanted something different that love from me. I love you all, and I wish them the best, above all I hope you never have to go through what I have been through. I forgive myself for setting all these past things in motion. Cheers.

Susan says

Hi Burt

You're right: I didn't write a forgiveness letter after your first email. Thanks for the second one though! It pushed me to do it.

I've just written one to my mum, which I won't send, but guess will 'clear' me and make me feel better. I shall now write one to my ex-husband and also one to my dad, who died a few years ago. I won't send those either, but feel that it will be worth doing.

Thanks again!
Susan

Tammy says

This letter is to all my parents,
This letter is not to hurt any one but too help me to release me from myself..I forgive you bio mom for leaving my dad when I was just a baby and my brother and sister too. you hurt me then by locking us in a small clostset and leaving for the day to be with your lovers but I forgive you for that too. As soon as you lefted us behind our dad started to drink very heavy and he would leave us alone on weekends at a time, comeing home to just tear up the place and beat a kid or two, but I forgive you dad I do. I know you where lefted with alot with three kids to raise on your own. I also forgive all them birthdays you never said happy birthday or gave any gifts. I also for give you for not coming to any of my school plays and I had to miss.
I forgive you for all the chrismas I had no gifts. I forgive for all the times I had to miss out on ,like cupcakes and Valintine cards and gift exchanges,halloween night, pretty much every thing all the other kids got to do. I forgive you and I love you too. I forgive you for kicking me down the stairs making me pee myself as I went down them all because I was doing my home work when you called me to do the laurndry and I did not come down fast enough. I for give you for making me pick a wheeping willow twig to beat me with when I left a cup outside.I had welts for weeks but I forgive you I do.
I forgive you for the time you beat my sister so bad you riped out the phone cord out of the wall and wraped it around her neck til she was blue ,I cryed for you to stop but I was afaid of what you might do. So I ran away at 10years old that night you beat my sister blue. I forgive you I do. It was winter and my toes where comming though my shoes but I walked and walked to I came to this house, Lights where out and I went in though the back door I was frozen and afaid and did'nt know what to do, so I went in no one was home. just a second went by and lights where coming down the driveway. I sank within myself and went down this dark room that had a door that I went in but was full of water as I went down the steps.. I could not see and water was comming up my leggs so I back up to getting scared out of my mind when I backed up into the owners. lets just say that this night was a eye opening time of my life. They wanted to know where I can from and all this sfuff. So I broke down crying to them about all that was going on. They kept me that night and I'll never for get that they where the nicist I had every meet so warm and loving I remember wishing they where my parents. But that all came to and end when they took me to this place my father had to come and get me. I can remember him telling them I had problems. I needed to go back with you funny thing is I wanted to because I loved him.I fivegive you for that. But things did not change they only got worse when you broght my brother in the house by his hair kicking and pounching him like he was a man.I was really afaid of you and I went under my bed. Next day my brother was gone I thought he was dead.I was to afaid of you to ask where he was. a year later I found out he was in a foster home. I thought how lucky he was . I forgive you for that. Later at 11 he came back for a visit but he had letter from our bio mom. I wanted to know this mom so bad so when he left his old room I went in looking for those letters there was a number with her # on it. I just had to call, but i can remember being so a faird if dad was to wake up and find me or get the phone bill I would get it. But I called anyway. she hang up on me the fist time so I called again, she talked to me and instint love grow with in me for her. but I don't think the same for her. She did get us Kids right away but kicked my sister out at sixteen on her own. I for five her for that. At 12 she told me she did not love me as much as her two youngest ones, I was crushed but I forgive you for that too.I was 13 when she put me in foster care cause she could'nt deal with me. I forgive you for that. I forgive my foster parent for when I got raped in the night by one of her other forster kids I had gotten pagnent and I beleave her to have put something in my tissue that made me abort the baby .She rased goats and had stuff to abort them if she needed to. I forgive her for this. I was a mess from that point on and I forgive myself for all that I had aloud to consume me. I forgive myself for not letting go of the past that had hurt me. I forgive myself for not loving me back then. I do love me know and I set my old self free. For I forgive all that had hurt me,including me. Thanks Burt I needed this to come out There is so much more but I already feel 100% better, Thanks,Tammy

Leila says

Dear Arie, I'm sure mind-bobleness is at the heart of it.

Elaine says

I have forgiven and written forgiven letters to those who have hurt me in the past. I am sick and tired of forgving people. I say this because even with my own mother whom have hurted me tremedously as a child growing up until my adult life, my sibblngs and friends has gotten my forgiveness and all those who have hurted me n my lifetime. In my opinion they have taken my forgiveness for weakness and they decided to do the same things over and over again and I will forgive them over and over again. My question is at what point does someone stop forgiving the things that they have forgiven in the past that keeps on repeating itself. I reached the point where I have walked away from everyone.

Becky says

I wrote a Letter of Forgiveness to myself beginning of this year for all the things that I have done wrong in the past. I burnt that letter after reading and I no longer carry the guilt now.

Aris Notis says

I think most people - me one of them - don't know which person to start with? There are probabley many persons we would better forgive them now. But there are in a mess in our minds. Starting first with ourselves? Starting with someone else? This is the fist barrier to forgiveness.

Strength says

Forgiveness letter to my husband :

Dear Fred:

We are at that point in our marriage.I am leaving with the children on Friday.Going back to our motherland.It is with great sadness that I wrote this letter today.I have many fears about the future and how it's going to pan out. But knowing me and my positive attitude, I will make it work for the children and myself.
When you had the affair in 2005, I forgave you and we worked together on our marriage.It was important to stay together because I could not hurt our son and could not bear the thought of a broken marriage.
I allowed my mother into our lives.You found her love and presence overbearing and I am sorry.I cannot ask her to stay away because of the death of my brother and you know that.
You had an affair again in November last year.You lied and cheated over and over again. If I was responsible in any way for the break in our marriage , I am truly sorry.But I honestly feel like I gave it everything I had and I am completely tied of trying.
I forgave you in December last year and we tried again.Well, so I thought. But I found out again in April this year that you continued your relationship with this other person and me. I find it really really hard to believe that you blame my mother for this.You came home so drunk one night and verbally abused my parents.They were alone in the house sleeping.You hurt them. You hurt me, soooo many times.You hurt the children.You hurt our lives together. You hurt yourself.

I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.

But my greatest pain is that you and my daughter do not get on. Yes, she did things to delibrately annoy you. You got so angry with her. From the time she was 4 years old you shouted at here.I did not see this when she was young.I only saw her mischief. Until recently I did not have the courage to tell you when you were out of place. Well I'm telling you know, children have to grow up in a happy, free environment. Where they can laugh and talk as loudly as they want to.It does not matter if she sits with her feet on the settee, or if she did not wash her cup,or if she bangs her room door or if she puts the fan on when she is hot or the heater when she is cold or if she raises her voice to you now that she is a teenager and that she does not talk to you and I know that she does not respect you.
But it does matter that you do not talk to her other then tell her what to do or what she is doing wrong.It does matter when you refer to my child and say that 'she is being bitchy' . It matters a great deal.We are the parents, we are the adults.I am searching deep within me and I am sincerely saying this to you.

I forgive you.

I wish you a life blessed with happiness , joy , abundance.
We go in peace.
Live your life DAD!
God bless you.

Amy says

I wish I could forgive you - and I did the last time you humiliated me but I can't this time. The best thing for me to do is feel bad that you can't see what is real and what is not and let you go on with your life without me. I don't need your kind of thought process in my life. I forgive you but I also set you free. You blame your nasty words on your medication and I think that your medication is just "legal" drugs and that you are a drug addict. Even in your late 60's you are a woman on drugs and you accept no responsibility for your actions. I'm done with you and, Burt, I did nothing to her and in fact had a good time with her both times and then after she calls and blasts me for something I did not do - so I think she is mentally off and on drugs. I don't need that in my life - she is my long time (14 years) boy friend's mom. And I loved her because she was just that. But I don't anymore. I will live peacefully without her.

Linda says

As someone that had a narcissistic and manipulative mother, and a verbally abusive ex husband, I would like to comment on the issue of "forgiveness". My mother had an affair with her sisters husband which also produced a child. She lied to my father to her four children, and abused us in many ways. (One example is that she saved her money for "trips" to see her sister and her "lover", but we went without necessities like dental care and proper clothing). She farmed her kids to whomever would take them, and that put me in the hospital once with a bad dog bite. She also missed my high school and college graduations because she was visiting her "lover" and her sister. My dad was always there for me though.....and even though she bad mouthed him to anyone that would listen...he always loved me and treated me with respect.
Now she is old...and when I was on the run from an abusive ex husband, she insisted I come visit her, even though she lives in the opposite direction I was going, and of course I knew my ex husband would figure out that my mother's house would be the first place I would go.
So because I wouldn't risk my life by going to see her, she called me crazy, told me I should have myself committed and cut me out of her will.
I shook my head and told myself I was better off without her, and feel no remorse, nor any need to forgive. She is my enemy now, and I do not forgive enemies, for I will never allow myself to be put in a similar situation by someone like that again. To forgive someone for abuse of that nature is allowing that behavior to perpetuate and continue from one generation to the next. The abuser thinks its "ok", no consequences. Better to cut them off, which sends a clear message....I will never tolerate that kind of behavior, and neither should anyone else. Ask any battered woman who had gone back to her abusive ex husband time after time. We "forgive" them, which gives them permission to start all over again. My ex husband is now also my enemy. I am very wary of my enemies. We should leave abusive situations, and never turned back. Children abused by adults that know better, have no obligation to forgive, and should go on living their lives as adults without using the "abuse" as an excuse to continue perpetuating that kind of behavior. They should "live", as if every day was Christmas. Be happy and joyful, without making excuses.
I am very happy with my life now, and I didn't have to forgive anyone to feel that way.

Debbie says

Hi Burt,
I just read about the forgiveness letter and find it truly fascinating, especially since I just talked to someone about why I have suffered with anxiety attacks for the past 20 years. Since the day my Dad remarried and disowned me. She said I have held unto that hurt all this time. I wrote a letter to him telling him how I felt when I was getting married 13 years ago and he said the only reason I wrote it was to save my face at my wedding. I was really trying to show him how hurt I was and hoping he would see that and be in my life again. 4 years ago he told me to my face at my grandmother's 90th Bday party that he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. That was very traumatic for me to deal with and my anxiety attacks increased after that. I have had 2 reiki treatments from my brother's girlfriend who said my heart chakra was blocked and it was from the hurt of my Dad. I was just told a few days ago to look at my Dad's picture and tell him everything that I feel and let it all out which I did but I am definitely going to write the letter of forgiveness to him.
Thank you Burt for everything you do to help people, I feel I will now be able to finally enjoy life and be anxiety free!!!

Debbie

suri says

Thanks for a truly effective tool, Burt. For any pining lovebird looking for a model, here's my (undelivered) forgiveness letter:

Dear Anne,

I was as difficult a husband as any woman could deal with, full of my own anxieties from a rough childhood and driven by insecurities to never-ending ambition. I accomplished amazing things in our years together but was never satisfied, always pushing myself - and you - to achieve more and more and more.

Strangely enough, this restlessness and relentless drive extended to the spiritual side of things too: church and meditation and quiet times were also undermined by this need to somehow better it all.

It's only now that I can see how this must have been hell on you, burdened as you are with the intense shyness and painful insecurity that's been a crazy struggle for you all your life.

So I forgive you for all the things you did that hurt me and made me feel humiliated. Stuck as I was in my own self-absorbed state I couldn't perceive that these acts must have brought you even more suffering in guilt and remorse beacause you are at heart a simple and honest person.

More importantly (I think), I forgive myself for everything I did. Both for inducing your behaviour and in retaliating to it later with mindless acts of my own.

I won't give you this letter to read - too much bad blood has passed between us for either one to simply make or accept a statement on its face value. But I feel lighter in spirit just from the speaking out from my heart to acknowledge this problem that has hung over my head and cast a shadow over both our souls almost forever.

But despite not reading this letter, my belief is that you will see the major change that I already feel within me, and I'm equally confident that your behaviour too will reflect this in the way you act in our relationship from now on. Like prayer has proven, we can communicate as much with our thoughts as we do with our words and actions.

I forgive you, I forgive myself, and I think this might be a best definition of the word love that we have found so far.

Suri.

Aline says

Dear Burt,
I had issues with my sisters upon my Mothers passing and found it very difficult to forgive them for the way they treated me and the uncaring manner they treated my Mother. Six months after her passing my husband died of a heart attack 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital with no warning. I got no emotional, financial or any other support from these two in that time. It has been over 3 years and just last week one sister wanted to know if we could have a sister relationship again. I have forgiven her from the past issues and answered her letter by telling her that we could have a relationship but under very differenct circumstances than previously. I refuse to be criticized about my life, I refuse to participate in discussions about other people, or any of the other negative activities that entertain her. She has not responded to my letter so I am moving forward knowing that I cannot change other people and how they live their lives. The only thing I can control is who I spend my time with. The forgiveness part came about a year ago when I realized this. I wrote a long letter forgiving them both for all the slights and hurts they have put upon me over the years and realize they only act out of ignorance and jealousy. But with forgiveness I no longer worry about their opinions because they are so wrong. With the freedom of forgiveness and moving on to create a life for myself I have also found much self worth. I think forgiveness has allowed me to cut the ties that hurt.

Chris says

I must forgive my self for allowing my 25 year marriage to end this year. I forgive myself for enabling others to not live up to their own potential. I too, must forgive others for taking advantage of a giving spirit. And now, I start my life over, or from a new beginning. I am responsible for myself. And I choose to let others take their own responsibility. I do not wish to enable anyone to be less of what they deserve. I choose to forgive! Thank You!

Arie says

Dear Burt

I,I myself,I beg you for forgivness.It was on the day when I felt to be overloaded by everything what I had yet to do and in a moment of ill-considered decision to cut off all links with everybody and with everything to be alone and to choose the only one main thinG to do.In
this moment I jumped to clik on the Un-subscribe info.Thank you for your lesson of forgivness and for your mind-bobleness. Arie

Leila says

It seems to me that most people have had a childhood marred in some way - abusive parents, sibling favouritism, misunderstood personality etc. and retain some scars from it. We feel that what happened to us in childhood somehow damages us as adults and so it seems obvious that the not-perfect way our parents brought us up must have given us problems in our adult lives that we would not otherwise have had. For this reason parents are a first choice in blame and forgiveness. It is for me though my current relationship with my parents (or anyone for that matter) that seems to foster blame or forgiveness. If the other person is looking to understand my feelings about something that I am not happy about in the relationship (past or present - maybe the past always informs the present), and I am equally open to understanding their perspective on it, then the possibility for forgiveness is never-ending. If, though, the other person refuses to acknowledge my feelings about the past because of their own fear of exploring what happened, then there is less chance for forgiveness to occur and more chance that we will blame them for leaving us stuck with these unresolved, or unresolving, feelings.

Kenneth says

Dear Sir
It has been hard for me to express myself in witing. As a child, I wrote a letter that was somehow misunderstood and my father harshly disciplined me. Since that time I have resigned, to, verbably in the presence of another to discuss whatever concerns I have.

Forgiving for me is not hard, it is knowing if the persons involved accepts or understand the empact of their actions as I have learned too. I hate being weighted down with guilt, dealing with uncomfortable situations because of the inability of others to forgive.

Thanks for sharing this lesson as some of my family member have had the opportunity to listen and are now applying information received. I am trying to write again to see if I can express what I feel to my mother since my father has transitioned. She remembers the incident and was hurt at my reactions to it. Therefore, I'll sit down and try to write a letter of forgiveness to her in my father's stead.

Thanks for being there.
Kenneth

Kenneth says

Dear Sir
It has been hard for me to express myself in witing. As a child, I worte a letted that was somehow misunderstood and my father harshly disciplined me. Since that time I have resigned, to, verbably in the presence of another to discuss whatever concerns I have.

Forgiving for me is not hard, it is knowing if the persons involved accepts or understand the empact of their actions as I have learned too. I hate being weighted down with guilt, dealing with uncomfortable situations because of the inability of others to forgive.

Thanks for sharing this lesson as some of my family member have had the opportunity to listen and are now applying information received. I am trying to write again to see if I can express what I feel to my mother since my father has transitioned. She remembers the incident and was hurt at my reactions to it. Therefore, I'll sit down and try ti write a letter of forgiveness to her in my father's stead.

Thanks for being there.
Kenneth

rahul says

To all whom I personally misunderstood, I did hurt, I want to ask for forgiveness & forgive them all.May god bless all.

rahul

rahul says

to all whom i personally misunderstood, i did hurt, committed a offence, iwould like to ask for forgiveness & forgive them all

rahul

Dorothy says

Hi Burt,

What a wonderful posting of the forgiveness letter. I have since written two letters, one to my mother who had great difficulty bringing up my sister and I as a single parent as she left my father, and one to my sister. I have printed them out from the computer and will not send them but will rip them up as I think they are sensitive and would not like to hurt my sister's feelings. You see, my mother is dead but I have written telling her that I would forgive her for anything she did because I love her more than life itself and that I look forward to being with her one day in the future.

Dorothy, Cyprus

Jenny says

Hi everyone,

Many years ago I wrote such a letter to my dad. I was pregnant with my first child at the time and felt my life needed some tidying up before becoming a parent myself. It wasn't actually a forgiveness letter as such. I just wrote to him telling him how much he had hurt me as a child by how he had behaved towards me, how nothing was ever good enough and how I had bent over backwards to be perfect enough to deserve his love (there was never any abuse in our relationship, but not feeling loved and good enough is a painful enough experience!) I gave the letter to him and it took him exactly 2 years to open and read it and then another to talk to me about it. But the wonderful thing for me was that the burden instantly lifted when I gave the letter to him. It didn't matter whether he read it or not, just having said it made me free, plus I felt I'd handed it over to him. When he finally had read it he said he never knew he had hurt me, he hadn't intended to and he was
sorry. This was probably the biggest emotional healing I ever experienced in my life.

Karen says

To all those who have badly hurt me,i forgive you all.And the hardest of all,i forgive myself for hurting others, because i was hurt.

Vesna says

Forgiveness letter to a doctor responsible for the death of my husband
Dear dr.R.
Four years ago I lost my husband due to your negligence.You admitted him to hospital for a lung cancer operation than suddenly decided to go skiing for a couple of weeks!!! All this time he stayed in hospital without any treatment resulting in his deteriorating of lung capacity. You came back from your trip beautifully tanned while my husband got more sick and pale.Than you decided you could not operate on him because his condition worsened (heart grow weaker in the meantime ).I perceived you as a hangman who dealt a deadly blow to both our lives.Five months and horrible number of chemo and radiation treatments later he died.I was completely broken.My body still alive but spirit dead.It took a great effort for my children (friends and my psychiatrist too) to bring me back to life.I remember that the very first feeling (after months of total numbness) was deep hatred towards you.I wished you to brake your legs, your hands, your neck...and it lasted a long time.
Last year I heard, quite by chance, that you got seriously ill.I must admit that I felt gratified at the moment.But than something changed in me! I remembered the horror me and my children went through when my husband was ill.At first I started feeling sorry for your family,than I pitied you and unbelievable thing happened I started to feel guilty!Since than I went through many changes, have done a lot of reading on spirituality, and now I feel strong enough to forgive you for killing the man I loved very much, and to forgive myself for hating you.I do not know if my hatred had anything to do with your illness , but if that was the case surely my wholehearted forgiveness will probably make you better.I sincerely wish you to get healthy again, and do you work better, save someone's life.
Vesna

Connie says

What do you do when someone won't let you fortgive???

Jerry says

Burt,we have a custom before our high holidays to go to everyone we know and ask for forgiveness for anything we might have done wrong, and we forgive anyone who asks.

The problems here are:
1) We cannot forgive people for things they've done if they, themselves, are not remorseful. We cannot forgive bin Laden, for example, because he plans to cause more pain.
2) In my case, I cannot think of anyone in my life who needs forgiving. If anything I hope they will forgive me.

Solution: Maybe our greatest adversary is ourselves. And today, I will endeavor to forgive myself for things I've done to harm my own life, and write a letter to that effect. But I won't publish it here. I'll let you know how it works.

kris says

dear sajjid
we had the best of relationship anybody cud envy, i doted over u fr no. of years..all was good till i felt and kept serving u with every request, reasonable or un-resonable, there were no questions asked.. just did it, duno, there was some magnetic carishma and i did it much too willingly, kept my family as 2nd priority, u meant everything to me, like GOD..
i do not blame u for suddenly becoming sticky over issues which were rightly said and conversed with u, there was no way i cud stoop low fr yr sake and hence i let the relationship go! realizing that u too are human and all are subject to err..
i forgive you.. fr all the HURT and embarrassment that was passed to me.. i let u free fr all my feelings fr you.. i let go off, with all my heart and i wish u would be happy always and never turn around to look for me..
godbless you and yr family-

Zach Kong says

Wonderful post!

I always know that to forgive is to release yourself from hatred all other negative emotions that accompany it. However, it is really easier said than done.

After reading this post about writing a forgiveness letter, I believe this can really helps one in relinquishing the need to always blame and hate others.

I always like to write and I feel that sometimes when you write things down, you will be able to put things in their own place and see the situation in different perspective. This is especially important when one realize that grabbing hold of only 1 perspective of issue will bring more harm than good.

Personally I feel that writing helps to bring a issue under different light and you will be able to see things differently.

Thus, if one feels uncomfortable about approaching someone to forgive, writing a letter really helps. Even if one don't send the letter to the respective person, the simple act of writing can be quite liberating as well, isn't it?

Once again, thanks for the great post. I'll surely keep that in mind for the many years to come.

Burt Goldman says

Attitude can pretty much be summed up with the axiom ‘What you believe to be, is.’ But I would add to that, ‘for you.’ In other words, every one is right; for them. Whatever their beliefs. If they believe, whatever they believe, it’s right; for them, not necessarily for you. Their beliefs may conflict with yours; after all there are billions of people who believe the opposite of other billions of people. Are billions of people wrong? Or are they only wrong when you compare them with what you believe?

When you are forgiving someone it is generally for some slight that you believe has been done, usually to you. But if that person truly believes he/she is right, then they are; from their point of view, and if, from your perspective, you believe that you are right, then you are both right. Who wins in this case is the one who wishes to continue the relationship on a comfortable level. Very often the three words ‘I was wrong’ said at the right moment can produce miracles. But what, you might say, if I wasn’t wrong? Ah, then you must decide on whether the relationship was worthy of the bond in the first place.

The forgiveness letter takes all this into consideration. But if you feel awkward about sending it, don’t. The healing is in the writing not the sending.

Now take the case of Hazel, three or four comments above this one, a broken wrist qualifies as physical abuse. Forgiving an abusive spouse is a far different matter than forgiving someone for a slight they feel because of something done or said. Physical abuse is really in a class by itself. Once can be forgiven if the parties want the relationship to continue. Hazel you ask: ‘Should I write a forgiveness letter even if I don’t forgive him?’

Before you do that take a sheet of paper and write ten things that you appreciate about him. By the time you get to the tenth line; you will have the answer to the question.

Once again: The healing is in the writing, not in the sending.

I hope these few words help.

Burt Goldman

K.A. Thomas says

Dear Burt

Forgiveness without expecatation is a good remedy for all human conflicts. Even if forgive without any expectation from the other side throughout our life will reward us in heaven if not on this earth.

With best wishes and do hope all will practice forgivness.

K.A. Thomas

marios says

I have read most of the testimonians BURT AND I AGREE THAT each and every one of us should do it every time they feel GUILD .often we do that verbally befor communion ,going to a PRIEST .THIS ofcourse is most effective now that i can think off. GOOD WORK BURT .

Andy (UK) says

Hazel,
the idea is that forgiving your husband provides release and therefore (emotional) healing for you. It DOES work.

Perhaps it is soon for you to forgive him for that, I would suggest that feeling that way you try forgiving him for something almost insignificant instead, there must be something, perhaps he kept you waiting 5 minutes when you were dating? Forgive him for something of that order to start.

If you can do that then shortly you will realise even the wrist is 'insignificant' in the large picture.

Forgive me for being unable to offer more than Tea and Sympathy.

Forgiving others really helps I used to swear at drivers who cut me up now I have learnt to say I forgive you no matter what rudeness or dangerous carelessness they throw at me, and it really does feel good.

Sometimes too good because it tends to make me think I am nearly the perfect driver so I have to avoid that belief lest I become as bad as them!

Bill says

There are many forms of this. I was originally taught this was a "Journey out of shame letter". It really is that! It targets emotions around shame and blasts the heck out of them.

Great weapon in the war on peaceful emotions if I don't say so my self.
:) Keep it up. Now we need one that targets reminders, the ones that build negative emotions.

Ya know, your playing a game of football. Then your winning. The opponent all of a sudden scores and for the life of you, your momentum is lost. You try everything and you can only manifest negatives because you've lost the trust you had.

Help that and I'm sure this can make positivity EXPLODE :)

Hazel says

I'm currently in the process of trying to forgive my husband for rupturing my wrist joint in anger. I am in constant pain and doctors say it will most probably be life long. I want to forgive my husband, I realise he made a bad choice, in anger, he made a mistake. He's getting help and I feel confident he won't hurt me again. But how can I forgive him when I'm in constant pain? Should I write a forgiveness letter even if I don't forgive him? Is that the idea? I will feel like it is a lie. Advice would be very much appreciated. Especially from you, Burt. Thank you.

Jo says

Hi Burt,

I learnt years ago during some very heavy counselling sessions about letter writing. It was explained to me to get things out of your head you need an avenue for the feelings to flow and by writing these words the feelings flow down your arm into your hand and out through the pen. I wrote my letter to my mother who had passed away.

Regards

Manuela says

I agree; I Knew already this technique and I Know it works!
I've been trying to contact you to give you my new e-mail; I hope this time you get my message. Here it goes again, my new e-mail is: mrisquescosta@gmail.com (and NOT duartemcosta@netcabo.pt)
Best wishes,

Manuela

Ewa says

Hi Burt,
it is very important to do the process of Forgiveness very frequently (and deeply) and I am happy you write about the subject,
Ewa

Mason says

This blog is very powerful and moving, Burt. I have done this with a twist as well. In my letter I included forgiving myself for imposing my negative responses to my fathers anger and hate. I remember the last day I saw him alive in the hospital. Just before I left I said, "I love you dad". He remained silent as I walked away for the last time. I then turned and told him, "Ya know what dad, we will never see each other again, here, and you can't even say I love you". His answer was, "I never did". Those words, though intended to hurt, didn't. That is because I forgave him for unimaginable hate and anger he imposed on me. I submit that if anyone chooses to not write a forgiveness, is to deny yourself of a profoundly powerful vehicle to peace.
You remain in my prayers.
Masonn

Debbie McClaughry says

Good Afternoon Burt,

I want to tell you that I have already written my letter of forgiveness to my ex-husband. It did make me feel better, and I know that it made him feel better too. It also brought much needed closure for me.

Thanks for writting to me.

Debbie

Nuuky says

Burt,

You have given a spiritual jewel with the Forgiveness Letter.What a beutiful spirit you are!

Sherry,
Give it a try and if it seems that it doesn´t work the first time,try again and again till you can verify for yourself that it works for you too.

I would suggest to you, if you allow me, to listen to Burt´s Daisy Pond.Find out who you really are...I mean,not the character you are playing in this great theatre of life,so to speak,but who you really are.

You are a such a great being,it´s up to you to believe it now and to discover in yourself all your great qualities as well as those of your parents.
Try to focus on the things you like about them instead of the opposite.

Burt has many audios and CDs that will help you find your true self.

Cheers

Carli Bauzá says

Great post and advice, Burt.
I had a conversation with my father some years ago that resembled this letter, and our relationship skyrocketed instantly and has never again been negative since.

I'd also like to pitch in for Sherry.
You say that your parents think low of you, which of course can bother you. I think that if you create a higher belief about yourself than the one your parents have and repeat it to yourself several times a day with your eyes closed it will begin to change the way you see yourself and your relationship to your parents, however long it takes.

Check if you have any guilt in you, for whatever issue, and search for its root; how it got "installed" initially. It's likely that you may have some, given your abusive parents. I've had to deal with this myself. Consider whether it is still worth it to hold on to it, if there is any. Guilt is just rehashing in the present, consciously or unconsciously, something we perceive as a past mistake or wrongdoing. It is one of the most damaging things we can do to ourselves, as guilt creates beliefs about us not being worthy of that which makes us happy.

Also, write a new letter to your parents, whether you show it to them or not, and observe your thoughts "from outside" as to whether you truly mean the forgiveness you are writing about. This may shed light on possible hidden resentment that is not being deeply forgiven. Whether you give them the letter later is not as important as actually writing it, as it is this process that gets you through the emotions and memories, which is what actually releases the negative energy on the subject.

Lastly, I would recommend you let any negative remark from them (or anyone else) to simply slide by. These remarks usually have no truth in them, and instead reflect the speaker's lack of tolerance toward the way somebody else behaves. You can even say something like "you know what, you're right! Thanks for wanting the best for me. I'm sorry to have caused you this stress", and then go on your way; don't stay to argue. Have the courage to try this, as I think it will work. When they see that their negative remarks have no effect on you, they will stop eventually.

I hope this helps.

Stay conscious,
Carlito.

Faye says

I would like to reply to Sherry's comment that the forgiveness letter didn't work for her especially regards her parents, Sherry write your own personal leter to yourself to forgive yourself - see if that little bit helps.
Forgiveness is complete, it is forgiving others but also forgiving yourself for being pained, crushed or mistreated by others.
With kindness, Faye

vengal rao says

well i am from a very poor family .... but my father who is a great man he blessed my brother ,sisters ,n me with good education .. yes i a n elder brother n three elder sisters n iam the youngest ....... as the memories v all use to live in single room 5mtrby 3mts ... my ues to feed us in one plate v all ues to sit in a line n my mom sits in da center n feeds us all with her own hands ... n then the left overs... for my dad n my mom ..my father is a daily labourer , he is building painter.. well in his life experience he has learnt wat the world is all abt .. n every day he gives us values of life how to b good n strong to face the world ... he says education is da greatest weapon..... there were incedants where he worked in great rich people's house as a painter.... so he obserbe how there kids r terated wat there kids r doing n learnt wat not to do .......well he is not an educated mih self but he has gained a lot of gr8 knowledge by observing peoples life ....

well now my brother is wroking in a MNC [utinational company ]he done his masters in Bio.tech. my two of my sisters r practicing medicen.. n my eldest sister ia a lechturer in a college .... n omes my part ....well iam purcuing degree. architecture in a national institute of technology.......
but i think iam not playing my part properly.....
well since my school daies ive been just an avarage student in studies but very good in sports n extra cericular activities..[ all sports like football,basketball,hockey,athletics,painting, martial arts n a lot of painting compitions i hav won many prises in all thes activities n even indoor games like chess,caroms......]
i hav won many medels in all the sports n paintings at a naional level n district levels....
n on the oter side not much on the studies .....
but my sisters n my brother r a schlors in there schools n colleges my sisters they score college first n second ranks right from the first year to the passing out year.. my eldest sister represented her univercity from andhra pradesh in national parade in Dehli .....my brother is a house captain in his school ..n in coll he scored good rank ..well he had taksn reponsibility in his college daies by helping my father ....
for your surprise my father is still painting houses.... n now living in a two room house..in the same slums ....
well my father has joinrd us all i n different hostels right from the childhood v all com home for the festivels well in India v hav many festivels to celbrete our lifes ... n my mom still feeds us with her own hands but only for my brother my younger sister among the three sisters and me ..
well te ther two sister hav found there love of there life n blessed with beautifulln wonderfull kids.

well i coming from such a background i feel like i am not doing right in life by not studing hard !! well even now i am just an avarage student .. n in this rat raceworld i should get good score to get in to good company n earn good money !!
ive wasting all my time doing nting n getting atracted to the horrible things in life like girls, alchol,drugs,and bad frind ship....
well iv been living in such an atmosphere far awy from home living in a different state of the contry..
in a national institute of tchnology..wher rich people who can spend RS:500 per day .....
n iam getting to stay withthem..nnn....not able to do wat iam suppose to do "study properly"
well i ve been tring to earn money but every thing went on vain i waas not able to continue for a month and v wont get the salary if v dont work for a complete month ...
ive been doing all the crazy thing in here n i think some day ill go mad ...
i am totally confused ..i am not knowing wat to do ... every time i close my eyes it splashes in my eyes ..the money ..my home..,my mom and dad .. the area i live ..my frinds...my ambitions.., n suddenly iam falling from a clif.. i am not able breath...
and i can not tell wat my situation to my parents or any one .. cos i am not doing any thing so great to share ... all the things dat iam doing brings shsme o my self ... but i am help less
all i want to is lots of money to study in this collage .. well i ve tried to work som places but they wont full time workers ..but i got attend my classes too i am not able manage both..
so forcefully i am staing with these rich kids n getting spoiled ..its not there fault... welll if i stay with them they help me financialy during exams ..well ill sit and write there notes!!!
i canot leave ther frind ship ....
i dont want my parents to worry abt me i even get to talk in my frinds phone with parents...
well the word "frindship" ... i hav a very deep respect for it .. but i am not ale to get the quality of frindship my heart schring for..
well iam totally crazy abt the cazy pieces of paper called"money"
i am ready to any thing to money ..
some time i get all kind of crzy ideas to earn easy money..
feels like steeling things.... brake the law.....
n many more ... belive me ive even tried to b a gigalo....
i dont know what but someting in my backbone is stoping me .. n ssays it not right !!!
i just need some strength to face my own face oh god ...
i just need ur blessings oh god....
bless my parents and the one wo needs ur blossings oh god
bless everyone with good health ,wealth ,happyness in there heart n sole,good education,good money, n good strength to faceany thing in there like oh god .....
plz bless every one oh god...

Kim says

The forgiveness letter seems like a remarkable way to unload bitter feelings and lift away the past that eats away at our minds. A valuable way to make peace with ourselves and allow forgiveness to be recognized through our will in wanting a change. A change to rid old haunting memories.

Susan d'Ambrumenil says

Hi Burt:

I fell ill with the symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis several years ago and I looked up the meaning of this painful dis-ease in Louise Hay's "Heal Your Body" and found that RA is "suppressed anger". Bells went off. I suddenly realized that I was indeed very angry at everthing and everyone in my life.

My mother had passed away several years prior and I knew that if I wrote a letter to her explaining why I was so angry at her for all the things that I felt she had ommitted sharing with me like hugs, love, support when things were not going well, I could change the energetics of the dis-ease.

So I did. It turned out to be a very long letter. I sat with it for several months, edited it several times and then when I went back to England the following year, I was able to visit her grave. Despite the uneasiness of my father, I performed a "burning bowl" ceremony at her grave. I lit a candle, and in an abolone shell, I burned the letter, saying; "I forgive you, I love you, and I thank you for this experience"

The result of this experience was one of extreme relief. I felt so much lighter and more at peace than I had in a long time. Oh! yes, It was even more wonderful because I also got the impression that the letter was accepted by my mother as one of relief for her also.

Thank you for reminding me of this practice. It is a wonderful way to remove blocks from one's life.

DeniseC says

Sherry, you need never send the letter to your parents. Keep trying. It may get better each time. I grew up with one very abusive parent and one emotionally distant/un-nurturing parent. It's taken time, sometimes baby steps, but each time I tried to forgive them, I did a little more, until I now have. And it is freeing. I suffered from major depression (diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from my childhood with those parents) which drug therapies and traditional behavioral and psychotherapies didn't help. I am no longer depressed and did it without drugs. Forgiveness is a HUGE part of that recovery. So keep trying. I have faith in you.

Mira says

Darcy,you are a poem!I did my forgiveness in my alpha level and I worked hard for months,so I feel free now and,also, I have much love for everyones.But,I know a people who wrote forgiving letters.Shery,when you write,you put your energie in it.So,try again,and again....Put the real filings of love.Before start,close your eyes,relax,feel love from your soul,and write.I would like that everybody could be like I am.Or Burt,or H.Silva was.

Nola says

My son had a somewhat difficult relationship with my mother, because he felt that she did not really accept him as he was. When she was dying of cancer, I went out to see her for one last Christmas. He was not able to come with me, but he wrote her a letter. When I got there, she was too weak to read the letter for herself, so she asked me to read it to her. The letter acknowledged that the two of them had not always seen eye to eye, but that he loved her, and knew she loved him. In particular, my son was not of an academic bent, which she greatly prized. I think it must have really motivated her, because before she passed, she wrote letters to each of her grandchildren, telling them how much she loved them,and giving them one last piece of advice. In my son's letter, she wrote that whatever he decided to do with his life, she was sure he would do it well, and that she was proud of him. It was just what he needed to hear--that she had accepted him for who he was, and knew that it didn't matter how he intended to make his living. Forgiveness letters can indeed be very powerful.

Sherry says

I tried doing this. It didn't really work for me. Especially with my parents who are still here and still abusive. They think so low of me. How am I supposed to rise above that? Darcy, love the poem!

yogidodie says

great advice from all-we cant be victims, we have to be
the change

georgia says

Hi Burt,
Thank you for posting the Forgiveness letter. I know
this works. Also a letter written to a person that
has passed on and one did not have a chance to say
goo-bye is a good why to help with the grief. I knew
of a 10 year girl, that she did not get to say good-
bye to her grandmother because she(grandmother) died
in the hospital. And, you know that children are not
allowed in the hospital. I suggested to her to write
a loving letter to her Grandmother thanking her for
all the joys she had share with her and letting her
know how much she loved and missed her. I told her
to put the letter in a drawer and review it a couple
of times and when she was ready to say good-bye to her
grandmother she could put the letter in a balloon and
release it or go to the cementary and bury it by her
grandmother's grave. This really helped her. I feel
that writing letters for different occassions is good for
the soul. They do not have to be sent to the person.

patrick larkin says

Please i beg you all to follow Burts advice and wtite this letter. It can be an open letter to anybody whom you may feel you have wronged in the past Did you make a pass at your best friends wife? Perhaps you gambled away money that was badly needed at home. Whatever may be inside you pricking away at you now is the time to say sorry and mean it Write it out and read it back to yourself Then if you wish burn it After that just wait for the peace to come over you Best of luck Paddy

Darcy Venables says

The magic world
By Darcy Venables

What happened to the magic world
That place we used to go
That place where we could always hide
And no one else would know

Where is that magic world we had
As children we could stay
That magic place that was so kind
And so safe for us to play

That magic world that held no pain
And hate could not come in
Just fantasy and make-believe
And games we’d always win

I have to find that magic world
I’m going back today
This other place is so unkind
I’m going back to stay

This magic world I’ve left behind
This place I’m looking for
God, if you would be so kind
Please help me find the door

Scott says

This is an excellent exercise and will no doubt lead to many people feeling less guilt and sadness. It is, however, important to note that the letter may not always be received by the subject with the same good will intended by the author. In some cases, the relationship may be harmed by such blunt honesty. Therefore, Burt, I think it is critical to make the point that the letter need not ever be delivered to be effective. It can be kept for later reminder or destroyed in some type of ceremonial event - such as burning, pointed out by Kristyne.

Kristyne says

I have done this in my own life with a little different twist. I wrote one letter to my parents, one to people from my past that I needed to (friends, lovers and others that I percieved as having wronged me or been wronged by me), and one to myself, for the times I had not been able to forgive myself for 'negative self talk', etc. I wrote them in pencil because it is carbon, one of the elements we are largely made of,and when I was through I burned them. The acts first bringing them into to physical realm from the ethers of my past then returning them purified by fire to the spirit realm to be released. The weight being lifted is very true and the process well worth the thought and time it took to do it. Namaste.

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    Burt Goldman My name is Burt Goldman. I’m one of those “lucky people” who discovered a secret early in life. For the last 50 years, I have been traveling the world and meeting and studying spiritual masters from every inch of our planet. Now, at the age of 82, I'm ready to share with the world what I have learned. I started this blog to be able to share with you my most valuable teachings and insights I have gained over the past few decades. Here, you'll find plenty of valuable information on meditation, energy healing, spirituality, and my latest revelation, Quantum Jumping. I look forward to connecting with you and I sincerely hope you enjoy being a part of this blog.

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